If there is anything worth falling for
by taigen19
Summary: The story of Castiel's struggle with his infuriating, unpredictable and terrifyingly fragile human and from it his battle with his own faith and self. Spoilers for s4, eventual C/D slash though early chapters are open to interpretation. rating may go up!
1. Chapter 1

_Hello there._

_This is eventually going to be a Castiel/Dean fic. However it does go through the season with the relationship between them slowly building so I can put a note in the future chapter when Dean and Castiel will start to enter into some form of a relationship. Up until then I think it will be safe for those who dislike slash I.e it will be open to interpretation! I will put in the authors note when the times come "Preslash" and then "Slash" so that those who dislike it have a fair warning.  
_

_A lot of this is taken from the episodes at the beginning and this is from Castiel's point of view. I have written for Supernatural before under another name but it was many years ago and so at first using episode dialogue seemed a good way to ease me back in. But there are added bits and the story will take off from it._

_Please enjoy and feel free to either review or alert. I understand some people are shy or busy so even a "Good" is appreciated. Likewise if you wish to be constructive in criticism go for it because as I say its been a while since I was in this category and I expect that I will make a few errors._

_Oh and I own nothing but a toothbrush and one sock! Certainly none of the characters (to my own dismay and my boyfriends eternal relief!)_

LR-LR-LR-LR

It was bemusing to say the least. The two human males shot what they could at him. He could see the determination of their faces in between the lights sparking above them. He continued to walk noting with some curiosity the numerous symbols on the wall that were meant as protection. Clearly these two "hunters" were unaware of who and what they were dealing with.

He didn't allow himself to dwell on the symbols longer than split seconds at least. The vessel that he was in was getting shot at and while he could heal it all, it felt somewhat wrong to allow the body to be harmed in such ways.

Yet it would seem that allowing these two to do their worst and have full run of their emotional reactions was the easiest way to make him listen. He saw the pair glance at each other and take deep breaths in such a synchronised way that the pair could be father and son.

He knew that they weren't. John Winchester was long gone from this fight and Bobby Singer would be a useful resource so he had been told. An elder man to calm the two younger Winchester's and keep them in line when he and his brothers had to turn their attention elsewhere.

Still it was little glimmers of that sort of chosen bond between humans that did make them truly a work of beauty.

It was Dean Winchester who leant over for the knife. He could tell it was different in some way but certainly not a threat. The bewildered and determined look on Dean's face was a good sign that hell hadn't come back with him. There had been concerns but the youth seemed to be in good mental as well as physical shape.

He allowed Dean to draw him away from Bobby Singer, happy to focus his attention upon him.

"Who are you?" Dean asked in that slightly gruff voice without a hint of fear simply determined curiosity. Ah there was that word again. Determined.

The boy would have to be.

"I am the one who gripped you tight and raised you form perdition." Castiel replied calmly.

It annoyed him when Dean all but sneered at that. "Yeah?" he asked voice dropping to almost a sinister whisper. "Thanks for that"

The ungrateful child sounded as though that was the last thing that he was. Castiel inwardly knew what was going to happen. Had known it was coming from the second that Dean had gone for the knife. He almost smiled in satisfaction that he had been correct about his charge and all but nodded as Dean rammed the knife into the vessel's chest.

It wasn't a nice smile though. The thing that he had already discovered about being inside a human vessel was that there were many ways of expressing things. This smile was one of annoyance, almost a sneer to match the humans. He felt the vessel sway ever so slightly from the force of the blade as he stared at Dean Winchester. For a brief second he remembered that Dean had once watched with delight as he inflicted pain back in that deep, dark, desperate place. But Dean showed no sign of either pleasure nor hesitancy above ground. He seemed instead to be focussed on his task. But he kept his eyes on Dean as he pulled the blade out watching as shock and terror bled across the boy's body but not anger or malice.

After all the boy was righteous was he not, maybe it shouldn't surprise him so much. But all he'd seen so far of his charge was a demon in the making and then a thief.

His hand shot out without thinking and caught the crowbar from the old man. It was plainly clear that Dean had no idea what was going on and they needed to talk. It would be easier if his whole attention was on Dean. He dragged his gaze away from the face in front of him and turned circling the old man so that he was between Bobby and Dean. Carefully he placed his fingers on Bobby's forehead and trying to ensure that the angle gave Dean a clear view that his old mentor was not being harmed. He held on to the crowbar ensuring that Bobby sank to his knees gently rather than completely collapsing.

Catsile tilted his head as the old man lay on the floor, the crowbar dropping beside him feeling rather pleased at how well that had gone. He watched the man for a second or two assessing his condition. Humans were so difficult to control and manage at times.

He turned back to Dean, noting the open mouthed shock.

"We need to talk Dean" he said earnestly, uninterested in continuing this rather one sided battle. Dean's eyes flickered down to where Bobby lay. "Alone" he added calmly in explanation.

Dean continued to glance between Castiel and Bobby in a way that was clearly going to impede the conversation. With a deep breath Castiel stepped aside.

"Feel free to check on him Dean, he is unharmed."

His charge was clearly not one who trusted easily. The suspicious looks continued as slowly the boy knelt by Bobby's side and checked the body over for any signs of life and harm. Castiel turned from him and opened up one of the numerous texts on the table. Ever since he had followed Dean Winchester the idea of hunters had intrigued him somewhat. So many years of staying out of human affairs had started to disconnect him from humans. However the similarities between hunters and Angels didn't escape his notice. Of all the humans on this earth they were the ones that he could understand the most. These warriors who gave up normal lives to protect others, quietly working without glory or acknowledgement for the most part. Yet the hunters so far all seemed to be somewhat...lacking in morals. Many drank, many gambled. Many fornicated with numerous partners. Life it seemed had been harsh to these people.

Life had certainly been harsh to Dean. He felt himself soften slightly as he thought of the task ahead of the young man. He could already feel the accusing glare and prepared himself for what needed to be said.

"You're friend's alive" he said answering the unspoken question. It amazed him how this vessel picked up on the slight nervous emotions that he felt, causing his voice to quiver slightly.

"Who are you?" Dean asked again, from his position couched on the floor. He had that aura about him like he was waiting for Castiel to attack him.

It was...disheartening.

"Castiel" he replied still looking at the text.

"Yeah I figured that much, I mean what are you."

_What are you._ It was wrong that these humans should know so much evil and nothing of good. He looked up at Dean and knew that he would not believe him. Not at first anyway. This one would fight the truth he sensed, for his own human reasons.

But this was his charge and Dean had to be told.

"I'm an Angel of the Lord"

He watched as Dean's face almost curved into a smile at that. Castiel continued to stare at him waiting. He continued to fix him with that deep gaze as dean rose slowly of the floor with a truly annoyed look upon his face.

"Get the hell out of here. There's no such thing."

It was no surprise to hear the words but the body language was interesting. His words were clear in their meaning but as soon as he denied the existence of Angels he looked as if he was waiting to be struck down. Such contradictions in one man was fascinating.

"That is your problem Dean, you have no faith"

And knowing this, knowing that this man would only believe what he would touch and see and feel Castiel took a deep breath in. Slowly he unfurled his wings being careful only to reveal the shadow and not the actual wings themselves. It would not do to have a blinded charge.

Dean looked taken aback. For a boy that had been introduced to hunting at an early age he had never had to face up to any sudden paradigm shifts. It was almost thrilling to watch him react to news like this. Especially because it didn't last long. Dean nodded and seemed to feel some strange need to ruin the moment.

"Some angel you are. You burned out that poor woman's eyes."

There was something rather depressing in both the statement itself and the sentiment with which it was delivered.

"I warned her not to spy on my true form. It can be...overwhelming to humans. So can my true voice but you already knew that"

Castiel watched as Dean seemed to be a lot more comfortable having logistics of an idea worked out. The why and the how rather than the what. He stepped closer noticing that Dean didn't step away.

Truly intriguing.

"At the gas station? That was you _talking?"_

Castiel nodded gently.

"Buddy next time lower the volume." Dean quipped some of the tension leaving him as he relaxed back into his smart mouthed ways.

Castiel pressed his lips together at this acknowledging that his attempts at communicating hadn't been the wisest course of action, but also trying to hide the remembered disappointment.

"It was my mistake" he said gently, "Certain people, special people can perceive my true visage, I thought you would be one of them. I was wrong."

Castiel noted that Dean's face went curiously blank of emotion for a split moment. It was gone before he could really decide what his charge was thinking.

It was frustrating to have to meet him now with so little knowledge. He had aimed to have more time, to look into this man's past. He needed to know Dean Winchester better than most people did. Needed to know how to explain what must be done and what missions he should be sent on of any.

He needed to know this man and his reactions. Without in depth knowledge it was like trying to catch snowflakes.

"And what visage are you in now huh? What, holy tax accountant?" Dean asked his voice heavy with accusation. So he wouldn't ask about true visages or special people. Interesting. Castiel glanced down at the body he occupied. In truth he hadn't given it too much thought.

"This...This is...a vessel" he said pulling at the suit a little and noting the difference between what dean wore and what the vessel wore.

"You're possessing some poor bastard?"

Ah. That made more sense. Clearly the hunter within Dean was very prominent. It would make it difficult though if Dean continued to compare him and his brothers to demons.

"He's a devout man, he actually prayed for this"

"Look pal i'm not buying what you're selling, so who are you really?"

Castiel actually felt pain at that. He had thought briefly that he was getting through to his charge. That by allowing him to steer the conversation Dean was slowly accepting it.

He had needed more time. Humans and their impatience.

And their lack of faith. It truly was sad.

"I told you." he said trying to be as clear and as calm as possible.

Dean nodded, "Right. And why would an Angel rescue me from hell?"

There. There was something... Castile risked stepping forward staring into Dean's eyes. There was fear there.

"Good things do happen Dean" he said quietly but firmly. Perhaps his original assessment had been wrong, maybe the boy was suffering. He certainly seemed to be struggling with something. Castiel could almost see what it was but the exact reason for this desperation not to believe was eluding him.

"Not in my experience" the words seemed to burst of of Dean reluctantly as if pulled with a pliers.

"What's the matter?" Castiel asked feeling bewildered, narrowing his eyes to look at Dean. There was something very wrong with this man's reaction. He felt it, so unusual from anyone else in the world.

Then he saw it. The confusion. _Why would an angel rescue **me** from hell_.

"You don't think you deserve to be saved?" Castile almost whispered it feeling some horror within him. He watched as Dean steeled his face in what would have been an attempt to deny the statement, Instead he simply seemed...

Young. Confused.

Lost.

"Why'd you do it?" Dean said some of the steel in his voice gone. His body bracing as if for a blow of information.

There were so many answers to that. But so many questions for this charge.

There was only right answer to give, to stop this lost look and to perhaps allay these feeling of insecurity. He pulled himself back from his soul searching gaze and refocused on Dean again.

"Because God commanded it" he said.

Dean didn't react, merely a muscle clenched in his jaw.

But he wasn't arguing or fighting. Emboldened by this Casteil continued.

"Because we have work for you"

Dean looked suspicious and baffled at that but showed even less of a resistance. For long moments they simply stood there almost as if it was a battle of wills.

"You should tend to your friend Dean"

Dean whirled clearly having forgotten about Bobby. And Castiel made his escape.

AYTG?-AYTG?-AYTG?

Since the breaking of the first seal there had been few days where one could take the time to familiarise themselves with their charge. It was difficult. How was it that someone with such a powerful destiny had avoided having an angel until now? It was rare enough for an Angel to be given a charge, in truth it hadn't happened in centuries. But as far as Castiel knew all of those humans had been watched over by an Angel since birth.

The situation was unique. As it was now Dean Winchester was the most important human on earth, his role in the apocalypse was tremendous.

Dean was now at Bobby Singers with his brother. He had briefly glanced in to see to his consternation that despite being the only person in the room to have talked to an Angel, Dean still was the one who believed it the least.

And Bobby Singer truly had patience to rival Castiel's own. Turning away from the ensuing argument between brothers he had focussed on the house itself...

"_Bobby!"_

_A sweet looking young boy ran into the house with a huge grin plastered over his head._

"_Hello there Sammy" Bobby had said turning from the window. He seemed a little taken aback by Sam's enthusiasm Castiel noted. "You're Daddy's still got that thing?" he pointed out the window to the Impala that Castiel had seen Dean drive._

_Sam nodded, "Yeah, think Dean would kill him if he got rid of it"_

_Bobby chuckled at that. "What you running in here so quick for anyhow? You know I don't have kids things"_

_Sam beamed up, "But you've got loads of books. And Dad said that we're staying nearby so I can go back to the high-school and I wont be the new kid!"_

_It seemed a small thing to be happy about yet the child's smile seemed to go from ear to ear. In the doorway a large bulk of a man stood smelling of engine grease and some alcoholic drink that these hunters seemed to like to partake in._

"_John" Bobby leant over Sam to shake his hand. Castiel noted that he suddenly seemed a lot more guarded then he had been with Sam._

_There was some friction between the two men, even the child could sense it judging from his sudden worried expression._

"_Hey Bobby"_

_Dean as a teenager was very reminiscent of Dean as an adult. He could only have been about fourteen years old yet his stance was very much the one his adult self had adopted today._

_It was equally reminiscent of his father._

_Dean slung a bag on the table and threw Bobby a grin. "Got any beer?"_

_Bobby's posture relaxed again, "Also got padlocks of the fridge boy" he replied though his tone was light. "So don't you go getting any of your ideas."_

_That devil-may-care grin flashed again._

"_Bobby I need you to watch out over Sammy for a few days"_

_Bobby's eyes narrowed, "And Dean?"_

"_He's coming with me" John Winchester's voice brooked no argument. Bobby and he held stares for a moment_

"_I can do it Bobby" Dean's piped up a little too eagerly for Castiel's tastes._

"_I know you can son, but huntin's dangerous and your still just a boy"_

"_He needs to learn" John said ruffling Sam's hair._

_Castiel could see the torn look of Bobby's face of a man who wanted to interfere and yet had no real right to._

_Time passed until it was dark and clearly a few days later. Bobby and Sam were both sat in front of a fire, Sam with school books and Bobby clearly with some form of research. He saw at a quicker speed than what was natural Sam going upstairs and to bed and Bobby remaining with his numerous papers._

_There was a loud bang at the door and Bobby leapt up glancing at the stairs where Sam had gone not an hour before. _

"_Bobby"_

_It was John Winchester's voice._

_Once the door opened Castiel got a glance of his charge carried by his father and laced gently onto the ratty looking sofa. His face was so very pale and there was a large gash mark down one side of his jacket that was seeped with blood._

"_Bobby can you fix the wound"_

"_Calm down John I haven't even seen the damned thing yet"_

"_If you cant I need to get him to a hospital, where's the closest_"_

"_Quit pestering me John" Bobby said pushing the man away. "There's some whiskey in the back, top shelf"_

"_I don't want a fucking drink" John snapped._

_Bobby gave him a withering glance "Ain't for you Johnny"_

_John Winchester almost stormed straight through were Castiel watched. Bobby didn't spare the other man a single glance as he cut Dean out of his jacket and his t-shirt. The gash was deep and serious enough but Bobby seemed to relax slightly. Clearly confident that while not pretty he could fix this._

"_Dean?" Bobby whispered gently._

_Dean stirred, his lips pressing together against the pain._

"_It's no shame lad in crying out. Got a wound here that would bring most to their knees"_

"_Not Dad though. He got hurt too" Dean whispered, his voice strained._

_Bobby glared at the kitchen "Well he's an idjit for not saying so. Now this is gonna hurt, I gotta pull the fabric away."_

_Dean nodded, biting his lip. Castiel watched in some fascination as Dean closed his eyes but didn't make a sound. A brave adolescent it seemed. No-one could fault the boy his courage nor his pain threshold._

_Bobby heated up a needle, "John gonna need that whiskey now."_

"_I..."_

_Both Bobby and Castiel leaned in close as Dean tried to speak. _

"_What is it son?" Bobby asked._

"_I messed up." Dean confessed seemingly miserable. "I slipped and the ghost got me_"_

_Bobby grabbed Dean perhaps a little harder than he should have, "Don't you think that boy. It happens, it a dangerous thing to be doin'." Castiel saw how he threw the last statement at John as he came in._

"_This is gonna sting dude." John said and immediately poured the drink over the wound. Dean arches slightly in pain and a small whimper escaped him._

"_It'll be ok" John said pulling Dean's head against him. The boy buried himself into his fathers chest as Bobby worked calmly._

_It turned to daylight many days later Castiel assumed. Dean was walking albeit very slowly and Sam was trudging along to the car looking rather forlorn. Bobby stood at the door watching the two as John picked up the last of their belongings._

"_You cant keep doing that to Dean" Bobby said unexpectedly. "Boy's gonna kill himself to live up to your standards."_

_John Winchester turned in anger. "They're my boy's Bobby, I'll raise them as I see fit."_

_Bobby shook his head, "I won't watch this John. That kid is ashamed of crying and the other don't want this life. A blind man could see it. You'll destroy those boys_"_

_John dropped the bag and shoved Bobby back into the house and against the wall. "You're not one to lecture me on looking after family Bobby, given the way you took care of your wife!"_

_Bobby's face registered shock and John clearly realised that he had gone too far. Without a word he picked up the dropped bags and headed out the door only to stop and the sound of a gun clicking._

"_You come back here and I'll bury this in you" Bobby hissed, "But you stop those boys from coming here if they need it I'll make sure its got more than just rock salt in it."_

_John simply walked out without saying a word but from the set of his shoulders he'd heard Bobby loud and clear._

"_When we coming back?" Sam asked as he met them at the car._

"_We ain't"_

_Sam looked disappointed but Dean looked crushed. He glanced back at the house with a slightly mad look of desperation and then stared at his father. Without a word he steeled his shoulders and got in the car._

There were many variations of this event. John Winchester had cared about his children yet had shown it poorly. It was clear Dean and Sam still had their fair share of scars from their childhood. He needed to see more...

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

For almost a week Castiel had either been fighting with his brothers and sisters or looking into Dean Winchester's past. It was a colourful one though he was impressed by the boy's ability to look after his brother. Dean certainly had been conditioned to protect his brother.

It was starting to annoy him.

Watching a four year old child crawl into a cot with his baby brother was sweet. It showed how naturally caring Dean was that even at the age of four he had been considerate. Watching a young boy steal from others to give his brother a Christmas was misguided yet understandable and in many ways rather selfless.

But the list had gone on and on and on.

Dean Winchester lived for his brother and his father. Castiel was utterly unsure as to how Dean would cope alone.

It seemed that Sam Winchester would have to be given a great pardon otherwise all would be lost. It was infuriating that Sam deliberately chose to indulge in demonic powers and yet would be given pardon after pardon.

It was just as imperative that neither of the brothers realise that or else they would never listen.

He had deliberately stayed away from dark memories. He knew why Dean had gone to hell but had seen very few instances of the year in between the deal and the hellhounds collection. He hadn't touched on many shadowed areas of Dean's childhood. He had no idea why he avoided them.

That wasn't true, he knew exactly why.

The face. The confused, lost face that Dean had shown him the first and only time that they had stood face to face. The one that showed a shattered confidence and utter disregard for his own life. For some reason it made something inside Castiel feel as if it was bleeding.

And it made him hate the demons a little bit more each time.


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer: I won nothing that you recognise_

xxxx

The battle that he had fought in had been a hard one. So many had died that day. And Castiel had repeatedly throughout found himself checking that Dean was coping with the witnesses.

It was infuriating.

He had found himself uncharacteristically annoyed with Dean. Dean who seemed so together and far too sure of himself was far too interesting for Castiel to leave alone for long. And it was upsetting in many ways that he couldn't simply remain detached from his charge as the others could.

And so it was that he stood in Bobby Singer's kitchen once more. The door was wide open and he could see Sam and Dean asleep. After a few seconds of watching Dean he ensured that his charge would open his eyes to the scene with ease. Slowly Dean manoeuvred himself around and stared up at Castiel without a word.

Still he turned and checked on Sam.

It didn't help Castiel's fragile patience, but he breathed in calmly. He was an angel of the lord and he could manage to remain calm and in control no matter what the human did.

Quietly Dean stood and made his way over.

"Excellent job with the witnesses." Castiel begun feeling a little bit more sure of himself with Dean Winchester after watching so much of his life. Clearly Dean simply needed some encouragement and acknowledgement of his skills_

"You were hip to all this?" Dean whispered keeping his voice low.

"I was..um...made aware" Castiel replied nodding, Dean's response taking him back slightly.

"Well thanks a lot for the angelic assistance" Dean hissed "You know I almost got my heart ripped out of my chest"

"But you didn't" Castiel replied determined to keep in control of this.

"I thought Angel's were supposed to be guardians. Fluffy wings, halo's, you know Michael Landon"

Very slowly Castiel could feel his his determination to remain patient with this human drip away.

"Not dicks" Dean finished.

"Read the bible" Castiel said. It wasn't Dean's fault that these misconceptions existed, but it was necessary that Dean loose this childish ideas now. "Angel's are warriors of God" he said ensuring that he was once again clear with what he said. "I'm a soldier"

Dean's voice drifted over to him, sounding bored or disbelieving. "Yeah, well why didn't you fight?"

Arrogant human.

"I'm not here to perch on your shoulder. We had larger concerns_"

"Concerns? There are people getting torn to shreds down here. And by the way when all this is going on where the hell is your boss huh? If there even is a God?"

"There is a God" Castiel replied on reflex his voice getting harsher.

"Yeah well I'm not convinced"

The gaze was deliberately trying to annoy him. It was like talking to a small petulant child. Castiel glanced down determined not to let this human annoy him like this.

"'Cause if there is a God what is he waiting for huh? Genocide? Monsters roaming the earth? The freakin' apocalypse? At what point does he lift a damn finger and help the poor bastards that are stuck down here?"

It was such a typical argument that it sounded almost recycled. So it deserved an equally typical and recycled answer. Perhaps Dean was after some sort of familiarity.

"The Lord works_"

"You say in mysterious ways then so help me I will kick your ass"

Castiel threw up his hands and at the last second dragged them back to tap against the counter. This man was surely the most difficult one to walk the earth. What did he expect? He saw out of the corner of his eyes Dean react as if realising exactly what he'd said and who he'd said it to. He remained silent not quite trusting himself to talk. Instead he looked at Dean and knew that his own gaze invited Dean to continue mouthing off.

He wasn't sure if he was relieved or disappointed when Dean switched subjects.

"So Bobby was right?" Dean asked edging nearer. Probably foolishly at this point in Castiel's opinion. "About the witnesses? This is some kind of a sign about the apocalypse?"

"It's why we're here" Castiel relied trying to drag himself away from his frustrations with Dean's lack of faith. Apparently there was to be no asking of forgiveness either. "Big things afoot"

"Do I wanna know what kind of things?" Dean asked.

"I sincerely doubt it but you need to know" Castiel replied knowing the weight that the knowledge carried. He studied Dean as the man briefly glanced at his brother.

As before perhaps it was best to stick only with facts and details that Dean could and would accept.

"The rising of the witnesses is one of the sixty six seals_"

"Ok. I'm guessing that's not a show at sea world!"

Must he be so flippant? Resisting the urge to roll his eyes in the way he'd seen so many humans do Castiel continued as if there had been no interruption. "Those sixty-six seals are being broken by Lilith" He turned and saw Dean nod in acknowledgement of the name. More he saw a dawning realisation.

"She did the spell, she raised the witnesses."

Castiel made a noise of approval at the leap, "And not just here, twenty other hunters are dead."

"Of course. She picked victims that the hunters couldn't save so that they would barrel right after us." There was a note of bitterness in there.

Castiel nodded, "Lilith has a certain sense of humour" A terrible one he thought looking at Dean's tired face.

"Well we put those spirits back to rest_" Dean begun

"It doesn't matter the seal was broken." He turned to Dean half expecting him to share the horror of knowing that would come of that. But of course Dean looked confused.

Of course Dean didn't know what he'd started.

Castiel took a deep breath. It seemed that his thoughts were continuously taking him to a dark place no matter what he did.

"If you think of the seals as locks on a door"

"Ok, last one opens and?"

He hated to know it himself.

Turning he faces Dean once more. No matter how annoying and trying Dean seemed to be at this moment, Dean was his charge and he deserved Castiel's honesty and strength in this.

"Lucifer walks free"

Dean looked stunned for a moment. "Lucifer?" he questioned in a disbelieving tone.

Castiel allowed himself a small nod, all the while trying to focus on Dean.

"I thought Lucifer was just a story they told at Demon Sunday school. There's no such thing."

Castiel could hear the questioning tone in Dean's voice. His silly human was so determined to remain unshaken by all of this, seemed so afraid of being taken in by a lie. Was so desperate to be told that all of this was some great demonic joke.

Unsure of what else he could say Castiel simply settled with replying, "Three days ago you thought there was no such thing as me."

He saw how much Dean would like to deny even that. Inwardly he shook his head at his charges stubbornness. "Why do you think we're walking among you for the first time in 2000 years?" he asked.

"To stop Lucifer" Dean whispered hoarsely.

Castiel nodded gently, "It's why we've arrived"

"Well...bang up job so far. Stellar work with the witnesses. It's nice"

Castiel stared at Dean. A conversation with him caused Castiel to feel more emotion than he had in the past five hundred years. He had no idea whether to feel contrite or angry.

"We tried" he said knowing that this conversation needed to end soon before he lost all patience with this little merry-go-round of Dean Winchester's emotional reactions. "There are other battles" he said in the hopes of giving Dean some hope. "Other seals. Some we'll win, some we'll lose" He saw Dean roll his eyes, "This one we lost"

Dean scoffed at that. Wouldn't acknowledge the amount of effort that Castiel was putting into this conversation. Nor even it seemed Castiel's own part in this war.

His good will plummeted.

He stepped forward. Dean's attitude would not be tolerated much longer.

"Our numbers are not unlimited" He was getting closer then he would have liked and saw Dean tense up at the proximity. "Six of my brothers died in the field this week. You think the armies of heaven should just follow you around?"

Dean didn't reply, he seemed to be frozen in place. The silence, the lack of questioning, the end of the quick quips spurred Castiel on. Humans always seemed to think that they were at the very centre of everything. His brothers were dying because Dean had broken.

"There is a bigger picture here." he said and leant forward causing Dean to turn his head to avoid contact. His voice continued to be low and soft yet he had never seen Dean look more fearful of him. And by heaven the power of it stirred him on.

"You should show me some respect. I dragged you out of hell. I can throw you back in."

Dean had pulled away as far as he could and his eyes had widened in something that was part shock, part betrayal and part terror.

Castiel pulled himself away knowing somewhere inside of him that this wasn't helping matters at all. Without a doubt he should not have let it get this far. More he should not let it continue.

He left without a backward glance.

It was that night that he realised how perilous it was to allow the emotions to overcome him. His angelic powers seemed to falter the more that he indulged in such strong emotions. His annoyance and subsequent anger with Dean had caused him to make a hasty retreat from an important battle. Not until he had found his centre and calm again did he dare to take up his place as a warrior of God. It was an important lesson for him and for the others that had forgotten the dangers of walking with humans once more. A mistake that was understandable but that could not be made again.

It also made things...difficult. He watched from afar as Dean and Sam Winchester went on small and easy jobs against spirits and creatures of darkness. Saw some hunters react with shock and suspicion as the word got around that Dean Winchester had been raised from hell, was alive, healthy and apparently still human.

He also saw Sam sneak out at night and meet his demon. Saw him use those unnatural powers. Saw that Dean still did not know.

He did nothing. That night with Dean had been dangerous for them both and he feared making such a mistake again. Facing Dean head on about his brother was not something that he would choose to do unless it was utterly necessary.

Which was why when three weeks later the orders came he simply sat in silent thought and prayer for an hour.

_Sam Winchester must be stopped by whatever means_.

Sam was a threat and not simply due to his demonic curse. Dean had shown on numerous occasions that to make an enemy of the younger brother was to make an enemy of the elder. Castiel doubted that Dean would listen even halfway long enough for him to explain the situation. And so they needed an alternative. He made his suggestion and waited.

In so many ways it would be cruel, but Dean seemed to be oblivious to small, subtle and calm methods.

The motel was empty of Sam when he arrived. He had known it would be. The single occupant lay asleep in the bed, his face creased with some strong emotions. Curious Castiel skimmed his mind.

Flashes of a bloody, broken face hit him. Green eyes no longer hooded and suspicious but full of pain and pleading. Castiel pulled away uncomfortable with the feeling inside of him.

His charge remembered hell. Or was remembering it. His superiors had been so sure that Dean would forget, that the human mind could only take so much before it had to bury away the horrors of life.

Slowly Castiel eased himself onto the edge of the bed so that he and Dean were facing away from each other. It was too late to stop now, but the knowledge that his charge was suffering in this way was troubling. It certainly made what he was about to do more difficult. He rubbed his hand on his face, an all too human action and one that he had picked up from watching the Winchester lives. Slowly he let his palm drop from his face and shook his head. It could not be delayed much longer and Dean was still caught in his fears.

Gently he pulled his charge from his nightmare. He expected Dean to wake instantly alert and accusing as always but instead Dean lay there for minutes gasping and trembling ever so slightly.

He could not comfort him. For one Dean would never accept it. For another it seemed that the comforting of a charge opened up a dangerous path for them both. One had to remain mindful of the larger concerns.

But perhaps he was looking at this all wrong. Perhaps his plan for Dean would distract him, give him something else to focus all his attention on. Give him drive and purpose instead of allowing him to wallow in dark thoughts.

Either way it was too late now.

He could see Dean stiffen in confusion. Before his charge could get himself worked up Castiel spoke.

"Hello Dean."

Dean instantly turned.

"What were you dreaming about?" It came out like a challenge. Like an accusation. He knew how to distract Dean perfectly by now. Could rile him up better than he could calm him but the process was improving. Dean instantly became defensive, his body moving restlessly.

"What you get your freak on by watching other people sleep?" He still looked a little nervous. But when Castiel would have weeks ago insisted that he was not interfering in Dean's life and was instead there to help he now simply remained quiet.

"What d'ya want?" Dean asked eventually.

"Listen to me." Castiel began. Then stopped his explanation. Dean would likely only fight him. "You have to stop it" he said fixing Dean a look.

"Dean looked bewildered, "Stop what?" he asked breathlessly.

Castiel simply pressed his fingers against Dean's forehead and sent him away.

If only he could explain things like that more often.

He followed Dean a second later to ensure that his charge didn't get himself to any normal human trouble. He was correct in his estimation that it would be day when Dean woke up in 1973. John Winchester looked almost painfully young and utterly carefree if a little wary of his future unknown son.

In his desperation and confusion Castiel watched Dean follow his father out of the diner clearly forgetting that while John wasn't yet a hunter he still had military training. Castiel could see from the way that John moved he knew Dean was close behind him.

He blocked Dean in the street allowing John to disappear from Dean's eye line. It was not John that Dean needed to follow and talk to.

Dean looked surprised to see him but more he looked utterly confused. "What is this?" he demanded.

"What does it look like?" Castiel replied.

Dean didn't blink. "Is it real?" he asked.

Well at least that answer avoided any more of their spats.

"Very" Castiel simply said.

"So what angels got their hands of some delorians? How did I get here?"

This was the wrong brother to have this conversation with. Castiel looked away at the street that was such a product of its time. "Time is fluid Dean. It's not easy but we can bend it on occasion."

"Well bend it back or tell me what the hell I'm doing here"

Dean showed no awe. No wonder at this. Sam Winchester for all his current faults and issues would have been fascinated, would have seen it as a once in a lifetime opportunity. Not Dean though it seemed. Dean needed to have everything be about something, have a task."I told you. You have to stop it"

"Stop what huh? What is there something nasty after my Dad?"

He turned instantly as the car screeched and skidded. Castiel watched him carefully. Sometimes it was better to simply allows Dean to understand through experience.

He vanished yet kept an eye on his charge.

His charge whose first act was to ensure that John Winchester bought the car that Dean seemed to have far too much attachment to. It made Castiel smile and clench his teeth in equal measures. It was such a Dean thing to do.

He watched as Dean's eyes lit up as he watched his parents as simple normal people out for a date. It touched something inside of Castiel that Dean wouldn't bat an eyelid at the idea of time travel and yet would stare in wonder at two people that he knew and loved being happy and carefree. That he expressed a desire for his brother to see what he saw.

It was a look that Dean should wear more often as far as Castiel was concerned. Even as he cracked a comment about going to hell or going again for acknowledging that his mother was, what was the expression? A babe? He was still so much more centred. It was...heart-warming seemed to be the best word.

Dean was still too impulsive. Too quick to react emotionally. His whole "My dad can see the future" line was pathetic. Dean could have, should have come up with much better. But he was clearly far too flustered and far too enamoured with the idea that he could change the future.

Castiel dreaded telling him that despite time's fluidity destiny could never really be changed. Dean and Sam were meant to become hunters and so they needed to be placed on that path.

His statement had never really referred to time travel.

As Dean drove away Castiel appeared in the seat next to him. He heard Dean's surprised gasp and felt the car swerve ever so slightly. But it seemed that Dean was becoming more and more accustomed to his sudden appearances.

It pleased him a little more than he knew it should.

"So what? God's my co-pilot is that it?" Dean asked.

Castiel looked at him in confusion not quite too sure why Dean was picking a fight over his choice to turn up now.

"Well you're a regular chatty Kathy" Dean quipped glancing between Castiel and the road. "Tell me something, Sam would have wanted in on this, why not bring him back?"

Castiel flickered his gaze towards Dean and for a brief flash imagined Sam Winchester with all of his demonic powers here.

"You had to do this alone Dean." We had to know that you _could_ do this alone among other things he thought silently.

Dean seemed to accept this for once, "And you don't care that he's tearing up the future looking for me right now?"

Castiel kept his eyes on the road ahead, "Sam's not looking for you"

Dean looked away and didn't fight him on that. "All right if I do this then the family curse breaks right? Mom and Dan live happily ever after, Sam and I grow up...playing little league and chasing tail."

He imagined that was what normal was for humans. Dean seemed to be lacking in knowledge about it too.

"You realise that if you do alter the future, your father, you, Sam, you'll never become hunters and all those people you've saved, they'll die."

He saw Dean's facial expression close of as he seemed unsure of the words. "I realise" he said quietly.

"And you don't care?" Castiel pushed interested in how far Dean would empathise.

"Oh I care" Dean said his sentiment utterly genuine. "I care a lot. But these are my parents. I'm not gonna let them die again. I cant"

Castiel left. The words "Not of I can stop it" drifting to him as he did.

He knew it was the best thing to do, to leave Dean to his own thoughts and concious. But he was suddenly, inexplicably angry.

_I'm not gonna let them die again_

Dean took far too much on himself.

Let them die.

It seemed that it hadn't occurred to Dean that Castiel himself could stop the Azazel. That any Angel could. But these things had to happen for the good of the many. Either Dean on some level understood that his concerns where not heaven's concerns or he simply didn't expect much.

He never once called for help when he was being pinned to that bookcase, For all his mouthing of last time they had met about Castiel's lack of help, Castiel could see that it never occurred to Dean in the heat of the moment.

Or it perhaps it was the fear of Castiel's threat that ensured he didn't ask. Not even when the demon leaned in far beyond what Dean was comfortable with and Dean shivered from it. Not even when Azazel himself reminded Dean that there were Angels on his shoulder.

Castiel couldn't help cringing at what was being said. For one it wasn't at all surprising that Azazel had disliked Dean with a passion. As difficult as it was to watch his charge throw himself head first into Azazel's path the conversation clearly confirmed suspicions that Azazel had been working with Lilith at some point. There was something more here...If only Dean hadn't been so impetuous. Hadn't trusted his grandfather so quickly then perhaps the demon would have revealed more of his plans for Sam and the seals.

But when he saw Dean standing there in the car headlights, looking so disappointed and ashamed, watching his parents, he couldn't help but lay a hand on Dean's shoulder. The closest contact that they had both with each other since their journey up from hell. Neither said anything but he felt Dean lean in just a little to his touch and stare at him as though he had the answers.

And he gripped a little tighter, part of him wishing that he could have protected Dean from this, though it was the only way. So he did the only thing he could. He took him back and away from the painful sight. Back to the motel where Dean slept.

He stood in front of Dean watching as he breathed in and out and almost placed a resting hand on his charges head. Realising the weakness that he was displaying he backed away and stared out of the window, feeling more unsure than he liked to admit.

Dean sat up slowly. There were no jokes, no statements designed to annoy or push away. Castiel almost hoped for them.

"I could stop any of it" Dean confessed. Clearly Dean was waiting for condemnation. "She still made the deal" he pushed further. Still Castiel didn't respond. "She still died in the nursery didn't she?" he asked clearly determined for some response, seemingly hoping to hear harsh words.

"Don't be too hard on yourself" Castiel said into the silence. "You couldn't have stopped it"

He heard Dean stand slowly, "What?" he bit out.

It wasn't quite what he thought Dean's response would be.

"Destiny cant be changed Dean. All roads lead to the same destination."

Dean shook his head, "Then why d'you send me back?"

"For the truth" Castiel said with a shake of his shoulders, "Now you know everything we do"

Dean leaned forward, "What the hell are you talking about?" he asked in a voice that sounded far too beseeching for it to be Dean's.

Castiel simply turned his gaze to the empty bed.

He could see Dean immediately enter into his protective mode. "Where's Sam?" He sounded so much more in control of himself.

Castiel watched him carefully. "We know what Azazel did to your brother. What we don't know is why, what his end game is. He went to great lengths to cover that up."

Dean's face showed furious understanding, "Where's Sam?" he asked again, his tone different from before.

Determined. The voice the he used when demanding information on a hunt.

Castiel inwardly nodded his approval at this side of Dean.

"425 Waterman" Castile replied and watched as Dean's face grew even more clenched, though what the prevailing emotion was he couldn't be sure. For a second he thought that Dean would lash out as he walked forward but Dean kept on going towards the door.

"Your brother is heading down a dangerous road Dean" he said, his gaze never leaving the wall. "We're not sure where it leads."

By the door Dean barely seemed to be listening, gathering his jacket and equipment.

"So stop it"

He let his eyes finally look at Dean who had frozen at that, "Or we will".

Dean looked up with fear. "What?" he asked, his voice barely audible.

"You heard Dean" Castiel disliked how his voice held no area for argument.

"You'd...You'd what kill him?" Dean asked facing him squarely.

Castiel looked down, "Do not let it get that far" he warned. "I asked you to stop it. You have seen how everyone has secrets and everyone has a price" he stepped forward. "Your family is no exception."

Dean swallowed and nodded his hand reaching for the door.

"Dean"

He knew that his charge wouldn't look back at him but he could see him waiting for whatever Castiel had to say.

"Be careful with him."

He heard a snort come from Dean as he yanked the door open. "Clearly you don't know him or me as well as you think" he snarled and slammed the door behind him.

Castiel remained. It was the first time that Dean had left a conversation rather than the other way round. With a sigh he turned and sat on the bed that was still warm from Dean's body.

He remembered the flashes.

He would need to keep an eye on Dean. Dean who still hadn't said a word about hell to anyone. Dean who seemed to be running on orders and necessity at the moment. He would wear down eventually.

But his human was strong. Stronger than most of what he'd seen. Driven by love in the strangest and most warped way that one could be. Yet so utterly fragile. One well placed hit and Dean would shatter like glass.

Sam Winchester would have to be careful. There were few people on this earth that could deliver the blow that would break Dean. Sam was certainly one of them. The sheer faith that Dean had in Sam was commendable and hopefully not misdirected.

It was all so tempting. To gather Dean away from the world and let him heal, perhaps at the same time teach him to trust and have some modicum of respect for God and his word. But Dean by his nature would rebel and reject and likely think the worst if he were removed from the fight. Both orders and nature dictated that the idea was a foolish one, something that shouldn't even be entertained.

Oddly it made it no less tempting.

Castiel shook himself. He needed to leave before the brothers returned. There was work to be done.


	3. Chapter 3

AN

Still own nothing. Probably one of my shorter chapters but the next one is slowly becoming a monster!

Thank you to all reviewers and alerters and favouriters (is that a word?)!

Chapter 3

(In between "In the beginning" and "Monster Movie")

Pride was a sin that Castiel seemed to be suffering from more and more these days. Pride in Dean Winchester. He couldn't quite pinpoint the exact moment that this had happened. When Dean's stubbornness became a sign of Dean's strength of character rather than him simply being obnoxious but it had happened. The more he watched of Dean's life, of his actions now the more pride he felt. Pride at how solid and steadfast the man appeared. How he did what was necessary to protect Sam. Dean had used Sam's faith in God, in Angels even though he clearly didn't share it. He had faced Sam and wouldn't back away even though he must be shaking inside from his nightmare, from the revelations of the previous night.

Castiel prayed that he could be as strong when protecting Dean.

The Winchester boys seemed to be sending rather a lot of time with Bobby, especially since Sam had stopped using demon powers. But the downside was that Dean seemed to be sticking to Sam like glue and Sam was getting sick of it.

Which was how, when two jobs came through Sam went off with Bobby for once and Dean left for the easier salt and burn job.

It was vaguely amusing to see Dean drum along on his steering wheel with wild abandon to music that was far too loud for Castiel's taste, and he had to wonder when he had gained a streak of mischief as he decided that now was the time to make his presence known.

"Dean"

"God damnit!" This time the car really did swerve and Dean looked completely caught out. "You trying to kill me?" he demanded.

Castiel ignored him. "You should not be alone."

"Yeah well, live with it. Got Sam back on track didn't I? He's demon free now!"

Castiel looked out of the window at the passing landscape with some frustration. "When was the last time you did a job alone Dean?"

He could almost feel the glare. "Me and Sammy aren't joined at the hip you know?" he snapped. "And I'm not some rookie at this."

"I know that, but still it is not a good idea for you to be alone" he reiterated.

In the reflection he could see Dean glance between him and the road. "So what do you suggest I do huh? Sam and I are going nuts together"

Castiel pulled his gaze away from the window and looked at Dean. He saw the dawning realisation on his charges face.

"Oh hell no" Dean swore and pulled over. "I do not need a baby sitter" he announced shoving a finger in Castiel's direction.

"I think Dean perhaps you do" Castiel replied. "At least while the nightmares are occurring"

He saw the eyes narrow in anger, "I told you to keep away from me when i'm asleep" he snarled.

Castiel merely nodded, "I may get pulled away anyway. But for now indulge me. Is this not what you implied you wanted in the kitchen weeks ago?"

Dean glared at him and then pulled back into the road. "That was before you told me you'd put me back in the pit for complaining" he replied staring straight ahead.

Castiel sighed, "Dean my patience is not unlimited either. You are...difficult when it comes to many of these matters." he glanced to the side at Dean. "I should not have threatened you with that."

Dean didn't really acknowledge the apology, "So you wouldn't throw me back?"

Castiel closed his eyes a little pained, "It seems very unlikely that it would be ordered."

Dean nodded and glanced at him with some confusion in his eyes, "But you wouldn't do it just cause you wanted to?"

Castiel raised an eyebrow, "I would not disobey heaven" he replied, "Neither would I allow any reaction to your words rule me."

Dean nodded once more, a smile tugging at his lips, "So I can be an ass?"

Castiel took a deep breath, "I would prefer it of you were not" he said sincerely. He glanced over in surprise when Dean chuckled. "What?"

Dean simply shook his head, "Nothing" but the smile remained. "So you gonna need a bed or_"

"I do not need to sleep." Castiel replied easily. "Nor will I stay with you while you research. Simply call me when you face this being you hunt or feel in danger"

Dean gave him a suspicious look, "and what you'll jump to my rescue?"

"No"

Dean seemed taken aback, "Huh?"

Castiel stiffened feeling summons. "I will simply ensure that you do not die."

Dean's mouth tightened, "I'm not dying from a ghost. Give me some credit."

"Dean" Castiel begun but stopped when he felt a more urgent summon. "I must leave but promise me that you will call and only face this thing when I am there."

Dean didn't look at him but clicked his jaw and gave a sharp nod. He saw Dean open his mouth to ask more but Castiel vanished before he could get a word out.

There were more demons, another seal. They stopped the threat this time but it would only be a matter of time before the forces of hell would try again. They were rather persistent it seemed.

Dean on the other hand was equally as persistent. Only his manifestation was to stubbornly insist that he needed no-one's help. Not now, not ever. And to stubbornly ignore orders and promises and anything else that involved Castiel.

Foolish boy.

"I thought I told you to call me"

Dean whipped around, his flash light blindingly bright. They stood in a partly collapsed house that was far too quiet.

"You said you had things to do" Dean shrugged, "Besides I got it. Dunno if you realised this but i've been doing it for half my life."

Castiel nodded in agreement. "Unless you count your time in hell"

Dean froze instantly and then and looked away, "Why d'ya keep mentioning that. I don't remember." He started to walk away in the direction of the stairs.

"I don't believe you" Castiel replied calmly.

"Yeah well tough" Dean started up the staircase carefully testing each step before placing his whole weight on it. "I don't remember" he threw over his shoulder harshly.

Castiel watched him climb the stairs and simply willed himself up to the room that Dean now stood in.

"Christ do you have to do that?" Dean said jumping slightly, "Especially when i'm ghost hunting"

"You should not say his name in vain" Castiel admonished, "Besides should you not be burning the body?"

Dean shook his head, "Body was never recovered." he explained flashing his torch light into the dark corners of the room.

"You believe that it is up here?" Castiel asked doubtfully.

Dean dropped the light, "I'm making sure before I go into the maze down there" he huffed, "I'm not stupid."

"I did not mean to imply that you were."

Dean shot him a suspicions look but nonetheless seemed to leave the subject alone. "So what were you doing?" he asked.

Castiel studied the room as Dean flashed a light up the chimney. "We were protecting a seal"

"Yeah?" Dean's voice floated over to him slightly muffled, "How'd that one go?"

"We were successful" he said picking up a broken figurine. "For now." He looked around. "What is this job then?"

Dean's head emerged slightly sooty from the chimney. "House was burned almost fifty years ago. Kids trespass and most end up mysteriously burned to death." He shrugged. "One body was missing but that's all the records will say. Knowing our luck..." he shrugged with annoyance.

Castiel watched him. "That frustrates you?"

Dean sighed as he did a last sweep with his torch before moving onto a new room, "It's just..." he seemed to struggle with the word. "...sad I guess."

"Why?"

"Most of the time Sammy and me, we find out stuff that's almost forgotten. The human story." He opened up a cupboard, "It's just... I like knowing. That we got the bad guys or that we revealed the bad guys. Otherwise hunting ghosts just gets depressing" he slammed the doors shut far louder than was necessary. "Besides the story usually helps when dealing with spooks." He knelt and pulled up a floorboard examining what was beneath. He stood up and let the wood fall with an almighty clatter to the ground.

Castiel narrowed his eyes, "You're attempting to disturb it?"

Dean nodded, "Don't know anything about it. If I cant find the body tonight I gotta have some way of knowing who i'm looking to salt and burn"

"I assume that Bobby and Sam are unaware that the ghost's identity remains a mystery?"

Dean nodded walking into another room, "They got a shifter, or some weird kind of shape shifter anyway. The geeks are loving the research"

"That is not what I meant" Castiel chastised. Dean simply shrugged and to Castiel's horror started shouting.

"Here ghosty ghosty ghosty. Got a nice treat here for you"

"Dean" Castiel hissed, "Do not be reckless"

Dean simply flashed him a smile and then shifted his gaze behind him. The smile dropped instantly and he stared.

Castiel turned to see a glowing figure behind him, but he could see no detail. He felt what would have been a wave of the ghosts power try to throw him but he remained unmoved.

A gun shot went off behind him and rock salt blasted through the figure causing it to vanish in a puff of fire.

"Did you see what it was?" Dean asked at his side staring intently at the spot that the ghost had been in.

Castiel shook his head, "Perhaps it would be best_"

He cut himself off as he both felt and heard the doors slam shut, the windows bolt down. Dean simply looked irritated.

"That's uncool" he yelled.

"Do you really believe that annoying it is a good plan?" Castiel asked watching his charge utterly unsure how to react to this situation.

Dean grinned, "They're ghosts. Everything pisses them off!" He looked around, "You reckon up here is a bust?"

Castiel shook his head exasperated, "We need to get you out of here."

Dean ignored him, "Report said that they checked the cellars. Unless they were really stupid they couldn't have missed a body down there but it's a big place..." He seemed to be talking to himself more than anything as he walked out of Castiel's sight.

Castiel glanced heavenward took a dee breath and then once again followed Dean on his foolish hunt.

"So Cas hows_"

"What did you just call me?" he asked.

Dean's mouth was tilting upwards, "Cas."

"That is not my name."

"Yeah but you should get used to it. What if I'm chocking to death and can only manage one syllable?"

Castiel stared at the human as he pulled up a floorboard. Cas? He decided to ignore it, it was likely Dean's way of teasing him.

"Ask your question" he said.

Dean looked up and opened his mouth. Clearly he changed his mind because it didn't seem like the question he had been about to ask. "How about giving me a hand?"

"It is your hunt remember?"

Dean raised his eyebrows at that but carried on, his mouth pressed in a thin line.

"Why are you looking for a body under the floor when you say that a fire was the cause of death?"

Dean shook his head, "Way I figure the fire in the house may have been covering up something else. There really wasn't much of a report. Someone was trying to hide something..." He turned and studied one of the walls that to Castiel looked a little wrong somehow. But then what did he know of this kind of architecture. Dean shrugged and rummaged around in his large brown bag.

"You are far too impetuous without your brother" Castiel observed.

Dean tilted his head as he considered the wall with the crowbar in his hand. "Yeah well he is the brains of the family." he glanced over his shoulders, "I'm the cool one" he added with a wink.

"I simply meant that you are more carefree with your own life than with Sam's"

He could almost feel Dean rolling his eyes at that as if it was something that he had been told many times. He raised the crowbar.

Suddenly Dean was flying in the direction of a very fragile window. As Dean crashed through it Castiel reached out and grabbed his charge by the front of his shirt and hauled him back in almost automatically. He had barely got Dean back through the window before an ear splitting scream howled through the house.

He stared in disbelief as Dean was immediately up, despite having nearly fallen to his death and grabbing the shotgun. Once again Castiel had to push him to the floor as the fiery being tried grabbing Dean. His human was insane.

"Quit it" Dean yelled at Castiel over the sound of objects smashing and the supernatural wind that had stirred up. Dean slowly raised himself to his feet flaring up at him as though it were Castiel kicking up this unholy racket.

"You are ill prepared for this Dean" Castiel insisted looking around for an exit.

He knew the second that he'd said it, it was the wrong choice of phrase. That famous Winchester stubbornness kicked in and Dean angrily set his jaw. He picked up the disregarded iron crowbar and swung at the ghostly figure. The next swing was aimed at the wall and this time hit true. He hit again covering his face as plaster and brick flew back at him.

"Salt" he barked at Castiel.

Castiel stood and made his way to the bag, unconcerned at the chaos that raged around him. He tossed the salt to Dean who was pouring whatever was in his hip flask onto the mostly concealed body behind the wall. His lighter was out of his pocket in a flash and put to the alcohol. As it sprung up he liberally poured salt.

There was one last shriek and then nothing.

He could see the smile on Dean's face as he watched the body burn. But it was a harsh smile. Ruefully satisfied.

"Still think I cant do it?" he asked not turning. "That was pretty easy even by my standards."

Castiel stared at the mess of plaster, soot and human in front of him. "Dean_" he begun.

"You distracted me earlier with the window" Dean accused. His hands waving in the direction of the shattered glass "I sure as hell don't need you to perch on my shoulder."

Castiel said nothing but moved closer. "Hold still" he ordered and saw Dean freeze. Slowly he reached out for the glass shard that lay in Dean's collar dangerously close to piercing the nape of his neck. "You're covered in it" He held out the glass in front of Dean so that he could see what Castiel meant.

"It's fine" Dean ground out.

Catiel shook his head, "You should be more careful. Surely you don't want to end up with the same amount of scars that you used to have." He picked another shard off.

Under his hands Dean tilted his head and winced as he brushed tiny pieces on his shoulder. He flashed a grin, "Hey they made me popular with the ladies." Castiel didn't react to that but saw Dean frown as though what Castiel had just said had gotten through, "What do you know about that anyway? The scars i mean?"

Castiel held a hand out calling the pieces towards him. Some dropped out of Dean's hair, but most of it had gotten caught in the folds of his jacket or in the gaps between skin and fabric. "You must have noticed that you have none of your previous scars Dean. Or did you assume that your body was kept in a comatose like state while you were in hell?"

He couldn't see Dean's face but the set of the shoulders told him that his charge was in deep thought. "So what you like regrew me or something?"

Castiel sighed stepping back. "It is hard to explain. Does it matter? Your body is functional is it not?"

Dean turned around, "Well yeah but...so did you..do it?

Castiel back up a little unsure what Dean was asking, "I restored both your soul and your body to earth" he said.

Dean stepped forward eyes narrowed, "But you did it right yeah?" he sounded a little panicked. As if Castiel would have made a mistake.

Castiel drew himself up, a little annoyed at the insinuation, "You have had no complainants thus far" he pointed out unsure of what Dean's problem was.

Dean nodded and then looked even more worried, "Well...yeah but I haven't....I gotta test it out" he said looking around with some confusion.

"What with?" Castiel asked.

Dean's eyes widened with something, "Nothing" he almost squeaked.

Castiel nodded feeling as if he had missed something. "Well if there are any problems then be sure to let me_"

Dean closed his eyes "No! No i'm sure it's good. We do not need that conversation. Not with a freaking angel"he looked about himself. "There has gotta be a way out of this place."

"I would imagine the way you came in is now free" Castiel said thrown by the fact that he was certainly missing something here.

Dean nodded and gave him a brief and weak smile and a nod before almost running out of the room. Castiel could swear that he heard Dean muttering to himself.

With a smile he left him to it.

YF-YF-YF-YF

The battles were hard and fierce after that. He barely had any time to look in on his charge. It was only as one was over and they had lost that he felt Dean call him nearly a month later.

He was curious. Until now Dean had flatly refused to call for any help and yet he knew it was not a demonic threat.

He appeared in a motel room next to Dean who was actually kissing a bible.

For a second all Castiel could do was stare and then look around to check this wasn't some bizarre dream of Dean's. His eyes immediately focussed on the body opposite and he returned his gaze to Dean. Had Dean killed the man perhaps?

Dean's eyes had snapped open and he slowly turned his head. He then let out an upset breath looking away and down from Castiel.

"No. No" Dean ground out, shielding away from him and almost using the bible as a barrier between them.

"Dean?" Castiel asked leaning forward slowly, not wanting to scare Dean, "It's me Castiel." Dean gave no reaction. "What is it?" He caught sight of the wounds on Dean's arms and grabbed his charge's shoulder. "What is happening?" he asked glancing back at the body and cursing himself for not keeping an eye on Dean.

Dean stiffened completely as he held his shoulder, his face looking both furious and terrified. He eased himself away from Castiel, ducking under his grip and then bending his body away to ensure that he remained as far away as possible while moving. He retreated out of arms reach.

"You...you are not real" he almost yelled pointing at Castiel with the bible while not even looking anywhere near him.

"Dean" Castiel said standing up. "What is happening?" he repeated trying to be as calm and clear as possible. "Don't you remember me?"

Slowly Dean's eyes turned in his direction but not his actual eye line. Instead Dean seemed to be looking at something else that was much shorter. He was almost trembling, looking so very, very frightened. Slowly he pulled his hand with the bible back with a shaking hand as the thing he watched got closer.

Following Dean's eye line Castiel stared intently at the spot dean was focussed on. No matter what he did he could neither see nor feel anything there.

Dean let out a cry of pain grabbing at his chest as he bent over, the pain driving him to his knee's. "You are not real" he said sounding as if he was trying to hold onto the idea.

Castiel knelt beside Dean and placed a hand under his chin "Dean_"

Dean's head shot up and further back than Castiel's touch intended and far more than was surely comfortable. Almost as if there was someone else here. Castiel looked at him helplessly. "Dean can you hear me?" he asked watching as those green eyes begged to something that he was starting to be more and more certain wasn't there. "You need to calm down, your burning up"

"Why me?" Dean asked quietly, "Why'd I get infected?" He pleaded.

Castiel whirled around and stared at the body. The man had marks on his arm like Dean had. Last he'd heard the boys were investigating a killing where people...

Castiel took a deep breath with realisation as he focussed back on Dean. Died of terror. Ghost fever. It at least explained why Sam wasn't around, he was likely battling this thing. But Sam wasn't his charge and it would take too long to find him. Longer than Dean had.

"What?" Dean whispered his entire focus on this delusion. He suddenly let out a chocked cry as he clutched at his heart and fell backwards. Castiel followed him back and concentrated on Dean trying to calm him long enough for Sam to save his brother. The pain clearly didn't stop but Dean wasn't getting any worse. Dean started desperately grabbing his throat as if being strangled, his eyes bulging and his legs moving them both away from whatever was terrifying Dean. Castiel bit back his annoyance as he was forced to move with Dean on his knee's to keep contact with him and fight the terror that was engulfing his charge. Dean jerked too suddenly and Castiel lost his grip

Dean sucked in his breath and his eyes widened as if he was about to die. Determined Castiel reached out again and held onto him tighter almost suspending Dean's animation and was relieved that ten seconds later Dean suddenly coughed and drew in air normally. He backed away as Dean instantly checked his arms for wounds that were gone and took deep gulps of relief.

He vanished before Dean realised that he had been there. If there was one thing that he had learnt about the hunter was that he detested appearing vulnerable in any shape or form in front of others.

It didn't stop him from lurking around though. He stayed around for almost a week, popping in at quiet times that gave Dean too much time to think. His charge was having the nightmares still. It was become harder and harder to drag him from them.

Though Dean's odd launch into a dream with his own rendition of Eye of the Tiger was never going to stop amusing him. And the rather sheepish smile that Dean had woken up with would never fade from his memory.

AN

Sorry couldn't resist after seeing the clip at the end of Yellow Fever!


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

_I own nothing_

_Loved the episode on Thursday; I think I kept making weird squeaky noises most of the way through! Don't worry tho, no s5 spoilers here! Just the warning that because i am going from episodes here and not scripts i may have gotten a word wrong, but for the life of me i cannot figure out what they are saying in it so i went with my best bet. If i get it right thank god, if not and you spot it please let me know what it is!!! I have a feeling that it may well be an American reference and as an english person it may have gone straight over my head! Sigh, i feel like i'm turning this fic into a game:P_

_This will be the last chapter that mostly consists of dialogue from the episodes. Partly cause i feel a lot more confident with the characters and partly becasue i am starting to get a little scared that watching the episodes over and over to this extent is going to make me hate them!_

_The beginning is mainly "It's the great Pumpkin Sam Winchester". Should you wish to skip to the original part i will not be offended. or should you wish to turn away now that my own stuff is about to shine through i salute you for your great and wisdomous mind ;)_

_Oh and warning for swearing!  
_

xxxxx

Samhain was rising. It was to be Dean's third brush with the seals. It was also to be Dean's first time meeting Uriel.

Castiel loved his brother, as was well and proper but even he was not going to entertain the idea that Dean and Uriel would get on. More he knew that should the two clash heads he would likely side with Dean.

It was going to be a difficult battle in more ways than one.

He sensed the hex bag the second that he entered the room. Without pausing in his stride he walked up to the wall and pushed through. His hand closed over the hex bag and he almost hissed at the strength of it.

"Witches" Uriel sneered and shook his head. "They are the worst of them"

Castiel didn't reply and instead placed the bag on the night stand.

"This is where he lives?" Uriel asked in clear disgust. His vessel's voice suited him well.

Castiel sat on the bed he knew was Dean's. "This week."

Uriel made a face and stood at the window. "There will not be much to miss about this town."

Castiel looked down, "Why are you so sure that destroying the town is the better option?"

"It is the one that is the most logical"

Castiel couldn't argue with that. Dean would probably would but not Castiel.

It would be petty to remind Uriel that Dean was in charge and that he wouldn't allow the destruction to occur. But it would be rather satisfying. He was sure his pride was causing problems again.

"You would not care?" he settled for asking.

Uriel did not hesitate, "Not about them."

Castiel stared at him pained and uncertain. He heard the door open and Sam Winchester yell out "Who are you." He didn't even react. Dean's voice came to him, further away than Sam's instructing Sam to wait.

"That's Castiel" Dean said and he heard the sound of a gun being touched. "The Angel" he added in an undertone. "Him I don't know."

Castiel spared a glance at Uriel as he stood but the large vessel continued to stare out of the window with his back to them.

Sam was staring at him with wonder and eagerness that reminded him of the small boy that he had once been.

"Oh my God" Sam muttered and then caught himself, "Uh I mean, I didn't mean to...sorry." It was the exact reaction he had wanted from Dean all those months ago. He glanced at Dean for a split second who seemed to be intently studying Uriel. "It's an honour, really, I...i've heard a lot about you." Sam continued and walked forward with his hand out for a handshake.

Castiel hesitated, this boy was meant to be an enemy. He glanced again at Dean who threw him a rather dangerous look before he turned to close the door. It would do no harm to indulge the younger brother. He slowly reached out and grasped the offered hand not having done this before. He certainly couldn't see any time that this would happen with Dean.

"And I you" Castiel offered. Sam looked relieved.

"Sam Winchester" Castiel continued placing his hand over Sam's. "The boy with the demon blood."

Sam looked taken aback by that. Even hurt. He was easier to read than his brother.

"I'm glad to hear you've ceased your extra curricula activities".

He saw that Sam was unsure how to take that. He almost opened his mouth to assure the boy that it was indeed a good thing and one that they all appreciated when Uriel finally spoke up.

"Let's keep it that way"

He saw both Dean and Sam glance at Uriel and released Sam's hand gently.

"Yeah okay chuckles" Dean said glancing at him, "Whose your friend?" he asked Castiel seemingly impatient.

"The raising of Samhain, have you stopped it?" he asked looking at Sam. He didn't have the time to go through the usual routine with Dean, if nothing else it would certain incur Uriel's wrath.

"Why?" Dean asked seemingly unfazed that Castiel was not speaking to him. It seemed that Dean was determined to be a pain anyway...

"Dean have you located the witch?" he asked putting all of his focus on his charge.

"Yes we've located the witch." He could almost swear that Dean was talking to him like he talked to Dean. Precisely and clearly so as not to be misunderstood. Interesting.

"Is the witch dead?"

"No but_" Sam started sounding worried.

"We know who it is" Dean said in a voice that sounded as if he was humouring him. The expression on his face was as if he was talking to a child.

It was as if Dean worked at keeping Castiel off balance with him. He opened his mouth to say something but changed his mind.

"Apparently the witch knows who you are too" throwing Dean a glare, walking with purpose towards the bed and picking up the hex bag. "This was inside the wall of your room. If we hadn't found it surely one or both of you would be dead." He saw both straighten with realisation.

"Do you know where the witch is now?"

He saw Dean glance back at his brother and they seemed to talk without words. He looked down knowing his orders and hoping that as much as Dean continually surprised him he would not disappoint him.

"We're working on it" Dean said.

"That's unfortunate" he glanced at Uriel seeing his brother's vessel shift.

"What do you care?" Dean asked sounding annoyed.

"The raising of Sam Hain is one of the sixty six seals_"

"So this is about your buddy Lucifer?" Dean interrupted seeming much cockier than Castiel remembered. He couldn't tell if it was due to Uriel, the fact that his younger brother was with him, or whether Dean was simply in that kind of mood.

"Lucifer is no friend of ours" Uriel's voice boomed out. Castiel had no idea if it was Dean's interruption or his insinuation that had brought Uriel out of his rather silent contemplation. Dean's glance towards Uriel was slightly surprised and perhaps even a little fearful.

But as ever his human wouldn't be cowed.

"It's just an expression" Dean replied, his voice strong and his eyes flickering over Uriel with wariness.

Castiel stared ahead hoping that would be it between the two of them. "Lucifer cannot rise." he said and looked at Dean, knowing exactly what it would cost Dean if he did. He walked back to his original position. "The breaking of the seal must be prevented at all costs." he deliberately placed himself away from Dean knowing that his charge wouldn't like what they would suggest.

"Ok great!" Dean said "Well now that you're here why don't you tell us where the witch is, we'll gag her and everyone goes home happy." There was that smile again, the fuck you smile that Dean seemed to be wearing a lot these days.

Especially around Castiel.

Castiel shook his head, "We are not omniscient, this witch is very powerful, she's cloaked to even our methods."

Sam spoke up suddenly, Castiel had even started to forget that he was there. "Ok well we already know who she is, so if we work together_"

Dean had already started shifting uncomfortably before Uriel cut Sam off. "Enough of this" Uriel ordered from his place at the window.

Dean was not playing.

"Who are you and why should I care" he asked challengingly at the man, his entire stance ready for a fight.

"This is" Castiel let out an annoyed breath. "Uriel" he shook his head knowing that this was going to go from bad to worse, "He's what you might call a specialist."

Uriel strode towards them almost arrogantly.

Castiel kept an eye on him trying in some way to restrain Uriel.

"What kind of a specialist?" Dean asked with heavy suspicion. Castiel didn't break away from his commanding look for a few seconds ensuring that Uriel wouldn't interrupt.

"You" he said glancing at Dean, "You need to leave this town immediately." He glanced between the two.

"Why?" Dean asked forcefully.

"Because we're about to destroy it."

He cheered inwardly when Dean looked at him with disgust and exchanged a look with Sam who looked utterly disbelieving.

Castiel bowed his head slightly, praying...

"What? So this is your plan? You're gonna smite the whole frigging town."

"We're out of time" Castiel replied, "This witch has to die, the seal must be saved." He looked at Dean.

"There are a thousand people here_"

"One thousand, two hundred and fourteen." Uriel corrected gently.

Sam's face screwed up, "And you're willing to kill them all?" he asked.

"This isn't the first time I have purified a city" Uriel replied, his deep voice low and calm.

"Look" Castiel said turning back to Dean, "I understand this is regrettable_"

"Regrettable?" Dean asked nodding, his face clearly condemning.

"We have to hold the line" Castiel insisted "Too many seals have broken already."

"So you screw the pooch on some seals and now this town has to pay the price?" Dean asked utterly revolted by the idea.

Castiel pushed back, "It's the lives of one thousand against the lines of six billion. There's a bigger picture here."

"Right, cause your bigger picture kinda guys" Dean said as if that was the worst thing you could be. His eyes were shadowed. Castiel felt a little shock at remembering that the last time he had said those words to Dean he had threatened to return him to hell.

But he had to push.

"Lucifer cannot rise" he said stepping into Dean's personal space deliberately, almost curious to see if Dean would rise or fall from this. "If he does then hell rises with him. Is that something that you're willing to risk?"

There it was. They had to know, would Dean's own fear get in the way should it come to the very worst?

Dean started to reply. In the background Sam broke in, his voice quick. "We'll stop the witch before she summons anyone, your seal wont be broken and no-one has to die."

It was the answer that he was hoping for but it wasn't from Dean. Castiel wouldn't break his soul searing gaze and he could see Dean getting more and more uncomfortable.

But he didn't say a word, simply looked relieved that someone else had made the decision.

"We're wasting time with these mud monkeys" Uriel said as if Sam hadn't spoken.

"I'm sorry" Castiel said moving away from Dean with disappointment. "But we have our orders".

"No you can't do this you...your angels, I mean aren't you supposed...your supposed to show mercy" Sam stuttered looking as if he had lost something in this conversation.

Castiel watched Dean as Uriel laughed at Sam. Dean looked between them all, but not once did it seem to occur to him to tell them to do anything different.

"Say's who" Uriel taunted Sam

Castiel looked at Dean and tried his last gamble. "We have no choice"

Dean's eyes flickered between them. "Of course you have a choice. I mean come on you've never questioned a crap order? Huh? You're both just a couple of hammers."

How was it that this man could argue against something without actually saying the exact words he wanted to say. The phrase "Dont do this" surely was in his vocabulary.

It wasn't enough. And it was annoying.

"Look even if you cant understand it" Castiel said not looking at Dean, "Have faith the plan is just" He turned.

"How can you even say that?" Sam questioned.

"Because it comes from heaven. That makes it just"

He felt like he was giving Dean a gold plated invitation that his charge was simply not accepting. Or not getting.

"You know it must be nice" Castiel whipped his head to Dean, "To be so sure of yourselves" Castiel looked heavenwards in frustration.

"Tell me something Dean. When your father gave you an order, didn't you obey?"

It was a low blow and one that he shot out as his hope diminished. Today was not the day that Dean would step up and become a leader not a follower.

Dean pulled back slightly in determination. Castiel prepared himself for the inevitable pointless argument.

"Well sorry boy's looks like the plans have changed"

Castiel felt shock run through him. He wasn't ordering or asking but defying them? He narrowed his eyes in hope as Dean stood there as calmly as if he had simply announced the weather. He tilted his head trying to understand what it was that went on in that fascinating head.

"You think you can stop us?"

Dean turned to Uriel and walked towards him. "No" he said simply. Castiel continued to watch him as Dean just as simply announced "But if you smite this whole town your gonna have to smite us with it because we are not leaving." He stood face to face with Uriel and didn't flinch. Castiel couldn't take his eyes of off him as Dean turned to glance in his direction. "And seeming as you went to all the trouble of busting me out of hell, I figure i'm worth something to the man upstairs."

Uriel watched him as well but with less...wonder.

"You wanna waste me?" Dean asked Uriel, "Go ahead. See how he digs that."

It was a strange sensation having suddenly witnessed all your prayers answered. Dean not only standing up to them but facing his fear. Dean clearly feared he would be taken back to hell, Castiel himself had planted that seed of doubt in his mind, and yet he stood there for perfect strangers and gambled his immortal soul for them.

It was like watching...

A righteous man he supposed.

And it was good and right and wonderful.

Uriel glared, "I will drag you out of here myself" he promised.

"Yeah but then you'd have to kill me, and we're back to the same problem" Dean said calmly and with utter conviction. "I mean come on. You're gonna wipe out a whole town, for one little witch? Sounds to me like you're compensating for something"

Castiel was broken from his gaze as his wondrous sight suddenly became human and very much Dean again. The quip was not really necessary he thought with a sigh as Uriel glared daggers at the man in front of him. Dean broke the staring competition by turning away from Uriel as if he was utterly insignificant.

"We can do this" he said with absolute certainty to Castiel. "We will stop that witch and we will stop the summoning."

It was not a request.

Finally.

"Castiel, do not let these_"

"Enough" Castiel ordered watching Dean to see if the man had realised what he had just done. He doubted it but it would have to do.

"I suggest you move quickly" Castiel said in a tone that brooked no discussion.

Dean nodded and turned grabbing his brothers arm as he went.

"Come on Sam" he said in a rough voice. He didn't even look back as he slammed out of the motel room.

"You did not need to accept that_ " Uriel begun.

"But it was an order Uriel" Castiel said staring at the door. "Even if it was an unknowing one."

Uriel shook his head in annoyance. "He didn't even ask_" he growled, voice rising.

"Dean does not ask" Castiel said turning to Uriel.

"He cannot hope to accomplish this without our assistance."

Castiel sighed, "If he needs our help the seal will already be lost. Be at peace Uriel, they may yet succeed.

Uriel shook his head, "I have no faith in that happening" he sneered and left.

Castiel sighed and glanced about him. Gently he touched a jacket of Deans that was draped hazardously.

Stupid human. Willing to risk eternal damnation but not rejection when asking for help.

But it warmed Castiel somewhat to know that when truly desperate and unable to deter himself Dean had asked for help. Once. One day it might happen again. With a sigh he focussed in on Dean, knowing that he and his brother remained just outside of the hotel. With any luck they may say where they were going, allow Castiel to follow them as closely as he possibly could.

"_Just because there are a few bad apples doesn't mean the whole barrel is rotten" _he heard Dean say from outside._ "I mean for all we know, God hates these jerks."_

Castiel pulled away from the conversation, disliking the slight feeling that clenched inside of him at hearing that. It was a pointless thought anyway, neither he nor Uriel nor anyone other Angel could break the witches concealing spell at the moment. She was certainly powerful.

He turned to face the window and stared at the sight that Uriel had sneered at. Outside, in the distance so that he could only just see it was a playground. Without thought Castiel was there watching the small children shriek with laughter and simply play.

There was a young boy on the climbing frame with an easy smile and freckles. Castiel had never, in all of his observations of Dean's life seen him play with such ease. He knew that times at a playground like this had been few and far between.

He still didn't understand how he could feel anger and pity at the same time for the same person.

"Your thoughts will get you into trouble again Castiel"

Uriel had appeared at the bench beside him, he sat utterly rigid and uninterested in the sight before him..

Castiel opened his mouth, thinking his words over carefully, "How do you remain unaffected?" he asked curious.

Uriel gave him a long look. "I do not spend as much time around these creatures. I am not linked with one" he glanced around. "You have a difficult task with him"

Castiel took a deep breath, "To make him trust us I have to understand him. The more I begin to understand him the less able I am to protect him." He reigned in his frustration. "I do not know which order is more important in His eyes."

Uriel looked away, "I do not know how you manage it. Even now I dislike being at this humans whim." he said with a sneer.

Castiel remained standing. "The decision's being made" he announced unsure what it was that he wanted Uriel to say.

Uriel let out a humourless laugh, "By a but monkey"

Castiel winced at the old name. "You shouldn't call them that" he said looking away, keeping himself still.

"Well, that's what they are." Uriel's voice was almost too light. "Savages, just plumbing on two legs."

Castiel restrained whatever emotion it was that rose up at that. "Your close to blasphemy" he said looking down again.

Uriel looked away with a long sigh, Uriel had little concept of the way that individual humans worked. On the whole yes, Uriel knew a great deal about humanity.

Sadly it was often the masses that did the worst things.

But Castiel, for all his emotional upheaval at dealing with Dean had seen something. It was hard to put a finger on it, and heaven above knew that Dean did his almighty best to avoid it being seen but there was the occasional glance at something...something more.

"There's a reason that we were sent to save him. He has potential, he may succeed here."

Uriel didn't reply and Castiel let out a breath as he took a seat on the bench. He disliked how hopeful his voice sounded. He didn't need hope.

He had faith.

"At any rate." he added placing his chin on his fist. "It's out of our hands."

He looked down, wondering where Dean was now.

"It doesn't have to be."

Castiel didn't react. "And what would you suggest?" he asked.

"That we drag Dean Winchester out of here. And we blow this insignificant pinprick off the map."

Something in that statement was rather tempting. He disliked placing Dean in harms way, especially when it was because he himself couldn't deal with it due to some signs or some spell. Dean was meant to be his charge, was meant to be kept safe.

Was meant to be as far away from death and harm and danger as possible, with Castiel standing in the way.

"You know our true orders" Castiel said turning his head to Uriel. "Are you prepared to disobey?"

Uriel looked furious. "I would ask you the same question" he shot back and disappeared.

Castiel sat and watched the children knowing that there was nothing else he really could do. No matter what happened tonight Dean and Sam were alone.

They failed. They stopped Samhain, or rather Sam ignored their warnings. Why did neither of these humans realise that something just simply were not their fight. Sometimes they needed to step back and call for help.

Uriel had gone to speak with Sam. Strategically and logically it was the best plan. Castiel needed to remain something of an ally. Uriel did not. Still it was unlikely that the conversation between the two would go well. Uriel seemed to take it personally that the seal had been broken.

It was rather surprising that Castiel found Dean upon a park bench. It was even more surprising to him when Dean sensed his presence before he even spoke.

"Let me guess," Dean said turning his head around to Castiel, "You're here for the "I told you so""

Castiel remained silent, wondering why it was that this human consistently thought the worst of him. Though perhaps in this instance it was understandable. It needed to be rectified.

"No" Castiel said simply.

"Well good, cause I'm really not that interested." he said looking away. But there was a hint of self deprecation there. As if Dean thought he might deserve it.

"I am not here to judge you Dean"Castiel said calmly.

"Then why are you here?" Dean asked, as ever straight to the point.

Castiel looked back. The little boy that had reminded him of Dean wasn't at the playground today.

"Our orders_"

"Yeah you know i've had about enough of these orders of yours."

"Our orders" Castiel repeated, determined to make Dean hear this. "Were not to stop the summoning of Samhain, they were to do whatever you told us to." He turned his head back to Dean as he said it, watching his charge's reaction.

Dean looked a little shell shocked as he leant forward. "Your orders were to follow my orders?" His voice filled with distrust.

Castiel nodded, part of him wondering of he was being too honest. "It was test" he took a deep breath, "To see how you would perform in..." he struggled for the term. "Battlefield conditions you might say." He looked away uncomfortable with the idea of Dean in a battlefield.

He could feel Dean watching him"It was a witch" Dean said with a light and calming tone, "Not the tad offensive"

Castiel felt a small almost soundless chuckle pass his lips. He looked down feeling a little more relaxed than he had in weeks. Even if another seal had been broken.

"So I failed your test huh? I get it" Dean looked out at the playground, seemingly looking for the words. "But you know what? If you were to wave that...that magic time travelling wand of yours and we had to do it all over again I'd make the same call. " He leant forward and Castiel almost found himself nodding, "Cause see I don't know what's gonna happen when these seals are broken. Hell I dunno what's gonna happen tomorrow. What I do know is that this, here, these kids, the swings, the tree's, all of it is still here because of my brother and me."

It was there again. That thing that he couldn't quite yet manage to see. Dean's passion for this, his strength and conviction they were like a spark flickering in a dark room. It was almost about to become a flame.

Castiel watched his human desperately unsure.

_For all we know God hates these jerks_

It had hurt he could now admit to know that Dean disliked him. Perhaps it had been unsurprising but it had hurt.

If only because part of him admired this rough, headstrong, pig-stubborn man.

"You misunderstand me Dean. I'm not like you think. I was praying that you'd choose to save the town."

"You were?" Dean said in a tone of voice that clearly said the opposite to his words.

"These people, they're all my fathers creation. they're works of art and yet even though you stopped Samhain the seal was broken and we are one step closer to hell on earth for all creation. And that's not an expression Dean. It's literal. You of all people should appreciate what that means."

Dean's face that had been regarding him with some curiosity suddenly went blank yet angry. His eyes lost somewhere else. Castiel couldn't tell if his charge was angry at having it brought up or whether his experiences the previous night had laid him more vulnerable to the memories that were clearly haunting him.

And suddenly Castiel had a sudden need to stop whatever it was that was going on in Dean's head. To save him once again. To let him know that the fear wasn't his alone.

"Can I tell you something" he heard his vessel's voice say. "If you promise not to tell another living soul?"

Dean leant forward, "Ok" he said seemingly eager for any kind of distraction.

"I'm not ahh... a hammer as you say. I have questions, I have doubts." Castiel looked down finding it hard to believe that this was even leaving his mouth. There was a fine line between gaining Dean's trust and blasphemy it seemed. " I don't know what is right or what is wrong any more. Whether you passed or failed tonight." He looked at Dean "But in the coming months you will have more decisions to make. I don't envy the weight that's on your shoulders Dean. I truly don't."

He caught Dean's gaze and held it a long while. The pair of them seeming to share for once the feeling of being utterly lost in this world.

It was only when Dean looked away that Castiel manage to leave.

xxx

Dean was outside of the hotel, a beer in one hand and a string full of curses dripping from his mouth. Clearly it was not his first beer. And he was shouting for him.

Castiel appeared after half an hour of ridiculous insults and more blaspheming than could possibly be excused.

"You...you and your fucking little pals" Dean yelled the second that Castiel appeared. "Can't keep your holy mouths shut can you?"

Castiel took a deep breath, "Dean_" he began.

"No" Dean half laughed as he backed away, "No. I thought..." he shook his head, "Well apparently i'm an idiot." He stood still and rather far away from Castiel. "Here's the thing." he took another gulp of the disgusting liquid. "I never wanted you poking in my head. You stay the hell out of it from now on. You understand me?"

Castiel eyed him warily, almost cursing himself when he took a step forward and Dean took one back. "Dean what are you talking about?"

"You. And you're little pal Uriel. Must be a big cosmic fucking joke right?"

Watching the bottle tip and empty itself down his charges throat again Castiel flexed his fingers half wondering if it would be worth removing the bottle from Deans grasp.

"I mean, I figured that you'd keep your trap shut. Gone on so long that it was almost ok that you knew." Dean let out another harsh laugh. "See I really am dumb."

Castiel grabbed the bottle from Dean before his charge could even react and threw the contents on the ground. "I do not know what it is you are trying to tell me." He said standing right in front of the human and almost recoiling at the smell of stale drink.

Dean's green eyes searched his, almost pleading for something. He let out a breath and closed his eyes.

"Dean?" Castiel tried again.

The human opened his eyes but looked past him up the road beyond.

"Uriel told Sam that I remembered."

Castiel closed his own eyes and tried to take in a deep breath to calm himself.

"He should not have done that." he managed to get out while attempting to control himself.

He felt Dean's livid gaze.

"No shit Sherlock." Dean hissed.

Castiel took a step back and regarded his charge who looked back at him with anger. A few days ago he had been marvelling at Dean's defiance and certainty. Now it was like looking at another man.

"What did you tell Sam?" he asked.

Dean shook his head furiously. "I don't want him knowing." he choked out.

Castiel watched Dean's gaze catch almost longingly on the empty bottle on the ground. "Where is Sam?"

Dean shook his head, "Geek bro's at the library mounting up for the new job. You think I'd get like this around him?" He asked voice heavy.

Castiel glanced at the motel behind. "You need to get in and sleep this off Dean. Before Sam returns."

"No." Dean yelled, "No, not until I have your word that you and whoever else you chat with won't tell him."

"Dean_"

"Swear it" his charge almost screamed.

Castiel closed his eyes to the sight in front of him. "Uriel should not have told him. And I did not tell him."

Dean's suspicious gaze met him when he opened his eyes once more. Unfortunately nothing had changed. Dean was still drunk and falling apart.

"We should get you inside" Castiel begun.

"We?" Dean questioned, "Whose this we? Cause I aint going anywhere with those pals of yours Cas."

He ignored the nickname. "It is just me Dean." he soothed, "it was merely an expression."

Dean nodded wearily and looked about. "It's gonna get better right?" he asked suddenly with sheer desperation.

Castiel grabbed the human and propelled him up the steps to the room that he knew Dean was staying in. The door opened for him without a key and he marched his charge in almost tossing him onto the bed.

"Dude, your bedside manner is crap."

Castiel stood watching Dean curl up slightly even whilst annoying him. "Do you want water?" he asked having seen Dean ask his father the very same question in the years he's watched.

Dean rolled over and laughed. "Just go" he said sounding tired.

"No" Castiel said calmly as he looked for a glass.

He heard Dean sit up behind him. "No? You have to obey me you glorified pigeon." Then there was a fit of giggling.

Castiel ran the water and stepped over to his charge. "That was one time only Dean. It is unlikely to happen again."

Dean smirked at him. "So I did fail then." He laughed again though this time it was more depressing in tone. "So did you too I guess"

Castiel placed the water on the bedside table and frowned once again at the strong smell of alcohol that seemed to reek off the human. "Perhaps it would be wise for you to bathe."

Dean looked at him incredulously. Castiel allowed his gaze to wander to the bathroom.

"Or shower." he added drawing from both Dean and his vessel's memories.

Dean let his head collapse back on the pillow. "Get lost." he said without any real force.

"That would be idiotic" Castiel replied with a frown. "If you will not wash then you should at least remove these" he gestured to Dean's dirty shoes. "And probably your jacket too."

Dean glared at him but managed to raise himself from the bed. Castiel watched as Dean took far more time than was strictly necessary to remove shoes and jackets. Why he had drunk himself into this state Castiel would never know. It seemed to serve no real purpose.

He frowned as Dean managed to peel off his jacket. He leant forward and stilled Dean's movements as he spotted a spreading bruise.

"Dude what are you doin?" Dean asked his voice slurring.

Castiel removed the jacket his mood dropping even further as he did. "What are these?" he asked looking at the various cuts and bruises.

Dean looked at his arm as if it was a foreign object.

"Side affects of the job" he muttered.

Castiel gripped his chin harder than he perhaps should have. "You're lying." he gestured at the marks, "These are new."

Dean swayed and Castiel was forced to support him further.

"Dean" Castiel asked again.

His charge grinned a wolfish grin. "What? We needed money and I needed to feel..." Dean shook his head and wrenched himself out of Castiel's grip. "Just fuck off"

Castiel walked away to the kitchen area and ran the tap again. When he returned to Dean his charge was almost asleep.

Gently he cleaned the wounds on Dean's arms. It looked like he had been caught a few times with a sharp object. The scratched were hazardously deep.

"What did this?" he asked as he wiped.

There was a stony silence. But then just when he was convinced that Dean wouldn't answer.

"A bottle. The bastard grabbed one and smashed it."

Castiel glanced at Dean's face. "Not on you I hope."

A hint of a smile tugged at Dean's lips. "No just used on me."

"You got into a fight?"

Dean yawned. "Fighting ring" he said simply. "Get both pay and the shit kicked out of you, perfect really." He cracked an eye open. "Dude was chuffed when I offered to throw the fight for a price"

Castiel raised his eyes to his charge feeling some horror rise inside of him. "You chose this?"

Dean didn't reply but his mouth twisted into some strange smile.

Castiel let out a deep breath. "I cannot heal you unless it was in the line of preventing the apocalypse. Certainly I cannot do it if it is not life threatening."

Dean shrugged and then winced as the movement caused him pain. "Whatever. It's not like I haven't dealt with worse."

Castiel frowned as he eased a small shard out of Dean's triceps. "How much do you remember?" he asked quietly.

Under his fingers Dean stiffened up. "Too much" he whispered. He let out a sharp breath, "Can you take that away?"

"No" Castiel replied and he bandaged up the arm. "But if I could I would."

Dean nodded and squeezed his eyes shut. "Do you remember it? Hell?"

Curious at this sudden turn Castiel sighed. "Yes."

"What..." Dean cut himself off obviously not ready to ask whatever question plagued him. "Thanks Cas". He said quietly after a while.

Castiel looked up sharply at his charge and was rewarded only with a snore. His hands steady he set to work on healing his charge the best he could.

The hangover he would not help with.

Xxxx

He waited until Dean was alone again after dropping Sam off at a Chinese restaurant in order to get some more information on the hunt.

"Feeling better Dean?"

His charge simply glared at him from his place behind the wheel. "My head is killing me" he muttered wincing at the blaring sun as they rounded a corner. "You ever tried faking not having a hangover?"

Castiel raised an eyebrow at him.

"Guess not" Dean amended. "What you doin' here Cas?"

Castiel pressed his lips together, "Why do you insist on using that name?"

Dean turned to him keeping one hand on the wheel with perfect ease, hungover as he was. "Why? Does it bother you?"

Castiel won the slight staring competition but only he begrudgingly admitted, because Dean had to glance at the road.

"It does not bother me" Castiel begun.

"Great, then you shouldn't have a problem with me using it. _Cas_"

Castiel took a deep calming breath and decided that perhaps humouring Dean on this would work best. "Have you talked with Sam?"

All of Dean's playfulness vanished instantly. "I'm not talkin' about this" he said turning his body and attention back to the road.

"Dean, I understand that you do not wish Sam to know. Your reasons are born of fear but that doesn't make them less real to you" he paused trying to decide how best to say this to Dean.

Dean gave him a look that probably stopped half the creatures he hunted in their tracks.

"I agree that it should be your choice" Castiel continued. He saw Dean's forehead crease up with confusion.

"Then why are you here?" Dean asked his grip easing up on the wheel ever so slightly.

"Because Dean in your profession there will be others, Angels, Demons, Creatures of the Dark who will know. And I cannot keep all of them silent."

Dean shot him an almost scared look and clenched his jaw. "How would they know what I remember?" he challenged.

Castiel shook his head, "It is unlikely that they would. But you were not alone in hell Dean. There will have been those who saw you, seers who were drawn to your actions simply because of what happens next. They will know...what happened" he shook his head. "Uriel was wrong to tell Sam but he could have told him a lot more."

Dean flexed his hands taking a deep breath. "You said" he swallowed, "That you hadn't told Uriel."

The unasked question was left hanging.

"Dean I did not battle alone when I rescued you from damnation"

Dean sucked in his breath so hard that Castiel worried he would loose control of the car.

"He saw?" Dean asked with a shaking voice.

"No. Only I went that far in to retrieve you. But he heard others screaming, demons boasting." Castiel shook his head. "It is not shame that you should feel Dean."

Dean didn't even respond to that. "So you're saying I should tell Sammy before something else does?"

Castiel nodded, "I doubt that you will encounter anything that knows on this hunt. You have a while to make your decision."

Dean nodded and simply seemed to focus on driving.

"You are far beyond the town limits." Castiel observed as he watched the landscape.

Dean smiled a little. "Driving makes me feel..." he shook his head with an almost humorous expression on his face, "More like me I guess."

Castiel nodded, "You should put your music on." he commented.

Dean laughed, "I don't think anyone has ever said that to me!" he said looking so much younger than he had a minute ago.

Castiel watched the world fly by as Dean pressed his foot down. "It will be more like you." he said gently.

A few seconds later something loud and old and heavy was blaring through the speakers.

"You going?" Dean asked, his voice light.

"Do you wish me to leave?" Castiel asked.

Dean shrugged with a rueful grin, "Nah you can stay. Get a decent education in music."

Castiel let a small smile cross his face as the windows went down and allowed himself relax. As Dean focused on the road and his shoulders begun to ease Castiel couldn't help the small smile that started to appear on his face.

xxxx

Love it? Hate it? Any tips or pointers are welcome :) I am roughly a chapter and a half ahead so fingers crossed that ch 6 continues to flow.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

_Thank you so much to all who reviewed and helped me with the last chapter. I will reply after posting this. I did mean to get this up a bit earlier but real life drama got in the way! And it is my one aim in life to find a beta this week as my grammar needs some cleaning up. I have tried to go over the previous chapters as best i can._

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New orders came. Orders that Dean Winchester was becoming far too relaxed with the Angels. Orders not to break his trust but to break his arrogance when dealing with them.

Apparently his superiors disliked that Dean used the fact that God had a plan for him to disobey. He needed to be taught that it was not to continue.

And so Castiel stayed away from Dean. Even when his charge felt the unbearable ache of the world after telling Sam the he remembered hell and refused to say much more than that.

He would not risk being the one that had to harm Dean.

It happened that a new and more immediate task needed his attention. Anna, who had fallen years ago was aware of Angels. It appeared that the demons were eager to get a hold of her.

He had thought it would be harder to track down a former colleague. That the idea of killing Anna would be difficult and confusing. It really wasn't. The relief that it distracted his superiors from their dislike of Dean was.

Finding her was problematic. As far as tracking her was concerned she was an ordinary girl in an ordinary body. It was like finding a needle in a pile of needles. But the demons, they knew something, knew how to find her.

They would not get her first.

They got to the mental health ward after many others. From the looks of things Castiel and Uriel were far behind on her trail but it wasn't too much of a concern. Demons were easy to deal with on this scale.

When he felt pain from Dean he simply ignored it. It was not life threatening and Dean had proved on numerous occasions that he was fully capable of taking care of himself.

Then Dean's fear spiked and one single word bled through.

Alastair.

"What is it?" Uriel demanded impatiently starting down at the two dead bodies, killed because Anna chose them to be her parents. Around his neck hung a glowing blue shard. Castiel had not wished to carry it.

"Dean" he relied looking towards the doorway. "Alastair has risen."

"Who?" Uriel asked sounding like he couldn't care less what the answer was.

"The demon who tortured Dean." Castiel said, his hands curling slightly in frustration.

There was a flicker of sympathy in Uriel's eyes. "You cannot go." he reminded him, his voice softer than normal. Castiel opened his mouth almost about to question that change in attitude in Uriel. He supposed that all knew there was a link between charge and Angel no matter what and that they all appreciated his difficult position.

Appreciated but didn't understand. Couldn't.

Castiel nodded, "I know. He calls without knowing." he made it sound as if he was dismissing the topic, as if it held no more interest for him. He looked back at the two bodies. "Have you found anything to suggest where she could have gone?"

Uriel shook his head. "This is a dead end. She could be anywhere by now. For all we know she remembers_"

Castiel shook his head. "We do what we can." he replied picking up a picture and frowning at it. "Perhaps we should try the church." he said studying the faces.

Uriel laughed, "Why would she be in a church?" he asked, his tone almost mocking.

Castiel sighed and replaced the picture as he felt both pain and relief from Dean. Whatever had happened he was out of danger. "We have nowhere else to look." he pointed out.

Uriel huffed but nodded.

Xxx

The church was a mess. The stain glass windows were broken, there was blood on the floor and a lingering feeling that told him a demon had walked here.

Uriel sighed as he looked at the scene. "No respect." he said shaking his head.

Castiel knelt down by some fabrics at the side and dipped his hand in a spot of blood not sure what the sight of it annoyed him so. "There was a fight here." he turned to look at Uriel.

His brother nodded, "She's with a demon" he hissed looking around. "Filthy creatures."

Castiel stood up feeling the air rush around him at his speed. "Can you sense where?"

Uriel shook his head, "It's that stain that Sam Winchester whores with."

Castiel blinked looking around. "I shall find Dean. Perhaps he will know where she is."

Uriel shook his head, "We do not have time for the consequences of that." he snapped forcefully. "I can track her."

Castiel narrowed his eyes, "Consequences?"

Uriel didn't look at him. "Do you honestly think that Winchester would give us the information without his normal disrespectful attitude. We do not have time to follow orders where he is concerned."

Castiel looked out of the broken window feeling something like disappointment stir within him. Disappointment and something that felt dangerously akin to anger.

"Very well." he agreed.

xxxx

As they approached the cabin Castiel begun to feel what Uriel had. It was faint but there was something different about the girl. There was a demon in there also.

Uriel's wrath started to shake the building. Castiel gave him a sharp warning look and then marched ahead of him. Ready to do battle and end this.

The door flung open for him. As he saw who was there he managed to continue forward, knowing Uriel wasn't far behind. But he almost went numb with shock hoping that what he was in front of him wasn't true.

Not only was Sam's demon there but Sam and Dean stood by her. Gun's raised and determined expressions on their faces.

He saw Dean blink with shock. Clearly they had not expected them to arrive.

His charge's face was swollen and red, clearly the result of a heavy fight.

_The church._

He should have gone to him.

"Please tell you're here to help." Dean asked gruffly sounding a little pained. "We've been havin' Demon issue's all day."

Uriel stood beside him, frustration evident. Castiel stared at Dean wishing upon everything that Dean would not fight them on this. There had to be some hope that Dean would stop pushing the patience of Angels.

Castiel tore his gaze from Dean and glanced at his companions.

Anna was in the room behind. And suddenly he saw how it must seem to them. A helpless girl under attack from demons. He had to swallow out of fear of saying something far too Dean-like.

It was already a lost cause.

"I can see that." Uriel answered Dean. "Want to explain why you have that stain in the room?"

Dean actually looked a little stumped by that and turned to both Sam and the Demon as if looking for them to help him out with a reasonable explanation. It would have been almost comical if the circumstances weren't so serious.

"We're here for Anna" Castiel told him.

At first Dean seemed relieved and then his eyes narrowed. It seemed that Dean was starting to read Castiel as well. "Here for her like here for her?"

"Stop talking" Uriel snapped. "Give her to us." he ordered.

Castiel remained silent. He could see by the set of Dean's shoulders it wasn't going to happen.

"Are you gonna help her?" Sam asked.

He could lie. But despite what he knew would end up happening tonight there were some things he wouldn't do to Dean.

"No." he said, "She has to die."

Sam looked horrified, determined. It was gratifying to see that Dean looked thoughtful, confused.

He couldn't care what the demon thoughts were.

"You want Anna?" Sam seemed bewildered. "Why?"

Uriel stepped forward, his patience nearing it's end. "Move out of the way,"

"Whoa, whoa whoa ok? I knows she's wire tapped to your angel's chats or whatever, but that's no reason to gank her!" Dean almost seemed pleading.

"Don't worry." Uriel said leaning in a little to Dean. "I'll kill her gentle."

Castiel stood back as he saw Dean's temper fly a little at that. It was pathetic of him, especially knowing the difference between his and Uriel's techniques but some part of him could not bear the idea that it would be he who had to get Dean Winchester out of the way.

"You're some heartless sons of bitches you know that?" Dean sneered.

It really was pointless.

"As a matter if fact we are. And?" Castiel locked gazes with Dean and saw pure shock in his charge's face. The green eyes narrowed in confusion and Castiel nearly laughed as he realised that his annoyance at this situation had made him sound a lot like Dean.

"And? Anna's an innocent girl." Sam butted in.

Castiel sighed inwardly. How in heaven's name had the Winchester brothers managed to get themselves mixed up into this. He shook his head, "She is far from innocent."

Dean and Sam exchanged glances.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Sam asked.

"It mean she's worse than this abomination you've been screwing." Uriel said stepping forward and glancing at the demon who had the grace to look ashamed. "Now give us the girl."

Castiel looked down. He didn't need to watch the wordless discussion between Sam and Dean to know what they would decide.

"Sorry" Dean said, looking anything but, "Get your self another one. Try J Date."

"Whose gonna stop us?" Uriel asked getting even closer to the group. "This demon whore?" he asked grabbing her by the arm and throwing her into the window. Castiel watched the wall behind where Sam had stood before he'd rushed after his demon. Perhaps if he could get to Anna quickly and take her away then this would be avoided.

He looked up seeing Sam starting to go for Ruby and Dean beginning to step towards him, a questioning look in his eyes. Castiel looked at Sam instead and went for him, leaving Dean with no choice but to save the demon before Uriel did her some real damage.

She should not have been Dean's concern but as it was it made things easier.

He heard Dean struggle with Uriel and the sound of a punch being thrown that he doubted was Dean's. He didn't look. Sam backed away from him with a pleading look in his eyes.

"Cas stop. Please" Sam begun.

It took only the slightest touch to cause Sam to crash to the floor in unconsciousness. He still didn't look behind him. Uriel was following orders and there was nothing he could do but change the priority.

He reached out and touched the door. As he did he felt something akin to electricity flash through his skin. There was a blinding flash and he found himself repelled.

Hard.

xxxxxxxxxxx

There was nothing that could be done. Even if the orders previous hadn't been to wipe the cocky grin of Dean's face he was still in between the army of Heaven and a rogue Angel who knew far too much. And what troubled him wasn't the empty threat that had been sent to Anna but rather the fact that Uriel was told to speak to Dean rather than him.

He couldn't work out which one that they were punishing.

Uriel appeared later with a satisfied smile on his face.

"Your little monkey is easy to push." he said looking pleased.

Castiel closed his eyes to the view below. "I take it that the talk went well."

Uriel stepped up next to him and looked at the fields below. "You he trusts, me he fears." he looked at Castiel. "You understand why it must be done this way."

Castiel opened his eyes and nodded, "One to keep him faithful and one to keep him in line" he said with a slight hint of bitterness.

"Exactly." Uriel remained silent a while. "I could not do as you do." he added. "The connection." he asked curiously. "Do you ever wish you could end it?"

Castiel didn't even look at him. "It is God's will" he answered glad to have a solid reply that would invite no further questioning.

Uriel fell silent again for a shirt time. "He asked for you."

Castiel really didn't wish to hear it. "How did you manage to convince him?" he asked.

"Your human is stronger than I believed. Stood there ready for me to throw him back. I can't decide if it was stupidity or bravery."

Knowing Dean it was likely both. Or simply reckless playing by ear.

"Still, threatening little brother seemed to work perfectly."

Castiel turned to look at Uriel at that. "How did he respond?"

Uriel smiled, "He stood with his arms open for me to take him to hell but cowered like a dog when I suggested Sam Winchester had outlived his usefulness."

Castiel turned back to the scene below him.

"Interesting." he said carefully. "He didn't fight you at all?"

He could feel Uriel's satisfaction. "He breaks easily."

Castiel stood knowing what he should say. But he couldn't quiet bring himself to tell Uriel that Dean would have never broken that easily. He would have cursed and stood his ground and attempted to kill the person who threatened his brother, angel or no.

Dean was lying. Suddenly not being the one sent to him seemed like, well, a godsend.

xxxxx

When they entered the old building Anna, Dean and Sam all stood. Anna slightly behind the two men.

"Hello Anna" he said calmly watching the person that had caused all this mess.

"How?" Sam asked, "How did you find us?"

The boy was a good liar. He let his gaze flicker to Dean who looked overwhelmed by guilt. If he hadn't known before he would have been convinced now.

The play acting between them was annoying to watch. He lowered his gaze to the floor not really liking the lies.

"...I know how their minds work."

His lifted his gaze to Anna's brown eyes. It was if she was talking about those from hell. He watched as Anna turned and slowly pressed her lips to Dean's.

He felt...something that he couldn't name. Jealousy perhaps but that was odd. Jealousy perhaps that Dean had trusted her over him. Anger that Anna touched his charge. In this Anna had taken advantage and it was wrong. Not that Dean was anything close to innocent in the relations between men and women, Castiel was not that blind, but Dean had no idea what he was getting into with this. It could never end well. An angel and a human was sheer idiocy, something not even to be contemplated.

He didn't really wish to examine his feelings in this matter.

"Ok," Anna stepped away, "No more tricks, no more running. I'm ready."

Castiel watched her as she stepped forward, "I am sorry" he said, not too sure why he even said it.

"No you're not. Not really. You don't know the feeling."

She had no idea.

"Still we have a history it's just_"

"Orders are orders. I know. Just make it quick"

Castiel stared at her. Either their plan was going wrong or they had no need for him to stall for time.

He glanced at Dean and saw him steel himself for something...

"Don't you touch a hair on that poor girl's head." Alastair announced from behind the small group of humans. He and his demons stood with Sam's thing held in between them.

He couldn't decide if the plan was brilliant or so utterly stupid it would be better to kill Anna right now and risk Dean hating him forever.

Uriel stared in anger and stepped forward. Anna, Dean and Sam quickly rushed to the side, clearly eager to let heaven and hell fight it out.

"How dare you come into this room? Pussing sore."

"Name calling?" Alastair stepped forward and Castiel couldn't help but notice that Dean couldn't take his eyes off the demon. Was watching him as if expecting the demon to whirl on him any second. "That hurt my feelings you sanctimonious, fanatical prick."

Castiel looked away from Dean but was unable to block his charge's fear. He felt an overwhelming surge of fury at this demon who had broken his charge.

"Turn away and walk away now." his voice sounding even stronger than usual.

"Sure." Alastair said, "Just give us the girl. We'll make sure she gets punished good and proper."

Castiel narrowed his eyes, "You know who we are and what we will do." He walked forward to join Uriel. "I wont say it again. Leave. Now. Or we lay you to waste"

He was almost happy when Alistair hissed, "I think i'll take my chances."

He started for Alastair and Uriel went for the others. Castiel punched the demon hard, knowing it may disorientate him while he killed him. He would not risk a drawn out fight and that Alastair would go near Dean. It was almost worrying how much he wanted this demon dead.

He placed his palm on the bodies forehead and concentrated.

The power that he had felt drained and nothing happened. His eyes widened in horror.

"Sorry kiddo, why don't you go run to daddy?" Alastair threw Castiel's arms off of him and knocked him back onto the floor. The demon climbed onto him and grabbed his neck and started to chant the words that would kill this body and send him back to heaven.

Castiel stared up at Alastair hearing Uriel kill the demons behind. He tried to focus, to block out Dean, to forget his protective anger and concern. But Dean was behind him and it was nigh impossible to block Dean when he was this close.

All of a sudden there was the sound of metal hitting something hard and he was dropped to the floor. When he looked up with stunned relief he saw Dean standing over him and glancing at the metal pipe in his hands as if stunned that it had worked.

He lay there not moving trying to settle back into the body and trying to get himself back under control.

"Dean, Dean, Dean" Alastair begun. Out of the corner of his eye Castiel could see Dean backing away, expression defiant. "I am so disappointed. You had such promise."

Alastair reached out a hand causing the brothers to drop to the floor in agony. Castiel glanced over at Uriel who was far too focussed on killing his demons to even glance over. He sat up determined that if nothing else to distract Alastair for a moment or two from his assault on Dean and Sam. A flashing white light caught his eye. Anna had clearly retaken her grace and Uriel stood looking torn between fury and intrigue.

He couldn't help but take some satisfaction in Alastair's stunned look as Anna screamed for the humans to shut their eyes.

Xxxxxxxx

Uriel stood looking at him with a hopeful expression.

"So?"

Castiel glanced around at their surroundings, the woods were rather lovely at this time of year. "I prayed on it."

"And?" Uriel asked

"We are not to touch Sam Winchester."

"Why?" Uriel asked sounding far too calm for him.

"When have they ever told me why?" Castiel replied and then dug his hands in his pockets. Dean really was rubbing off on him.

"But he has that depravity in his blood!" Uriel snarled, his disgust seemingly too much for him to take. "I suspect that he was the one showing up when the demon did, right when they did." he said stopping and waggling a finger at Castiel.

Castiel stopped with him. It was strangely reminiscent of having an argument with Dean, except that Uriel should, did know better.

"What would you like me to say?"

"I gave an ultimatum my word, Anna's life or Sam's. And Anna still lives!"

"Would you like to protest?" Castiel asked, feeling happier than he should at the reversal between the two and Uriel's frustration with higher orders. "Please, by all means" he said staring at Uriel.

Uriel stared back at him for a second and seemed to back down slightly. "Well, at least i'll go kill that demon whore Ruby"

Castiel watched him go and glanced up in silent askance. The reply amused him a little if only because he could see how happy Uriel would be with the knowledge. He stopped and waited for Uriel, in all his blundering rage to notice.

He turned and looked with the question in his eyes.

Castiel didn't look at him, feeling remarkably pleased with how all of this was turning out. "Hands of her too."

"You're joking!" Uriel accused him.

"I don't joke" Castiel dead panned.

"We can't hunt a demon? What's going on up there?" Uriel demanded.

Castiel glanced up, "Clearly they feel she has a part to play." Personally he agreed with Uriel but to harm Ruby may cause friction between the brothers, perhaps that was what they feared, that it would prevent Dean from keeping Sam away from his demonic nature.

"You...its crap...you...forget about it." Uriel was nearly beside himself with rage.

"You are proposing disobedience like Anna?" Castiel asked walking up to him a little concerned as to how much anger Uriel was displaying. How was it that Uriel could feel so much negative emotion and still fight so well while he, linked to Dean, a righteous man faltered. "You know what i'll have to do."

They looked at each other, both knowing that despite their friendship, despite their brotherhood, if the orders came they would have to obey. It was the burden of being an Angel and having that much trust and faith.

He watched Uriel who seemed to calm a little but who looked at him with something a little like betrayal. He walked around Castiel, back in the direction of the cabin where they had left the humans.

"Where are you going?" he asked

"I'm going to go kill...something!" Uriel said behind him and he could hear his brother walking off into the distance..

Castiel glanced up at the heavens knowing he should let Uriel go and calm himself. Besides the orders had been dropped where Dean was concerned. It was safe to return to him.

Xxx

That night he visited Dean. Dean who was twisting in the bed in desperation, body soaked in sweat and mouth pressed together to prevent screams from escaping. He looked at Sam who was fast asleep and decided that perhaps it would be best to keep this between him and Dean.

He pulled Dean out of the nightmare and into what looked like an empty version of the motel room that they were both currently in. Dean looked around wildly before his gaze fell on Castiel.

The green eyes showed none of the fondness and trust that may have been there previously. Instead they were shadowed and waiting.

"Come to ground me?" Dean asked his voice lashing out in accusation.

"No." he said sitting in a chair in the corner that was conveniently placed in the dark to hide his face.

"Got some more of your orders? Cause you can shove them up your_"

"No"

He saw a frown crease Dean's forehead. "Then why are you here?"

Castiel let out a sigh and stared at his charge. "You need to be more careful Dean."

Dean let out a humourless laugh and sat on the bed. "How could I miss out asking if you were here for some cryptic warning." he shook his head. "I don't want to hear it."

Castiel watched him. "You need to."

Dean leant back and waved his hand in invitation. "Say it and then leave me the hell alone."

"There is some concern that you are becoming impossible to control. Therefore they are trying to find ways to ensure that you follow orders when it is necessary."

Dean blinked. "Should you be telling me this."

Castiel sighed, "Their way failed yesterday. Mine may not."

"So you're telling me that they want me to be an obedient puppy." Dean asked with some disbelief shifting uncomfortably.

"No. Free will is important. Occasionally though Dean they do need to have the final word."

"I don't agree with what happened. She could have been a normal girl had you all left her alone." Dean huffed looking away.

Castiel sighed, "But that was never going to happen. Sometimes the good of the many_"

"Yeah, yeah I know that crap." Dean scrubbed a hand over his eyes looking tired. Maybe he should have let him simply rest tonight.

Castiel leant back, "Can you understand that there does need to be a balance. That occasionally the good of many must come first? Had you have used the virgin in the prison last year then all would have been spared."

Dean flinched. "It was wrong_"

"She was a willing sacrifice Dean. You sacrificed yourself for your brother, your father for you. Sometimes you must let people make that sacrifice because it is an indication of free will."

Dean shook his head, "That had nothing to do with today." he let out a sigh, "But I get your point."

"And then you understand that sometimes you will have to bow to our decision. Often Dean we can see the consequences of our actions far further than you can."

"You agreed with me on Halloween." Dean pointed out.

Castiel nodded, "But not today."

Dean shook his head, "I'm not doing something just cause you say so." he spat out.

Castiel pulled back in frustration. "Then I will not do anything because you say so."

Dean stood up and paced, "You don't do anything that I say anyway."

"Trust and faith goes two ways Dean"

Dean let out an annoyed sounds. "I...I trust you more than most." he said after a while, stubbornly refusing to look at Castiel.

"But you have no faith."

A faint smile pulled at the edge of Dean's mouth, "Yeah well you pointed that out the first second you saw me." He flashed a grin as he dropped back down onto the bed.

Castiel watched his charge and frowned. "It troubles me that after all you have seen and now know that it hasn't improved."

Dean shrugged and they sat in silence.

"I do trust some people you know."

Castiel looked up with curiosity. Dean was studying the wall with far too much interest.

"I told Sam. Everything."

Castiel tilted his head to the side examining what was in front of him. "Your nightmares were worse than ever today."

Dean shrugged, "Didn't know they came in degree's"

"Why?" Castiel felt the question almost pulled from him. "Why did you tell him everything?"

Dean twisted a little, "Someone gave me some advice."

Castiel narrowed his eyes, "And you say that I am cryptic." He watched his charge feeling something rise within him. Dean looked almost pained with this conversation.

Dean winced, "Dude, please don't make me say it out loud.". He scrubbed a hand over his mouth and raised the hand outright as if warding Castiel away.

It was more than he'd expected. Castiel stood, "You need sleep Dean. I shall visit you another time."

Dean nodded. "You do realised that this is the first time you've said goodbye."

Castiel allowed himself a little smirk as he vanished.

_An_

_Chapter 6 will be set after 4x14. Hope you liked :)  
_


	6. Chapter 6

_Disclaimer: I own nothing that you recognise_

_Ok this is probably not the most sane idea ever but i'm not too sure about the last chapter so I am putting this one up as an apology, plus it's a little on the short side. I really hope you enjoy it!_

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He continued to keep and eye on Dean for the next few months. Popping up to help him with his nightmares and to simply sit with Dean sometimes. The feral children seemed to stir up more than Dean was comfortable remembering, or even thinking about.

It was after the siren that things with Dean begun to get...odd.

"Why are you out here?"

Dean whirled around and it was a bottle of some non alcoholic drink in his hands this time. Castiel was almost impressed.

His charge shrugged. "Wanted some alone time."

Castiel didn't move. "Yet you called me here?"

Dean let out a sigh of pure frustration, "Dude where do you get these ideas. I didn't call you."

"Subconsciously you did Dean."

Dean shook his head and looked away, "You have some really dumb ideas, you know that?". He took a deep swig of his drink and then shook his head, "Stupid Bobby" he muttered quietly glaring and the bottle.

"You had a difficult day."

Dean banged his head against the side of the wall. "You want me to stand here and share?"

Castiel watched him.

Dean let out a laugh and slid down to the floor, sitting with his legs bent, hands loosely resting on his legs and letting the bottle swing between his fingers almost in front of his face.

"You want some?" he asked seeing Castiel's gaze.

"No." Castiel stood opposite him and looked down. "You are troubled."

Dean shook his head, "You really want me to spill to you?"

"Yes" Castiel replied. It seemed almost a little to easy, especially where Dean and emotions were concerned.

"Do I look stupid?" Dean asked, his voice changing to the challenging almost cruel one he sometimes used. "What, you think i'm just gonna sit here and give you ammo for your bosses to use next time?"

Castiel almost froze at the tone, at the words. Something like what he imagined hurt to be ran through him. Hurt and despair because part of him knew it was true, only not quite as cruel as Dean made it out to be.

And it hurt so much more than Dean's earlier words because he had almost allowed himself to believe that they were...allies.

"Just go." Dean said as he banged his head hard against the wall and with such purpose Castiel almost wanted to demand that he get up.

"Dean_" he begun, not even too sure where to go from there.

Dean launched himself up off the floor and shoved him backwards. He was surprisingly quick for a mere human.

"Go." he snarled, "Just leave us alone. And don't worry, we're screwing each other up enough without your angelic assistance." When Castiel didn't move Dean drew back his hand as if to punch him.

Castiel grabbed Dean's hand and then his throat, hefting him back against the wall. Dean's eyes looked triumphant as if he had won something from this.

"What is the matter with you?" Castiel asked holding Dean in place but drawing back both physically and from the anger that threatened him.

"Just damn tired of you and your angel pals strutting around as if daddy gives a damn about you and what you do."

Catiell felt his fingers tighten around Dean's throat, felt something within shake furiously. Then he saw the look in Dean's eyes, the bitter smile forming.

He dropped his grip on Dean's throat.

"You are purposefully trying my patience."

"Come on." Dean said holding out his arms. "I must have pissed you off a thousand times by now. You must have wanted to teach me a lesson, at least once." He leant in. "Do it."

Castiel stared at his human. "I will not help you deal with your grief like this."

"Coward"

Castiel narrowed his eyes. Dean was especially adept at this. "Enough of this."

Dean let out a sneer and looked away. "Fine." he threw his bottle into a bin with ease and started to walk up the road.

Castiel stood still and concentrated a little. Dean vanished from the road. Almost instantly after there was a loud curse and the door to the motel flung open.

"You for real?" Dean demanded, "What you're gonna fling me back to my room every time I try to leave?" He sounded utterly livid.

"Dean" Castiel stepped close and caught sight of Sam behind him, looking as if he had just woken up and was utterly bewildered at the turn of events. "You remember our conversation after Anna and Alastair?"

A muscle in Dean's jaw twitched. "Yeah?" even that was said as a challenge. Behind him Sam walked forward, worry in his eyes.

He leant in and grabbed Dean by the scruff of the neck. Sam started and reached out. "Cas stop_" he begun.

Castiel didn't even blink as he threw Dean back into the room, watching as he almost smashed the table with his fall. Sam moved to stand in between them as a line of defence for his brother, his body determined, his expression looking frankly lost.

Castiel simply looked past him to Dean who was struggling to his feet.

"Consider yourself, what was it? Grounded."

He pulled back and glanced at Sam who looked torn between anger and the start of amusement.

"Do enjoy" he said to Sam and vanished.

Xxxx

He utterly ignored Dean now. There was cursing and demanding and yelling and threatening and all of it was far too frustrating to even think about being around. He would talk to Dean when he was calm enough to ask nicely.

He really wasn't that surprised when it took almost two weeks for that to happen.

When he re-appeared though it was not to Dean but to Sam who looked tired.

"Your brother is calmer?"

Sam who had been carrying a bag with which he could only assume had some form of hot food in it jumped and glared. "What are you doing here?"

Castiel glanced at the door to the motel.

Sam started shaking his head, "No. No way man, every time you show up Dean always ends up worse than he was. Stay away from us both." he went to shove past Castiel and open the door.

"Like your demon stays away from you?"

Sam paused on the steps and turned back. "What?"

"The demon you..."Castiel took a deep breath, "Fornicate with."

Sam let out a sneered smile and clicked his jaw, "You guys really are dicks. Who I spend my time with is none of your business. I'm not Dean_"

"I am aware of that."

Sam shook his head and rubbed his temple with his hands. "Don't go in."

"You want him to stay in that room forever?"

Sam clenched his teeth, "Then let him out before you go."

Castiel tilted his head, "I cannot do that until I have spoken with him. We have things we need to discuss."

Sam threw his hands up causing the bag in his hand to spin and sway. "Fine." he turned to the room.

"Alone."

Sam's shoulders drew in and he stared at the door for a long time causing Castiel to stare at his back. The lack of noise from Sam was off-putting and he almost found himself missing Dean's no-silence attitude.

"Here." Sam held out the bag to him turning slowly. "He needs to eat and drink."

Castiel took the bag and watched as Sam walked off and got into Dean's car.

Slowly he opened the door.

They would be charged for the mess. A mirror had obviously been shattered and its empty frame sat on top of a dresser that seemed to have been kicked. There was a hole in the wall that seemed to correspond with the bruising and cuts on Dean's right fist. The bin was full to the brim, the air smelled stale and unwashed.

Dean sat on the bed thumbing through a magazine of some sorts.

"Yo Sammy did you get the coke." he turned around and all of the relaxed posture drained from him leaving him rigid and angry. "Didn't know Angel's did take-outs." Dean sneered slamming the magazine down.

"Sam seemed to think that you would want this." Castiel said shaking the bag and feeling an unfamiliar feeling wash over him. He was uncomfortable and the body felt hot and awkward. He nearly glared at the ceiling when he realised what it was.

He was embarrassed.

Dean nodded as he stood up, "Yeah that's because he's not a prick." he snarled grabbing the bag and turning his back to Castiel.

"Your attitude_" Castiel begun.

"Was what? Disrespectful?" Dean asked sitting down and rummaging through the bag,

"Was self destructive."

Dean paused in opening the box of food and looked up. Castiel blinked as for a split second he saw...confusion in those eyes.

"So what." Dean said, looking down and lifting off the lid completely. He picked up a fork and started to stab at the food. "You want me to apologise?"

Castiel watched with equal fascination and disgust as Dean shovelled the food into his mouth. "I want you to cease this reckless disregard for your own safety and life."

Dean paused, the noodles hanging from his mouth. "I ain't reckless." he countered and then swallowed the mouthful. "And my job isn't exactly your normal nine to five."

Castiel sat down being careful not to sit in any of the mess that Dean had made. "But you agree that you have no regard for your own life?"

Dean groaned, "Dude you're like a dog with a bone. I don't want to die."

"You simply don't mind it."

Dean shoved himself away from the table, "I'm so damned bored of this, Of you coming down here and raining you holly judgement down on me." he pointed a finger at Castiel, "You want me to do whatever it is you need me to do then fine. But don't pretend like you give a damn about me or mine."

Castiel ignored the finger and stood up. "Why are you so determined to believe that I don't care?"

Dean shook his head, eyes unblinking voice low and dangerous as he glared with fury, "For the same reason that you Angel's wanted to burn a town to the ground. Cause you've got nothing to gain from not being dicks."

Castiel shook his head and stepped forward, his own anger rising, "You are ungrateful." he hissed. "My duty to you only extends to keeping you alive until we have a need of you. I do not have to show up and give you advice, nor listen to your problems, nor take away nightmares." he stepped forward again almost right up against Dean. "I told you that your brother needed to be stopped not because I was ordered to but because it would hurt you if we stepped in." Dean took a step back but Castiel pressed forward. "And all this you throw in my face because you are so broken you cannot bring yourself to trust properly."

Dean clenched his jaw and stared at him, the muscle to the side of his face twitching as he swallowed. Slowly he raised his head and stared Castiel in the eye.

"Give me one reason." he said tightly, "Just one, as to why I should trust you."

Castiel opened his mouth.

"And I don't want to hear about God or Demons or devils. I don't want that master plan crap. You give me one reason to trust _you_."

They stood in silence and slowly Castiel could feel his anger ebbing away as he watched Dean in front of him. Dean was half in Castiel's shadow and it created an odd effect of darkness and light on Dean's face. His eyes stood out more than usual and the look in them was...different.

Something in Castiel pulled in confusion at it.

"To continue my bond with you as Angel and Charge I limit my own powers."

Dean blinked and stepped back. Almost to the other side of the room back.

"Come again?" he asked.

Castiel took a deep breath and sighed. "I am bound to you. I can sense you, hear you, tell when you are in mortal peril. It is my task alone."

Dean continued to stare at him as if he was a fish who had just grown legs.

"But to do so I have to feel emotions, and it is getting stronger. This is, I believe, why I am getting weaker."

Dean eyes him up and down to the point where Castiel almost felt uncomfortable. He was almost ready to vanish when Dean broke the silence.

"You're loosing your mojo cause of me?"

Castiel almost felt like rolling his eyes, "If that is how you would like to phrase it."

Dean stepped forward uncertainly. "Anna said Angels couldn't feel."

Castiel sat down again and eyed the food that Dean had abandoned. "We feel muted responses normally. Typically the longer that we are with humans the more emotional we become. My bond with you has sped up the process.

Dean made it to the chair, seemingly keeping it between them. "This...bond. What is it?"

Castiel shook his head, "It is of no consequence to you."

"You're bonded to me and it's of no consequence to me?" Dean sat down picking up his food. "That i'm not buying."

"You are human. You cannot feel it. It has no affect on you." Castiel said looking at the wall.

Dean nodded as he chewed, "What can you do with it?" he asked after a while.

Castiel leant back slightly, "I told you, I can sense strong emotion from you, anger, panic, relief. It alerts me to any danger you are facing. I alone can find you instantly."

Dean frowned as he started shovelling again. "The others cant do that?"

Castiel shook his head, "Only I know where you are at any given moment."

Dean shifted a little, "What about what i'm doing?"

"What about it?"

"Well..."Dean swallowed a large amount of the chicken...thing. "Say if I was in the shower would you know I was in the shower or would you just know where I was?"

Castiel considered the human for a moment. "I...I simply can be wherever you are. I do often attempt to arrive a little away from you to give you some privacy."

Dean nodded and continued to eat.

Castiel sat in the silence rather comfortably watching his human. He had no idea how humans managed at the best of times to eat so much and Dean seemed to be especially proficient at this. The food itself smelt spicy but in a deep sort of way. It actually looked a little sticky in many ways yet it didn't appear to be from the way that Dean handled it.

"Dude."

Castiel snapped himself back to the conversation. "Yes?"

Dean had paused and was giving him an odd look. "Quit staring at me. It's puttin' me off."

Castiel tilted his head, "My staring makes you not feel hungry?" he asked with some disbelief. From what he'd seen nothing put Dean off eating. Not even digging himself out of his own grave.

Dean shook his head, "No, it's just...creepy." He fished a beer out of the bad along with a paper bag filled with some crispy looking objects.

"How much more is in there?" Castiel asked curious.

"Uh..."Dean looked in, "Enough." He grinned and then looked a little suspicious, "You don't want any do you?"

"No." Castiel placed his hands in his pockets. There was a long silence.

Dean nodded with a tight smile, "Well, what a bucket full of laughs you are." he muttered as he started to dip whatever it was that he held into some sauce. "So you letting me out of this place?"

Castiel narrowed his gaze. It really would be so much easier to keep Dean locked away from all the creatures he insisted on hunting.

"I want your word. No more of that behaviour." Castiel said.

"What behaviour?" Dean asked his mouth full yet again.

"No more seeking fights in order to release your anger."

Dean huffed, "How about I don't go looking for trouble with you and Sammy and humans in general?"

"You would prefer to take on something that is more likely to kill you?"

Dean flashed that up to no good smile at him. Castiel almost felt his own mouth twitch up in response. "If I discover Dean that you have been going out of your way to get hurt I will lock you up for longer than this. And without Sam to bring you..." he glanced at the bad. "Food."

Dean scrunched up the paper bag and took a swig of beer. "Kill-joy" he said and then held up his hands in defense as Castiel stood, almost ready to throttle him. "Relax, fine. Anything to get out of this place. Can't stand been in the same place too long."

It was a lie. Castiel almost said it but bit it back at the last second. Dean loved returning to Bobby's, knowing that there was somewhere to go and rest. But he was starting to learn that sometimes things didn't always have to be said.

"I will leave. You are free to go."

Castiel turned away from his charge.

"Cas."

He turned back and tilted his head enquiringly.

Dean looked stuck, as if he couldn't quite decide how to say something. He glanced down at the table and wriggled his shoulders a little. The words didn't seem to be coming.

"Sure you don't want something to eat?"

Castiel's gaze swept the table. There was nothing left. He saw Dean falter slightly as he too realised it.

"No."

Dean nodded and started to pack up the empty packets, clearly expecting him to leave.

"You're welcome."

Dean's head shot up and confusion, relief and awkwardness showed in his face. Dean simply nodded and continued with what he was doing.

Castiel left him to it.

_Next up is "Death Takes a Holiday"_


	7. Chapter 7

_Hello all, and thanks for the reviews – they have all been wonderful and I have replied to a few. If I haven't I am sorry but I have left my brain elsewhere this week and went through the reviews at random and now cant remember who I replied to and who I didn't reply to. So if anyone got two reply's I am sorry and hope to be functioning normally again next week! Thnks also to readers, alerters and favouriters.  
_

_And this is the first beta'd chapter (is that the correct phrase?!) woo-hoo! So thanks to Talli.b who so kindly offered and has more than likely spared you all the misfortune of suffering from my terrible punctuation and grammar, and who has my undying gratitude for sifting through the damn thing. :)_

_**Warnings**__ of __**mentioned torture**__ and...hmm...well its not pre-slash exactly more...getting a bit less vague I guess. You can probably still ignore it should you choose to but __**it is starting to lean a little more to the pre-slash way. **__ I apologise to anyone who doesn't want it spoiled but I did promise people that I would warn them well in advance. If you are leaving now then thanks for reading to this point :) _

_Oh and I dont own supernatural :(_

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The funeral home was guarded and inside a reaper struggled.

From a slight distance Uriel let out a snarl of frustration.

"This is useless." He marched back over to Castiel and glared at the marks upon the building. "We are wasting time."

Castiel dug his hands in his pockets and looked around at the sound of a gunshot far away.

"We should move on to protect another Seal." Uriel continued.

"No." Castiel walked slowly towards the church, as far as he could manage. "Our orders are to protect this seal and capture Alastair."

Uriel let out a disbelieving laugh, "Capture the demon? Why?"

"Because he may know who has started this attack on Angels." Castiel let his hand trace the force field that sprung up as he reached out.

"We do not need a demon--"

"It is ordered," Castiel replied without any hesitation. He turned back and saw Uriel looking away. For a split second he felt a momentary pang of...loss? The further he seemed to go down this path and protect Dean Winchester and the humans the more he seemed to be losing his brother.

"Your human and his demon brother could breach this place." Uriel said after a moment.

Castiel stiffened a little. If it were simply a matter of protecting the Seal it would be fine, but to put Dean in contact with Alastair?

Uriel seemed to see the hesitation on his face and his gaze hardened. "After all, is it not the best choice we have in order to ensure that the seal is not broken and that Alastair is captured."

Castiel looked down, his mind scanning through ways to avoid this. But there was nothing that he could find.

When he looked back up Uriel was watching him almost with glee.

Castiel nodded, "I will bring Dean and Sam here." He looked back at the church. "We will need to stay out of sight."

Uriel smiled in acknowledgment, "You intend to lull Alastair into a false sense of security."

"The brothers can take care of the seal. We will deal with Alastair."

"Fine." Uriel said, "Then we had best appear to be moving on."

He disappeared.

Castiel followed, simply vanishing from sight.

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He had hoped that being locked in a motel room would have done the two boys good, but there was friction there between them, even after two weeks. It was a shame that he hadn't thought to prevent Sam from leaving as well, it would have done the pair good to discuss their various issues.

It was slightly odd watching Sam and Dean like this. Dean almost believing that it was simply miracles that were happening and Sam being the more cynical one. Still Castiel couldn't help the small smile that leaped to his face as Dean didn't flat out refuse to believe that something good was happening.

Maybe he'd had more of an effect than he'd thought.

He didn't follow them outside of the motel room.

It was probably an invasion of privacy but he felt a little bored as he sat in the room waiting for the brothers to return. He went to the books left on the table and skimmed through them, smiling a little at some of the errors about certain creatures.

After a while that became a little dull and he stared in interest at the laptop in front of him. The newspaper that was on screen provided a little information.

Shrugging he spotted the thick leather journal that was on the bedside table. He had seen it often while watching Dean's past. He stood, picked it up and sat on gingerly on the edge of Dean's bed.

The journal clipped open easily and he thumbed through it. John Winchester, poor father that he may have been had certainly been one of the better trackers to have lived. He had learned an impressive amount in his time as a hunter.

The photograph stuck in the back made him smile. He could remember the day that it had been taken. Dean's dizzy excitement at the day out with his father, carefully watching his little brother. The fact that the trip had ended early because John had spotted a fellow hunter who had news about some demon hadn't surprised the little one.

As he stared at the young boy in the picture he felt a wave of fear from his charge. He gripped the photo a little tighter than he should have in his annoyance and then smoothed out the edges.

Dean had slid into unconsciousness quickly.

It seemed like hours before Sam returned with his slightly dazed brother and dumped him on the bed.

"Okay just stay there, I'll be back in a bit." Sam said rolling his brother over and giving him a slight pat on the shoulder.

"Where you going?" Dean demanded his voice sounding hazy.

Sam paused in the doorway. "We need answers Dean, the more people that cheat death the more attention this town is gonna get. And then it's just gonna get worse."

Dean winced as he lay there but managed to struggle to his arms in order to continue the discussion. By the time he won his hard fought battle to sit up Sam had already left.

Dean slumped back down and his eyes fluttered for a second before he gave into unconsciousness again. Castiel made his way over to the bed and stood over the hunter for a moment, frowning at the side of Dean's head. Gently he prodded Dean and stood back waiting for him to wake up.

He didn't.

With an annoyed breath he went and gathered some ice and wrapped it in a towel. He titled his head for a second and watched the human sleep. It was slightly disconcerting to see him passed out like this. As if sensing that he was being watched Dean started to stir. Castiel barely had enough time to vanish from sight.

Stupidly the hunter started to try and sit up again. He groaned and lay himself back down again, this time with far more control. Dean must have caught a glimpse of the home-made ice pack next to him because he patted his hand around on the bed until he found it and then raised it up to his bruised skull.

"Ow" Dean murmured as the pack thudded against his bruised head a little harder than he had clearly intended . Castiel felt it was something of a miracle that he restrained himself and only rolled his eyes at the hunter.

He watched Dean a few seconds longer and then left the room, deeply worried that he might actually show himself and tell the hunter off for such stupid behavior. Instead it seemed a lot more useful to call Sam as Bobby and ensure that the boys stayed on the right path with this hunt.

Xxxx

He stayed away when he heard that they planned to call the psychic. It was uncomfortable being in her presence and they really didn't need him there.

Instead he went to the funeral home again.

"Another Reaper has shown up."

Castiel didn't turn as Uriel walked and stood beside him. "It was always expected." he replied studying the inscriptions to ensure that Dean and Sam would manage to enter the building in astral form.

"They are cutting it far too close."

Castiel turned his head slowly to face Uriel, "They are only human. It takes time for them to prepare their plans."

"And their plan is?" Uriel asked skeptically.

"To enter the astral plane and recover the reapers that way."

Uriel raised an eyebrow at that. "It is better than I expected" he admitted, "But it is still not without it's flaws."

Castiel glanced heavenwards, "It is as good a plan as any."

Uriel shook his head. "I don't like this," he muttered, his deep voice heavy with scorn.

"Then leave."

Castiel felt Uriel look at him suddenly.

"I am sure that there are other battles. You do not need to be here for this. If you are needed I will call for you."

Uriel didn't move and Castiel felt himself tense up as the other angel seemed to radiate fury.

"Fine."

Castiel barely even acknowledged that he left. There seemed to be no symbols to keep out those on the astral plane. He wasn't sure if that made him feel better or worse.

Xxxx

He stood across the street as Dean and Sam walked up to the funeral home and stared. Castiel took a deep breath as the pair entered the home and were closed off from him.

It was strange. The link that he usually felt with Dean was empty, as if Dean had died. It made him deeply uncomfortable. And there was nothing that he could do but wait and watch.

It was almost ten minutes later that Dean suddenly flashed into existence with a reaper. He felt a wave of relief sweep through him at the sight. His human was all right.

And so was the reaper. Dean and Sam had stopped the ritual and the seal was saved.

Well at least in this town anyway. Unfortunately, it was a rather easy seal to break.

He watched as Dean hurried away obviously looking for his brother. For a moment or two Castiel watched the front of the building.

"Uriel."

His brother appeared instantly glaring.

"Remain here, in case Alastair comes out. You know what to do if he does."

"Where are you going?" Uriel grounded out with frustration.

"There may be another exit," was all that Castiel said as he willed himself to Dean's side.

"--inside that angsty little noggin of yours." the demon was hissing.

Alastair was walking towards Dean who was backing away trying to maintain an equal distance between them. Alastair's eyes were alight with something that was almost delighted. He looked as if he was about to get a prize.

Castiel gave a silent order without a heartbeat of hesitation and watched as Dean flinched back and covered his face as Heaven captured the demon. He could hear Alistair's indignant screams as he went and couldn't help the slight smirk of satisfaction that appeared on his face.

He heard Dean breathe deep, though whether from relief or surprise he couldn't tell. It was probably both.

"What the hell?" Dean whispered stunned.

"Guess again." He answered, his voice coming out with a certain smugness. He dragged his eyes off the spot that Alastair had stood in and glanced at his charge.

Seeing Dean's confusion he decided to take pity on him. "What just happened? You and Sam just saved a Seal. We captured Alastair." Dean's face remained questioning. "Dean this was a victory."

"Well no thanks to you." Dean breathed his eyes alight with some anger.

Castiel narrowed his eyes, "What makes you say that?"

"You where here, the whole time." Dean wasn't asking now. He looked fuming, almost ready to smite.

"Enough of it." Castiel looked away remembering the feeling when Dean had walked into that place and had been cut off from him.

"Well thanks for your help with the rock salt." Dean threw at him, his voice shaking a little from the remembered pain. Castiel didn't look at him, didn't really want to think about Dean being harmed only minutes from where he had been standing watch.

"That script on the funeral home, we couldn't penetrate it," he heard his voice say and he stared again at the spot that Alastair had been dragged from. He hadn't intended to tell Dean that. Far better that Dean believe it had been orders. He was already walking a dangerous line.

"That was angel proofing."

There was no fight in Dean's voice. Simply realization. It was as if he had taken the explanation as an apology.

Perhaps it had been.

He continued to stare at the spot unsure if those who had taken Alastair could hear what was being said. He hoped that they would simply assume that Dean had just taken his words the wrong way.

"Why do you think I recruited you and Sam in the first place?" He finally dragged his gaze back to Dean hoping that the conversation was back to an approved topic.

Dean looked a little thoughtful at that and seemed to be elsewhere for a second. "You recruited us?" he asked, his mind starting to piece it all together.

"That wasn't your friend Bobby who called Dean. It wasn't Bobby who told Sam about the Seals." Dean's questioning expression lessened a little.

"It was you."

Castiel nodded and looked away feeling slightly uncomfortable with the act of deception.

"If you wanted our help, why the hell didn't you just ask?"

Was he joking again? But his voice was deadly serious.

"Because whatever I ask." he begun, his frustration bleeding into his voice as he looked up at Dean, "You seem to do the exact opposite."

He saw Dean look away at that and a sigh seemed to be huffed out of him with annoyance. He didn't acknowledge what Castiel had said but didn't argue with him either. When it came to his charge one could say that a lack of argument was the closest you would often get to agreement.

"So what now huh? The people in this time are just gonna start dying again?"

He studied Dean trying to work out what he wanted him to say.

"Yes."

"These are good people. Don't you think you can make a few exceptions?"

"To everything there is a season." He answered stonily.

"You made an exception for me."

Ahh. Seeing Alastair, facing death. Perhaps it was all a little too close for comfort for Dean. And there was that question in his voice, the almost scared one that asked why he was here. Why he had been brought back.

But it wasn't time yet, and that order was one that he could not break no matter what.

He turned slowly to Dean and saw the slight vulnerability there. Saw him steeling himself for whatever answer was about to be given.

It wasn't time for Dean either.

He studied his charge unsure of what to say to him. What would be an acceptable reply that would not require a lie, false hope or reinforce Dean's own doubts about his own self worth?

"You're different."

But he saw Dean pull away just fractionally and his eyes lowered deep in thought, looking a little lost in whatever dark thoughts were running through him.

Alastair had much to answer for.

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In the days since Alastair had been captured he had appeared barely fazed. He had laughed and snarled and tormented with his slippery words but he had not let forth even one scream. It was infuriating and those that heaven had chosen to enforce punishment and rules had left seemingly without any hope that they would ever get Alastair to talk.

Beside Castiel, Uriel stood looking through the glass pane in disgust.

"He is not breaking," he unhelpfully announced. "If anything that stain seems to enjoy it."

Castiel pulled his own gaze from the demon. "It would be best to simply dispose of him. He will never talk."

"We have options."

Castiel turned fully and frowned at the sight of Zachariah. His superior had arrived as the punisher's had left and seemed to be rather un-rattled by the circumstances.

"What would you suggest?" He was a little surprised to find he sounded more challenging that he had intended to.

Zachariah stood and smiled in an almost eager way as he walked to the window. "There are others who could make him talk."

Uriel looked angry. "Demons?" his voice rumbled.

Zachariah studied Uriel for a moment. "That would be foolish," he admonished. "Lucky for us not all those who know how to deliver hellish torments are demons."

Castiel looked to the table barely managing to suppress his immediate reaction. He felt as if there was suddenly something wrong with his vessels functions. He kept his back to the other two, unsure of what he would reveal otherwise.

Desperately he tried to regain his focus.

"You think this mud monkey can succeed where we have failed?" Uriel asked.

He heard Zachariah let out a laugh, "You really don't like him, do you? I think I may have to meet this Dean Winchester soon."

Castiel clenched his fist around a text and stared at the wall rigidly.

"How long will you give us until you ask for Dean to be summoned?" he asked and took little satisfaction in the fact that his voice remained emotionless.

Zachariah was suddenly very close and Castiel turned around to face him. Zachariah seemed to be trying to bore his eyes into Castiel. "You are reluctant," he murmured and then his voice grew harder. "Why?"

"We have other plans for Dean. I fear this," Castiel allowed his gaze to slide to the heavy door, "will be counter-productive to those plans."

Zachariah said nothing.

"Dean may be damaged by this encounter. He may loose his--"

"Faith?" Zachariah asked. Behind him Uriel snorted.

"His will to fight this battle," Castiel continued as if both of them hadn't said a thing.

Zachariah let out a long sigh and moved away a little, deep in thought.

"If you have made no progress by sundown you are to bring the Winchester boy here. We cannot afford any more losses."

And then he was gone.

Uriel glared at him. "You walk a fine line brother" he threw at Castiel.

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The punishers returned and left with little progress. With no other option and sun-down only hours away Castiel entered the cold room.

Alastair didn't react. He stood with the chains restraining him to the symbol as if he was at ease with being there. Castiel walked up to the table and studied the equipment that the punishers had left behind.

Dean was to use them.

"I know you." Alastair's drawling voice hit his ears.

"We fought in the barn," Castiel replied tracing a hand over a nasty looking instrument.

"No." He could hear Alastair pull against the chains. "No..." There was an angry inhale, "You pulled him out."

Castiel turned to the demon. "I did."

Alastair was lent forward, eyes fuming. "You took my favorite toy."

"He was never yours to begin with." Castiel walked around the table, putting it between them.

Alastair laughed, "Oh but he was. Still is." He shifted a little. "I put a stain on his soul Angel and you will never remove it."

Castiel's hand closed over the handle of a blade and he looked down with some surprise. Slowly he released his grip.

"All things fade eventually Alastair," he said, not looking up.

"Not me from him. He and I will always remember. And you will always know that you were too late." Alastair almost hissed the last part.

The sight of the cool and clean table was suddenly replaced by a bleeding soul, screaming in horror at what it was doing, awash with self loathing and disgust. The body in hell cutting and carving and keeping his back to an empty rack which was slick with blood and filth.

And when he had looked at Dean then he had felt disappointment.

Now he felt rage and fury at the idea. And something else.

"Do I actually see before me an Angel who feels guilt?" Alastair's leering voice jerked him back. "The rumors must be true then."

Castiel's head shot up at that.

"You actually give a damn about what happens to my boy. But then I suppose it shouldn't surprise me. Under all that mouth and attitude he had a certain something. Me and you, we're like moths to his flame."

Castiel met Alastair's eyes which were alight with something.

"You and I are nothing alike." Castiel replied tightly.

"Sure we are." Alastair stretched. "You're just too Angel to know it."

Castiel tilted his head in some confusion.

Alastair continued to shift as if getting comfortable. "Hmm, do you know what I miss most about our boy?"

Castiel glanced at the door.

"The way his face twisted when he tried not to scream and cry like a child. He'd suck in those great deep breaths and stare. Glaring and pleading at the same time. It was...exquisite."

Castiel froze.

"And so many issues to toy with" Alastair licked his lips. "In the later days I would simply play with his mind." He shook his head, "I really should have seen earlier that it was the way to get him, that was how to make him crack."

"You did not simply play with his mind," Castiel snapped.

"Oh no. I like playing with the body too much. A silly weakness I suppose. He'd scream when I cut him to little pieces and cry when I hammered his mind to dust. I never could decide which I preferred."

He couldn't move.

"On the first day I stripped the flesh from his bones. He bit straight through his lips trying not to scream for me. After a while he realized it was pointless. And on the last day on that rack..." Alastair grinned, "I told him that no one cared he was down with us and that no one would ever argue that he didn't belong with me. That Sam had never tried and that everyone had rejoiced when the worthless son was dragged down, especially Daddy." He pulled back and his voice lost its soft tone. "I'd spread his rib cage, made an eagle and hung him from that. But it was that moment when he finally believed what I told him that shattered him. And you know what? Our boy still believes every word of it."

Before he knew what he was doing his fist had sunk into Alastair's face. Again and again and again. It barely occurred to his fevered mind to grab one of the objects on the table. All he could think about was hurting Alastair, destroying him the way he had destroyed Dean.

Uriel closed his hand around Castiel's fist and had to almost lift him off of the demon and throw him out of the room.

"What are you doing?" Uriel shouted in utter disbelief as he slammed the door shut behind him. "Why were you even in there?"

Castiel stared at his brother and slowly looked down at his hands. The knuckles were red and swollen and starting to heal. Alastair's laughter echoed, slightly muted yet ringing in his ears. He looked back at the door.

"I don't know." he replied honestly.

Uriel shook his head, "You should go for a while." he said tightly.

Castiel bowed his head with shame and left.

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It did not take him long to wind up by Dean's side. The human was sleeping even though it wasn't yet sundown. The hunters kept odd hours.

Slowly Castiel slid into a chair and silently watched. Dean was breathing in and out and there was a certain wonderful rhythm to it. He was watching so intently that he could tell the second his human slid into a nightmare.

Typically he would wake him up or enter the dreams. But he felt as frozen as he had when Alastair had taunted him.

_Our boy still believes every word of it._

Slowly he rose from the chair and knelt on the floor next to the bed where Dean was starting to thrash around slightly, his panic increasing as he got himself caught up in the bed covers and the sensation added to his tortured memories.

"Dean," he said quietly. His charge didn't hear and murmured something under his breath that Castiel couldn't make out. He threw himself with some violence across the bed.

"Shhh," Castiel hushed remembering how Dean had done the same with Sam when they had been younger. Slowly he reached out and smoothed Dean's hair before placing a palm on his forehead. He chased the nightmares away with a simple thought.

Dean instantly relaxed, his shoulders loosening and his neck muscles loosing their rigidity. Castiel watched as the lines that had appeared as Dean's face had screwed up vanished.

And still he didn't remove his hand.

It was as if he needed to prove to himself that Dean was actually in front of him and not some vision.

_You will always know that you were too late._

Castiel removed his hand and studied the man in front of him. Even in a dreamless sleep he didn't look that happy. Dean's t-shirt had ridden up his arm a little and there was an odd mark underneath. Curious he pulled the short sleeve up higher.

He stared at the mark, at the hand-shaped mark and blinked almost stupidly.

His hand print had been burnt into Dean's arm.

It shouldn't have happened. He had remade the body piece by piece. There had been no scaring nor mar. Nothing. It hadn't even happened to the body.

But it had happened to the soul.

Slowly Castiel let his eyes travel to Dean's shut ones. He had never mentioned it, never questioned it. Dean had never demanded to know why he carried the mark of an angel.

Castiel reached out a hand and hovered it over the mark, not really wanting to touch Dean in case it woke him from his much-needed sleep. The hand would fit, which was ridiculous surely. He hadn't even seen this body when he had dragged Dean out.

It was not a physical mark.

Alastair had given Dean seemingly endless torment which he relived even now. But it hadn't been Alastair who had left a mark on Dean. He had and he didn't know how to respond to that.

"What is going on with you Castiel?" an incredulous voice sounded from behind him.

Uriel.

He didn't turn but kept staring at the mark. Slowly he covered it up with the sleeve.

"We should talk outside," he replied, standing up.

"Afraid your little human might wake up and see you hovering over his bed?" Uriel sneered at him.

Castiel turned. "I do not appreciate what you are implying."

"Really? Then you don't care for this pathetic human."

Castiel took in a deep breath. "You know I do," he replied. It was pointless to argue or deny.

"I do not believe that is simply it." Uriel hissed, walking forward, "And neither do our superiors."

Castiel stood his ground, remaining in between Uriel and a deeply sleeping Dean. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"You have been demoted."

No.

He faltered a little but couldn't step away for fear of crashing backwards into Dean and waking him. "You are wrong. They are wrong." His voice deepened with the force of his words.

Uriel shook his head. "After the incident with the demon no one believes that. You have been slipping since the moment he was given to your charge, brother."

Castiel looked down and away. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Dean's out-stretched hand that was attached to the arm that bore his mark.

"He remains my charge."

Uriel made a noise of frustration. "Oh yes. You are the expert when it comes to dealing with Dean Winchester. I do not argue or envy that. But you have lost sight of the bigger picture brother. Even you cannot deny it."

He opened his mouth and realized that he couldn't argue against it. The silence dragged on.

"What will happen?" he asked, looking at Uriel.

His brother looked away. "You have a chance to redeem yourself. Prove to us that Winchester is not your sole priority, that you have not lost sight of what needs to happen and you will be restored to your rightful position."

"And if I do not?"

Uriel met him stare for stare. "Then when Dean Winchester ceases to be useful, you will too."

Castiel remained silent.

"You need to remember brother who is more important here. Where your loyalty really is."

Castiel frowned at that. His brother sounded...blasphemous, but it was no longer his place to say.

"What would you have me do?" he asked.

Uriel looked a little relieved at that. "Search out the Angels whose voices cannot be heard. We fear that we have lost them. When you return, and if it is without any new information, we will revisit this human and he will obey."

Castiel gave one last look at Dean, nodded and obeyed.

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The car alarms blazed out across the night. The entire scene in front of him was a mess of noise and metal. He walked until it became far too annoying and stopped holding out a hand in front of him.

The noise and lights stopped and it was blessedly quiet again and almost instantly he could hear the rain once more.

It was better suited to his mood.

His eyes searched the wreckage in front of him. He knew his sister was here somewhere and he walked with purpose, glass crunching under his shoes as he did so.

Behind a toppled car his sister lay, her vessel's body as beautiful and serene as she had once been. Slowly he knelt and pulled away some of the fabric that hid her mortal wound.

It told him little other than it had probably been a knife. He looked up at her face again and felt a wave of loss within.

Loss and fear as to what now had to happen next.

"Goodbye sister," he whispered gently. The sirens echoed closer and he turned slowly to them knowing that these law enforcers would never solve this one.

He wished they could.

He left as they pulled up and went to the abandoned warehouse where Uriel waited.

"Two more have fallen," he said without emotion.

Uriel nodded, "Then we have no other choice."

Castiel nodded, not allowing his mind to settle on anything.

"It is time we paid Dean Winchester a visit."

A/N

Next up is "On the head of a pin".


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8 – I own nothing. Especially not the characters and the recognisable dialogue.

Ok so this is the first part of on the head of a pin. Thanks to all who have reviewed, alerted and read again. Sorry for the delay – I was being rather stupid with the internet!

Feel free to let me know what you think and if you're still enjoying. Chapter 9 is written but needs polishing and 10 is over three quarters of the way done so hopefully we should be back on track with at least weekly updates.

It follows the episode so beware mentions of torture.

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Dean seemed tired. Which was odd because he had been in his presence not five hours ago and he knew that the hunter had gotten some sleep. Yet Dean still appeared to be exhausted.

He glanced at Uriel in the darkness as Sam reached for the light.

If it were up to him they would leave this until the morning.

And then the next morning and the next until Alastair talked out of sheer boredom. But Castiel's instincts were clearly compromised. He himself had seen what was happening to angels. They needed every soldier that they could get in this war.

"Winchester and Winchester," Uriel announced with authority. Castiel remained where he stood, hands comfortably in his pockets and gaze firmly on the wall. He would not give Uriel the excuse to put him in an uncomfortable position...

...well, at least one that was worse than this.

"Oh come on." Dean seemed more irritated than anything else.

"You are needed."

"Needed? We just got back from needed." Dean's voice deepened as his anger rose, clearly looking for a target to take it out on.

Finally it was an appropriate one for once.

"Now you mind your tone with me." Uriel was enjoying this far too much. But then what did he know? He was no longer trusted in anything that wasn't solely Dean Winchester. Though if Uriel bothered to turn and ask this was not the way that one convinced Dean to do anything.

"No you mind your damn tone with us," Dean barked as he marched forward with a murderous look on his face.

He still didn't look at Dean.

"We just got back," Sam said coming forward and holding out an arm in either defense or restraint. "From Pamela's funeral."

"Pamela, you know psychic Pamela?" Dean asked, in an accusatory tone as Castiel felt something in him stiffen. "You remember her. Cas you remember her, you burnt her eyes out." Dean sounded almost unhinged as he said it and the tone made him look over finally.

"Remember that? Good times!" Dean barked as Castiel watched him. Why couldn't this have been any other day? His charge was fragile as it was.

"Yeah," Dean added turning his attention back to Uriel, "then she died saving one of your precious seals, so maybe you can stop pushing us around like chess pieces for five freakin' minutes!" Dean yelled the last bit. Sam looked torn between joining in and telling Dean to calm down a little.

He knew how he felt. He shook that thought away as it entered his head. He was compromised due to the charge bond that he shared with Dean. It was all for the bigger picture. Uriel had to be right in this. Zachariah had to be right.

God was right.

"We raised you out of hell for our purposes," Uriel's voice rung out.

We? As he recalled Uriel had been far behind when he had reached Dean. Had been fighting off the demons with more gusto than was required.

He dared a look at Dean.

"Oh yeah and what were they again? What exactly do you want from me?"

"Start with gratitude," Uriel slowly drawled out.

He clenched his hands in his pockets. The spatting between Dean and Uriel was getting ridiculous.

"Dean we know this is difficult to understand..." he began, his tone perfectly matter of fact, yet somehow sounding just as tired as Dean had seemed.

"And we," Uriel turned around clearly to remind him of his place in this, "don't care," he said turning back and biting out each word.

Castiel looked away again, not even quiet managing to feel uneasy at this new dynamic between him and his brother. He pressed his mouth shut and managed to continue to stare ahead all the while knowing that Dean was staring at him in confusion.

That confusion thankfully kept him silent for a while.

"Now, seven Angel's have been murdered," Uriel started to explain, his tone all business. "All of them from our garrison. The last one was killed tonight."

"Demons?" Dean asked

Uriel shifted in acknowledgment.

"How they doin' it?"

It was as if the hunter was asking for tips. That would have annoyed him but Uriel seemed to pass over it with unusual calmness.

"We don't know," Uriel admitted.

"But what do you want us to do about it?" Sam questioned, his voice sounding both annoyed and curious.

Castiel slowly looked at Uriel knowing that soon it would happen. Soon Dean would hear what he had to do. He had almost hoped that Uriel would allow him to break it to Dean if it had to be done anyway.

"...out of our league right?" Sam was saying.

"We can handle the demons, thank you very much." Uriel sounded peeved at the suggestion.

"Once we find who it is," Castiel added. He saw Uriel turn his head a little, but at least this time it wasn't quite such an obvious put down.

Dean looked almost amused. "So you need our help hunting a demon?"

"Not quite." Castiel risked coming closer, he could feel Uriel's eyes on him but his brother made no move to stop him. "We have Alastair."

It came as no shock to Dean, clearly he remembered what had happened while he had been in astral form. "Great," Dean offered. "He should be able to name your trigger man."

"But he wont talk. Alastair's will is very strong. We've arrived at an impasse." He watched Dean as he ducked his head a little.

"Yeah, well, he's like a black belt in torture, you guys are out of your league."

There wasn't any suspicion or dawning realization on his charge's face as he had half-hoped that there would be.

"That's why we've come to his student," Uriel calmly stated.

Dean's face contracted in shock. And fear. And Castiel glared at his brother.

"You happen to be the most qualified interrogator we've got."

The fear in Dean's eyes grew until he looked down, his face tight and drawn. Eventually he couldn't even keep it out of his face and he looked down, his expression lost in shadow.

"Dean," Castiel said gently and then inwardly frowned at the softness of the tone. His charge wouldn't respond well to it. "You're our best hope." His voice was stronger, harder. More forceful.

"No." All of Dean's desperation, determination and stubbornness went into that one word as he raised his head. The word quivered slightly with his fear.

And he knew, could feel how this terrified Dean.

"No way. You can't ask me to do this Cas, not this."

Castiel sucked in a deep breath at the sound of his charge coming so close to begging

This had to be wrong. Surely.

But Uriel stepped forward. Castiel switched his gaze from Dean to Uriel feeling fear himself. Because this was it. The moment he had so fervently had hoped would never happen since Zachariah had come to visit.

And he was just standing and watching while his charge was about to be pulled into his own personal hell.

"Who said anything about asking?" Uriel's voice slithered out.

Dean looked uncertain at that and looked at his brother. Uriel pulled Dean away and Castiel followed instantly.

Dean stumbled as they appeared in the old warehouse and looked around with the reactions befitting a hunter. Uriel rolled his eyes at Dean's shock and caught Castiel's gaze as if expecting him to share his sentiments. When he didn't, Uriel glared at him, a silent order to show Dean what was behind the door.

With an equally disapproving look at Uriel, Castiel moved and obeyed watching Dean and then dropping his gaze as he slipped past him and approached the door.

He stared in at Alastair who was breathing heavily, clearly exerting himself in the hopes of escape. He could feel Dean come up behind him and then in between Castiel and the door. There was a spike in fear from Dean as well as something else.

Disgust.

"This devil's trap is old Enochian." Castiel glanced at the back of Dean's head. "He's bound completely."

Dean stared ahead seemingly lost in something. He seemed to forcibly shake himself out of it. It was hard to tell who he was more annoyed at, the demon within or the angels outside.

"Fascinating. Where's the door?" he asked, pushing past Castiel.

Castiel stared at Alastair and didn't turn. But Dean could not leave. If nothing else there were demons outside of the protections that were likely waiting for such an opportunity.

"Where are you going?"

"Hitch back to Cheyenne, thank you very much," Dean said, not pausing in his stride.

Uriel appeared in front of Dean having moved faster than any human could possibly follow.

"Angels are dying boy."

"Everybody's dying these days," Dean snarled back.

For almost a second Castiel could have sworn he saw sympathy on Uriel's face, although that made no sense whatsoever.

"And I get it you're all powerful, you can make me do whatever you want but you can't make me do this." Dean turned back to Castiel with a pleading look.

He didn't reply immediately, though he suspected that Uriel wanted him to. Behind Dean, Uriel drew himself up, probably to threaten Dean again.

It wouldn't happen.

"This is too much to ask," Castiel started, walking forward. "I know. But we have to ask it." He came to an abrupt stop, his mind constantly asking him why.

Dean didn't break eye contact, his expression bordering on miserable to the point that it was too much to even look at. Slowly he turned back to Uriel.

"I wanna talk to Cas alone."

He snapped his gaze back to Dean in bewilderment. Uriel looked unwilling, almost amused by this.

"Really?"

"If you want a snowball's chance in hell of me going in there then you're gonna shag ass and let us talk."

He felt momentary happiness that Dean was asking for him, that Dean thought his opinion was worth weight. It vanished the second that he realized that if Dean got his way it would be up to him to persuade his charge to walk into that room. He almost wanted to beg Uriel to stay. It helped somewhat that Uriel's expression went from amused to stunned annoyance. It was satisfying but being smug seemed particularly unfitting of an angel.

As if the other emotions weren't.

Whatever it was that Uriel saw in Dean's face convinced him better than any words Castiel had used. He locked eyes with Castiel. And he felt dread.

"I think I'll go seek...revelation," Uriel said slowly. "We might have some further orders."

The unspoken order was clear. Convince Dean or suffer the consequences.

"Well get some doughnuts while you're out." Castiel let out an annoyed sigh as he saw Uriel look at Dean as if he were something he would dearly love to smite. And he knew it was his own fear that made him quick to anger and annoyance. Another way that indulging in emotions created weakness.

"Jelly," Dean ordered in that arrogant voice that he sometimes hated.

In truth Castiel could barely follow the conversation between Uriel and Dean. He could hear the words but it seemed as if the meaning and the way that the two responded to each other was an epic puzzle of some kind. He simply could not make himself focus on them for long enough. He glanced back at the door and for a split crazed second wondered if he could accidentally kill Alastair.

He was losing his mind. This was an order from high up, from God even. Who was he to know better? The fact that there was some part of him inside that didn't even care about that was testament to how badly he was failing.

It was God's will and he was an angel. There should be nothing more to it than that.

"This one just won't quit will he?" Uriel asked. Castiel drew himself out of his thoughts and gazed at Uriel uncertainly. Uriel started to chuckle. "Heaven help us, I think I'm starting to like you boy."

And with that he left.

How was he meant to do this? He had the hardest time trying to persuade Dean to follow orders he agreed with. Not that he didn't agree with this.... Dean turned around looking annoyed and he braced himself.

"You guys don't walk enough. You're gonna get flabby."

That had not been what he expected. He gave Dean a confused look and tried to work out where in the time that they had been in the warehouse this topic had come up.

Dean raised an eyebrow. "I think Chuckles has a better sense of humor than you do."

Why on earth was Dean prattling on about inane things? He couldn't figure out the relation that Dean's comments had to each other or this situation. "Uriel's the funniest Angel in the garrison. Ask anyone," he offered.

Dean stared at him for a second and then moved his mouth as if working out how to say something before giving up and seemingly dismissing this bizarre conversation altogether. All of a sudden his expression grew serious and he walked over to him, questions in his eyes.

"What's going on Cas?"

He steeled himself, mind searching for reasons, to re-explain what Uriel had already said.

"Since when does Uriel put a leash on you?"

It hadn't been the question he had expected. In fact part of him had counted on the fact that Dean would be so overwhelmed at what they were asking that he wouldn't even notice and that Castiel could prove himself before he ever did.

It was odd how Dean could be so observant about so many things and yet utterly clueless with others. He slid his eyes away from Dean and licked his lips, a clinical voice in his head telling him that humans did this when they were nervous and that this was clearly yet another bad habit that he'd picked up on.

"I um..." he looked down trying to decide how best to phrase this. How could he tell Dean that he was being punished because he tried to harm Alastair? Or because he took away Dean's nightmares and gave him warnings that he shouldn't? But if he didn't tell Dean, there was a chance that Alastair could use it against Dean when he entered that room.

Yet it seemed unlikely. What reaction would it have other than momentary shock? Alastair could not get free, and if Dean needed to he could come out and ask.

Besides, he was sure that Alastair had more than enough verbal ammunition to fling at Dean without mentioning his wayward angel. It was not the time to bring it up, yet Dean needed an answer. He deserved honesty in this matter given what he was about to ask.

"My superiors have begun to question my sympathies." He tried to remain calm, business-like.

"Your sympathies?"

"I was getting to close to the humans in my charge." He faced Dean straight on for the first time this night. "You."

Dean looked confused at that.

"You and your brother," he remedied, not sure if Dean wouldn't blame himself. "They feel I've begun to express emotion." He continued with a sigh, "Doorways to doubt. This can impair my judgment," he admitted, thinking back to his wildly stupid plan earlier to simply kill Alastair and have done with it.

"So they knock you down the ladder and put Uriel in charge?" Dean's expression indicated that he didn't think much of that idea.

"He is a proud and able instrument of God." He felt as if he was reciting something.

"The demotion...doesn't it get your loincloth in a twist?" Dean seemed determined to inspire even more emotion in him.

"It is what is to be." Castiel turned away from him, attempting to quell the anger that Dean seemed to be encouraging and hoping that this conversation would be left alone.

He snapped his head up as he realized that would mean returning to the subject of Alastair.

Unfortunately Dean seemed to have gotten the hint and stepped past him to look through the window again. "Well tell Uriel, or whoever, you do not want me doing this. Trust me."

Castiel continued to stare ahead, not looking at Dean who was to his side. "Want it, no. But I've been told we need it."

In the long silence part of him had to wonder if he had been too quick to reply to Dean. He would not look, out of fear that Dean would see how reluctant he was with this.

"Cas, the things that I did, what I became," the pause was painful, "You ask me to open that door and walk through it, you will not like what walks back out."

He shook his head a little, wishing that this was weeks ago and that he could take the time to help Dean with this. But he couldn't.

God didn't want him to.

"You know what we're fighting for, dying for." They were the right words to say to convince Dean. "What Pamela lost her life for."

He could feel the guilt that washed through Dean like a wave, and though it hurt to continue, he knew he had to.

"You know what will happen if we fail."

He could feel Dean wavering and knew that he would say yes. And it hurt that he was the one swaying him.

"For what it's worth," he hesitated but he had done what he was meant to do. If nothing else he would never lie to Dean. "I would give anything not to have you do this."

He heard Dean let out a breath and then it was as if something snapped within his charge. The wavering became icy cold resolve, and he had no idea why. He could feel his charge's emotions, but the reasons behind certain feelings were not privy to him.

And it was the first time that this annoyed him.

"I'll need a few things."

He turned and faced the back of Dean's head as his charge looked ahead at the demon. Part of him wanted to ask if Dean was sure, but he dared not try his luck even further.

Besides, once Dean's mind was set on something it was pointless to get in the way.

"We have tools already."

Dean nodded, his shoulders tight. "You have...." He took a deep breath and then started again in a stronger voice. "You have a needle? Like for injections?"

Castiel frowned. "I will check." He hesitated. "You can leave that room whenever you need to."

Dean let out a snort. "He'll see it as a victory. That he's stronger."

Castiel said nothing, "He will use words to--"

"Yeah, I know. Not like I haven't faced him before."

He glanced at the knife of the table with some longing before shaking himself, fuming at his own weakness. If Dean could do this then so could he.

"You gonna check on the stuff?" Dean asked, sounding gruffer than usual. He still hadn't looked at him.

"You wish to be alone?"

There was a nod of the head in front of him. "Just for a moment."

Castiel turned and nodded. "I will be back."

He gathered the needle from a local hospital. When he returned Dean pressed a large bottle of water into his hands. "Bless it, Angel Boy."

He did so quietly and unnerved by the unusual silence from Dean. Finally he placed the water on the table.

Dean took the little trolley from him without comment and turned to the door.

"Cas?"

"Yes?" He asked, standing behind him about to open the door.

"Don't come in and don't look."

Dean finally met his eyes. He looked hard, all sharp and emotionless. But his eyes were blazing with so many emotions it was hard to look away.

Slowly he nodded and stood back as Dean went in to his own personal hell.

Xxxxxxxxxxx

For the longest time there was only the murmur of voices that allowed him to know that they were talking but not what they were talking about. He turned and sat on the edge of the table, determined to do this one thing for Dean, but inactivity was difficult. Especially when he didn't know what was being discussed or even if Dean had started his interrogation.

Then the scream started, a choked cry that certainly wasn't Dean. And he sat and clenched his hands in his pockets. Determined not to look, to see how it was that Dean managed to do what the punishers of heaven could not.

Metal and flesh clashed and still there remained the strangled gasps.

His head turned before he realized, and he stared as Dean stood in front of Alastair, his back to Castiel and Alastair cried out, wriggling and writhing against his confinement.

Dean was unmoved. He could see it, feel it.

He looked away knowing now why Dean had not wanted him to look.

Slowly the screams died away to desperate pants. It started up again, the sound of torment ringing, and every sound that Alastair let out was further than heaven had gotten.

And it was the silences that unnerved him. The slight tenor of voices that made him clench the table where he stood. Because every time it happened was a time that Alastair was fighting back, was potentially turning the tables on Dean.

He glanced in once more to see that Dean was fine, he simply looked as if he was changing tools. Slowly he stood from where he had been seated for what felt like forever.

How could this be right?

He had caught a look at Dean looking blank and cold and uncaring. It was as if watching a body possessed. He had been charged with this man's safety and soul and yet he stood outside safe, unharmed while his charge....

He moved to the end of the table and bent over it, hands wrapping around the edge of the table. It was hard to tell what was more painful, the fact that he was inwardly rebelling or that he had to listen to Dean lose more and more of himself.

Amidst the cries, the lights started to flicker. His first worrying thought was that Alastair was somehow freeing himself.

But then a presence behind him alerted him it wasn't the case, and thankfully, finally, there was something else to do other than listen and wait.

Even if it was facing a former sister and someone that he was ordered to kill on sight.

"Anna," he said without much inflection. He felt almost exhausted by this day.

"Hello Castiel."

He attempted to center himself and turned to see the same human that had exploded in front of him months ago.

"Your human body." He frowned trying to work out how she had managed that before deciding that he actually didn't care that much.

"It was destroyed, I know. But I guess I'm sentimental," she said, walking forward to him. "Called in some old favors and...." She trailed off leaving the obvious unsaid.

He thought about turning, turning to ask her what to do, to kill her, to simply toss her out.

Instead he restrained himself, his apathy seeming to grow with every passing moment that Dean was in that room.

"You shouldn't be here. We still have orders to kill you." He looked back at the window. He had broken his promise to Dean half a dozen times now.

He wondered if it was something that he should lie about.

"Somehow I don't think you'll try." She walked around him and towards the room. "Where's Uriel?"

And damn her, she sounded far more at peace with herself than she should, so much more confident then he, who was still an Angel of the Lord.

"He went to receive revelation." He watched her walk to the door and looked at the window. She almost blocked his view as she watched too. They could both see Dean almost cradle Alastair's head in a way that was utterly unsettling.

And Alastair, exhausted and pained though he was smiled at the sight that shook Castiel to his core. Anna shook her head as Alastair spat out blood, his gaze challenging.

She turned back to him, "Why are you letting Dean do this?"

Letting?

He shifted and avoided her look, but instead caught sight of Dean with a bloody instrument in his hands and heard the strangled gasps of Alastair. The sight made him look away.

"He's doing God's work." He stepped into the shadows as if it would offer him some protection from her tormenting and tempting questions.

"Torturing? That's God's work?"

It had to be.

"Stop him Cas, please, before you ruin the one real weapon you have."

He dug his hands in deep. It was if she was repeating his thoughts from earlier. Had he really sunk as low as she?

No wonder his superiors had questioned his judgment if he sounded like a fallen angel.

"Who are we to question the will of God?" He hated that it wasn't what Uriel would have done or any other angel. He hated even more that part of him wanted her to give him a good and solid answer.

"Unless this isn't his will?" Anna replied, not as strong as he had hoped.

"Then where do the orders come from?" he asked, feeling a little disappointed and all too aware that they were about to go in circles.

He'd had the thoughts enough himself. It changed nothing. The orders came from high, and faith was akin to trust. Without that he was as lost as Anna.

"I don't know, one of our superiors maybe? But not Him."

Alastair's gasping interrupted her and he looked away. She came closer.

"The father you love, you think he wants this? You think he'd ask this of you?" He looked away, wondering how she knew how hard this was for him to listen to and watch. "You think this is righteous?"

Dean had remained righteous, even in and after hell. Perhaps this was. But it felt so utterly and completely wrong. Dean felt so wrong.

But maybe it was Anna trying not to be found. For all he knew she could be the one telling the demons how to kill angels. And while something told him that it wasn't so, he knew his own judgment wasn't worth anything at the moment.

"What you're feeling," she said, slithering closer, "It's called doubt."

He knew that. Knew that it was that word which his superiors feared, knew it was that reason why he had been demoted. Another cry drew his attention to the window.

He knew that Dean Winchester was causing it and he couldn't bring himself to blame the human and his annoying, stubborn ways for it.

Through the window, he saw Dean stab Alastair with a flick of his wrists that removed skin rather than plunging in deep. He shut his eyes against it. When he opened them Dean was reviving the demon with holy water.

He hated himself for having doubts. But he hated himself for what his faith was doing to Dean.

"These orders," Anna said as she wrapped her hand around his causing him to snap out of his thoughts, "Are wrong and you know it." He looked from their joined hands to her earnest face. "But you can do the right thing. You're afraid, Cas." He looked away, annoyed at the nickname coming from her mouth. "I was too." Her hand spasmed and grabbed his wrist more firmly. "But together we can--"

"Together...." He looked down. With her. Anna who had caused Dean so much upheaval, who had appeared here and seemed more eager to make him disobey than actually stop Dean as she said. She was strong enough. If she wanted to, she could escape with Dean or at least risk it. He couldn't hurt Dean and she could leave whenever she needed to.

She wanted an ally.

This wasn't about Dean. Or at least not fully. It couldn't be, it didn't make sense. If she took Castiel with her then she would have Dean and not one single angel could ultimately harm Dean, not when they needed him so.

She wanted protection.

Anna was scared and alone and not that strong at all.

And for all her declarations that it was wrong to let Dean in that room she was too selfish to be the one to stop it. If it wasn't ordered by God, he would be in that room with a knife in his hands, whether Alastair was chained or not.

He looked at her and yanked his hand away as if he had been burned.

"I am nothing like you," he snarled at her, his earlier feelings of frustration and impotence turning to anger. This time he circled her. "You fell."

_I am not that selfish._

"Go," he ordered her. He walked to the window without flinching away from the sight for the first time.

"Cas," she said quietly, pleading.

He turned back, "Go."

And so she did, the sound of her wings mixing with the cries behind him. He bowed his head and prayed for Dean to have strength in this.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

After a while, the usual rise and fall of the cries stopped. Yet he ignored it. Dean had proven himself to be far more competent at this than his superiors and he had suspected. Far stronger than he had realized.

And strength like this would be good if Dean was going to face what was ahead. It was the same strength that he would need. Because the others in his garrison didn't care. Not when there was a bigger picture.

He was sent to protect Dean. He would be his charge's voice and protection against whatever was out there. And to remain Dean's angel he had to follow orders, whether he agreed with them or not.

And how this had happened he had no idea. But the best he could believe was that God had sent him to pull Dean out, had put him in his care. And so he had to continue that duty no matter what.

It was the only order he could really have any faith in now.

There was the wound of flesh hitting flesh and something dropping. He continued to stare down at the table.

"I'll see you back in class, bright and early...."

He turned in horror as the gleeful shout reached his ears. Dean was against the rack, Alastair holding him against it with one hand choking Dean. He moved as fast as he could, faster than the clearly concussed Dean could follow and grabbed for the knife.

He grabbed Alastair's arm turning him around and plunged the knife deep. Dean dropped to the floor, his face bloody and body without fight. With fury, Alastair pushed him away leaving Dean far too close to Alastair for comfort.

The knife flickered where it was but he had clearly just missed the heart. Alastair stared down at it with annoyance, his power showing as he seemed to feel little pain.

"Almost," he muttered. He looked up with a jolly smile. "Looks like God is on my side today."

Castiel didn't reply but held out his hand and twisted the knife hoping that it was close enough. Alastair's lips thinned in pain as he struggled forward. Fighting Castiel's power Alastair reached down and pulled the blade out with shaking hands that strained with effort.

Alastair recovered surprisingly quickly and lunged at Castiel. It was a relief that finally he had managed to get the demon far enough away from Dean that he could concentrate on the fight properly. He hit him again and again feeling that satisfaction that had hit him last time. In the split second that he had Alastair down on the ground, he wavered, remembering Uriel's reaction.

Alastair took advantage of it, tackling him. Castiel re-focused only to find his back pierced by the peg on the wall behind him. Alastair effectively hooked him on to it and while it didn't hurt, it ensured that Castiel couldn't move away.

Alastair's hand fastened against his throat with determination.

"Like roaches, you Celestials," Alastair announced. Weakly, Castiel struggled but there was no breaking free. "I really wish I knew how to kill you, but all I can do is send you back to heaven," he cooed.

He struggled in the demons grasp as he started to chant. Dean was motionless on the floor, his breathing labored and shaking. Castiel's own vessel was bloody and would die without him. He could not leave like this. There would be nothing left when he got back. Alastair would make sure of that. As the chanting increased he lost more and more of his grip on the body he inhabited. Slowly the limbs fell limp as death started to creep upon his vessel.

He was being forced out and he could see the flare of light reflected in Alastair's face as he became more and more helpless. The most he could hope for was that he would burn Alastair as he left and that Dean would remain unconscious.

And then there was no pressure, no chanting and nothing keeping him upright. He swallowed as the body limply sunk to the floor and his grace was finally allowed to heal the dying flesh.

"Who's murdering the Angels? How are they doing it?"

Sam Winchester. Slowly Castiel knelt up and looked up at Dean's brother who looked furious, strong, and in control. His hand splayed out in front of him and easily pinning Alastair to the wall.

How?

The world was seeming less and less dizzy with each passing second and the body was slowly coming back under his control. But still Sam stood with so much more power than he should have and without even a glance at Dean's unresponsive form.

And he was asking about the angels?

Slowly he stood as Sam demanded answers. Was Sam unaware that this was the demon that had tortured Dean, that had somehow broken free and just tried to kill his brother?

Slowly the youngest Winchester clenched his fist causing Alastair's eyes to roll back into his head and his words started to choke as he swore that he didn't know.

"Right!" Sam declared clearly not believing him.

Castiel dragged his gaze from Alastair, not moving from his spot. He looked at Sam who seemed impassive and cold. Alastair choked out more words that were indistinguishable to Castiel but Sam clearly understood.

"I don't believe you." Sam said quietly, his entire focus on the demon. Castiel looked down at Dean who lay far too still.

"Lilith," Alastair struggled out, "Is not behind this."

That redirected his attention and he looked at Alastair questioningly as the demon continued with glee, "She wouldn't kill seven Angels, she'd kill a hundred, a thousand."

Sam released whatever power had been harming Alastair and the demon panted with relief and and then with boredom.

"Oh, go ahead. Send me back. If you can," he dared.

"I'm stronger than that now. Now I can kill."

Sam's voice was...he turned. Sam was smiling. He watched with horror and disbelief as Sam flattened his hand and a look of satisfaction appeared on his face as Alastair begun to crackle and howl. His mouth kept twitching into a smile.

This was wrong. Today he had watched both Winchesters step into this room and neither seemed human while in it.

As the empty body slumped down, the look of surprise still printed on its face, Sam seemed to come back to himself a little. He glanced at Castiel almost uncertainly.

He could do nothing but stare back? This was not how the influence of angels was meant to affect people. What was happening to these humans?

Sam's eyes found the body and he stared at it. "He was already dead?" he asked, sounding very young all of a sudden.

Castiel looked down at the body, uncertain, trying to work out if the human Alastair had possessed would have survived an exorcism or if Sam had killed him too. But as he looked, his gaze slid from the dead body to the other heap on the floor.

"Dean."

He walked forward and held out a hand, turning his charge over gently. Dean's face was a mess of blood and swelling.

"What happened?" Sam asked breathless and right beside him.

Castiel shook his head. "He needs medical attention. Is there a hospital nearby?"

Sam shook himself as he gingerly touched Dean as if to assure himself that his brother was really there. "Um...maybe. I think I passed one...." He looked around and then shook his head, "I can't call an ambulance, they'll see all this."

John Winchester's influence was clearly hammered into his boys. "Go."

Sam nodded and tried to pick his brother up, but the power it had taken to kill Alastair was taking it's toll.

"Go. I will send him to the hospital. You can find him there."

Sam looked up, "Send me with him."

Castiel looked heavenward.

"Please." Sam leant forward. "You can't just throw him into the nearest--"

"I do not throw," Castiel snapped.

"You did this. You fix it." Sam yelled at him his temper rising despite his obvious exhaustion. Castiel looked down at his charge, his swelling features and troubled face.

"As you wish then."

And then both of the humans were gone and he was left with silence.


	9. Chapter 9

_A/N - I hope everyone whose readng, alerting and reviewing is still enjoying the story, and thank you for continuing to read :) _

_(Just to save anyone the trouble of glancing back the last chapter left off half way through "On the Head of a Pin", just after Alastair had been killed. _

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

He sat in the empty room for far too long. Blood started to stain his coat and he couldn't tell if it was from Dean or Alastair.

He watched the break in the trap. The way that the water dripped down from a leak in the pipe above and continued to erode away the lines on the floor. He'd made the trap himself. He'd tightened the pipes, barricaded the windows with his own power.

It simply should not be dripping.

He knew he should go to the hospital, see Dean and face Sam, but somehow he knew that when he got off of the floor he would have a choice to make.

Because either Uriel was acting on his own, or his superiors had ordered it. And he knew he had to decide what he was going to do in either scenario.

He was on the cusp of a decision that would change him, he knew it, he could feel it right down to his very being.

Why had Uriel placed Dean in such danger? Dean was meant to be the one who would stop Lucifer if it came to it, why on earth would Uriel wish to destroy their last resort?

But Uriel hated humanity, despaired of them. In truth, why would he fight for them at all? There had always been whisperings, so faint as to almost not be heard, but they had existed. Angels claiming that Lucifer's fall from grace was understandable, that they could not understand why Angels had to bow to humans.

But if Uriel was one of those whisperers then it would mean that his brother, the Angel that he had fought beside for so long was in fact his enemy. And it might mean that they would end up facing each other one day...

He sat up a little and looked towards the wall were Alastair had died screaming his and Lilith's innocence. Alastair surely would have boasted and used his knowledge had he been the killer and Lilith certainly would not be content with only seven deaths.

The only thing that could kill an Angel if he thought about it calmly was another Angel.

He stood slowly and removed the blood stains from his vessels clothes.

"Zachariah," he called quietly.

But no matter what he said his superior wouldn't come. Maybe it was because of the chain of command, maybe it was because the other angel was busy. Either way it was frustrating.

And he was alone with it now.

He swallowed the fear that had been riding within him since he'd sent Dean and Sam away. He needed to know what was happening, what Dean knew. And if he found that out then maybe it would help him deal with this.

It didn't help his utter uncertainty though. And he could feel his own powers faltering as he worried.

He arrived at the hospital and made his way to Dean's room, mentally preparing himself for this conversation. He knew that Dean would be demanding, would be disappointed. It was almost certain that he would have lost any progress that he'd made with the hunter.

But he needed to know in order to keep him safe.

When he turned the corner to enter Dean's room he paused in shock.

The hunter looked so fragile. He barely even looked like Dean with his face swollen so much and tubes hanging out of him. It was so quiet that the hissing noises could be heard from even where he stood by the door.

Dean was always active, even in his sleep he often tossed and turned and his face was always visible to try and read. This was so closed off from him. Even the blue tube was blocking his path to Dean.

Not to mention the angry brother who seemed so scared sitting next to his brother one minute and then furious the second he turned his head. Catching his eye, Castiel walked a little distance away from the room.

He knew Sam would follow, he was far too much like John Winchester not to.

He had to take his mind off of the bruised figure in the bed. Desperately needed to. He had realized hours ago that if he made this about Dean and not about searching for the truth then he would be useless.

It had taken him this long to be able to appear in the hospital.

He turned to Sam who looked as if he was about to kill someone for what had happened.

"Sam..." he began.

"Get in there and heal him," Sam ordered. "Miracle. Now."

"I can't," he said, staring at Sam and feeling his own anger at the situation rise up.

"You and Uriel put him in there," Sam pointed furiously in the direction of Dean's room.

"No." It was drawn out of him before he had time to think, a desperate denial of the facts.

"Because you can't keep a simple devil's trap together." Sam paused for breath and Castiel leapt in. "I don't know what happened, that trap...." He realized that he was getting as angry as Sam and pulled back from it. He looked away with a small noise of frustration.

If he told Sam the truth about what he suspected he knew that the Winchesters would never trust them again.

And so he looked down briefly and tried to recollect himself.

"It shouldn't have broken I am sorry."

It sounded weak even to his ears.

"This whole thing was pointless." Sam started.

"I know."

Sam pulled back in surprise, his mouth opening fruitlessly a few times. "What?"

Castiel glanced heavenwards. "Has Dean woken?"

Sam blinked, his anger fading into confusion, "No, wait what do you mean you know?"

Castiel drew in breath deeply. "It is no longer a concern of yours--"

"No concern of mine?" Sam asked his anger quickly returning, "You put my brother at risk for what a game?

"We have learnt something from it. Just not what we hoped to."

Sam threw up his arms and turned away. "Go to hell."

Castiel stood motionless in the hall, half sure that he was already there.

xxxxxxxxxx

"You are sure?"

Castiel nodded, standing calmly in front of Zachariah as his superior inspected the faulty trap.

"I made it myself. It should not have broken."

Zachariah stood and gave him a careful look. "And you are telling me that Uriel did this. Uriel who has not put a foot wrong since this all started. You, who have been demoted and reprimanded again and again."

Castiel stood his ground. "All of my offences have been in the protection of my charge. This is not what I would have done."

"And pray tell Castiel what would you have done?"

Zachariah was very close but Castiel refused to look away or flinch.

"I would have killed Alastair the moment we captured him," he replied, his voice challenging.

Zachariah remained close for almost a full minute before his chuckle echoed through the room.

"I believe you would have." He walked away and traced the iron stand. "Why did you not?"

"They were not my orders," Castiel answered woodenly.

Zachariah seemed to be lost in contemplation, or perhaps he was communicating with others. Slowly Castiel stared at the peg in the wall where he'd been pinned. He didn't like that it was still there.

"Remain close to Winchester. I will deal with Uriel."

He nodded and then paused. "Anna was here."

Zachariah turned to look at him, "You didn't kill her?"

He closed his eyes and bowed his head. "No. I was..." he shook his head and looked back up. "It will not happen again."

"Next time you see her she is to be captured on sight. And that is an order."

Castiel nodded.

"For now Dean Winchester is to be your priority." Zachariah screwed up his face with disgust. "It seems to be all you can be trusted with currently."

xxxxxxx

Sam simply glared at him when he reappeared at the hospital and watched with wary eyes as Castiel took a seat on the other side of the bed.

They said nothing to each other for a long time but he could see Sam's jaw moving as if he was trying hard to keep himself under control.

"Why can't you heal him?"

Castiel didn't look at Sam but instead focused on the bruises on Dean's left cheek. "I have been forbidden from doing so. It is not life threatening."

Sam snorted in disgust and said nothing more for a time.

Three hours later they still had not spoken to each other and he could see that Sam was starting to give into his exhaustion. "If you require sleep--"

"I don't," Sam snapped back and then yawned looking furious with himself.

Castiel steepled his fingers and placed his chin on top of them. "It was Uriel." When Sam said nothing he sighed, "He is being dealt with as we speak."

Sam swallowed. "And what does that mean?"

He locked gazes with Sam, stared in a way that Dean seemed to find disconcerting. "He killed Angels from his own garrison. It is likely that he will be killed or forced to fall."

Sam's mouth twitched. "He'd probably prefer to die." He sneered a little, looking at Dean.

"Probably," Castiel replied non-committally.

They fell silent again, both of them watching Dean until Sam let out a loud sigh.

"I'm sorry."

Castiel looked at Sam sharply, almost dreading what Sam was about to tell him he'd done.

"He was...he was your brother right? That has to be tough."

Oh.

He shifted a little not too sure if he admired Sam for saying it or disliked him for bringing it up. He simply settled for saying nothing.

But Sam didn't seem to be deterred. "When Dean..." he swallowed painfully, "when Dean went to hell I hated him. I mean I wanted him to be alive but it was his own choice and...I know it's not the same, but..." Sam looked away. "It makes it harder when someone chooses their own downfall."

Castiel opened his mouth slowly, staring at the boy in front of him, completely unsure how one minute he could be so cold and terrifying as he killed a demon with his mind and the next could be so merciful and full of kindness to someone who probably didn't deserve it.

He could see why Dean had so much faith in his brother.

"It does," he said eventually. And when Sam looked up at him he met him eye for eye. "My only order now is to ensure that your brother remains safe. It seems..." he glanced up hesitantly. "It seems I am no longer trusted with anything else."

Sam bit back whatever it was he had been about to instinctively snap and swallowed. "They think it's your fault?"

Castiel tilted his head in thought, "We do not blame. I simply mean that if you feel the need to sleep or eat or anything like that I will protect him. It is now my only duty."

Sam looked shocked and nodded slowly. He sat quietly before standing up stiffly, "I'm gonna get a coffee." He hesitated. "Do you..."

Castiel shook his head and sat back. "I will watch him for you."

Sam nodded and made his way out of the room.

xxxx

He felt when Dean woke days later, though the body on the bed next to him didn't move at all.

"Are you all right?"

There was a long silence and he continued to watch the door waiting for Sam who was meant to be back soon.

"No thanks to you." Dean's voice was scratched, weak. Accusing.

He looked down from the light he'd been staring at with some slight fascination. But he said nothing. He shifted a little and looked back up.

"You'd think an angel would know how to manage a damn devil's trap," Dean muttered after a while.

There was really nothing he could say. Neither in defence or in pardon.

"You should never have been in there," he said after a while.

Dean sucked his breath in a little and he knew that had to hurt. "Is it true?" he asked after a moment.

Castiel eyes narrowed and he turned his head to Dean.

"Did I break the first seal? Did I start all this?"

Part of him wanted to say no. To lie as humans did for one another. But he was not human and Dean would have to know eventually. And so he caught his humans gaze and nodded slowly.

"Yes."

Dean looked away, his mind obviously racing.

"When we discovered Lilith's plan for you we laid siege to hell. And we fought our way to get to you before you--"

"Jump started the apocalypse?" Dean asked. Any other day his tone might have been challenging, teasing, disbelieving.

Now it was broken, without fight but not without care. And it was hard to hear. Even knowing that he wouldn't get an answer Castiel raised his eyes heavenwards praying that there was something he could say or do to help.

Anything.

And he saw that soul, Dean's face bloody and dead. A knife in his hands a testament to the failure of Angels.

"We were too late." He tried to push the image away. Hoped that Dean picked up on the fact that Castiel didn't view Dean as the one at fault.

"Why didn't you just leave me there?"

He snapped back to the hunter who was glaring ahead as if the door was to blame for all his woes.

"You were never supposed to be in there," Castiel replied, his voice gaining a harsh edge. "It was our failing, not yours Dean."

Dean shook his head as much as he could manage. "What you pulled back..." his face twisted. "I'm not...not the person I used to be," he whispered.

"You are untainted by the--"

"I started the apocalypse Cas." Dean's eyes were filling with liquid. "Don't you dare give me some little speech about the goodness of humanity. I started this." He pressed backwards into the pillow. "I broke in thirty."

Castiel frowned as it sounded as if Dean was quoting someone. "It's not blame that falls on you Dean, it's fate." he said slowly.

Dean gave him a curious look, one that was mingled with fear.

He swallowed carefully, his mind searching for the best way to say this. "The righteous man who begins it, is the only one who can finish it."

He found himself unable not to look at Dean and as he turned his head he saw fear. The sight of a man overwhelmed.

"You can stop it," he said firmly.

"Lucifer?" Dean whispered, sounding broken. "The apocalypse? What does that mean?"

He shook his head looking away, almost unable to bear the sight. "I don't know."

"You don't know?" Dean was starting to get angry. It was an understandable human reaction he supposed. "Bull!" he yelled.

"I don't." Castiel turned back, trying to convey the truth of what he was saying to Dean. "Dean they don't tell me much."

"How can you not know? You pulled me out, you had to know why."

Shaking his head, Castiel sighed, "I had my orders Dean, I did not question them."

Dean looked away his anger faltering under his fear.

"I do know that our fate rests with you."

And he waited for that arrogant grin that hid the terror, the quick wit that infuriated him constantly. But instead Dean's chin trembled and there was nothing determined or stubborn or arrogant about Dean. "Well then, you guys are screwed," Dean said, his voice cracking with tears and fear. "I can't do it Cas. It's too big. Alastair was right, I'm not all here I'm not st...I'm not strong enough."

Castiel swallowed back what he wanted to say. All that he wanted to say. He wished to God that he had gone against the plan. Maybe that had been what God had wanted if only he had the courage to do so. Uriel was proof that something was starting to go wrong among the ranks.

Our faith will be tested.

He looked to his broken hunter who cried silent tears of shame and defeat. It was wrong that Dean should suffer for his failings. But he wasn't human and while he knew how to maneuver Dean, how to be honest with him and how to simply sit with him, he had no idea how to comfort him. He couldn't find the words that would make it better, the words that would make Dean strong and annoyingly Dean like again.

And all he could so was stare into Dean's eyes and try to convey that he didn't and had never blamed him.

But Dean looked away after a few seconds, unwilling to see.

And Cas looked down slowly disappointed with both himself and his charge.

"Well I guess I'm not the man either of our dads wanted me to be," Dean croaked out eventually.

He hated hearing it. "Do not presume to know the thoughts of others," he said softly.

"I know my dad..." Dean broke off from whatever he'd been about to say. "I'm not...find someone else. It's not me."

And part of Castiel's heart broke.

Xxxxxxxx

He found Sam at the motel. Sam who blinked in confusion at him and then threw down his bag.

"You are meant to be watching him," Sam begun.

"He's awake."

Sam let out a relieved breath but continued to glare. "He's in a hospital bed Cas, he still needs someone to watch over him."

Castiel looked away and stared intently at the television.

"He is all right isn't he?" Sam asked, his voice sounding sounding thick with fear.

"He is...physically recovering." Castiel looked away from the very bright screen. "But the confrontation with Alastair has caused him problems."

"What kind of problems?" Sam asked advancing dangerously on him.

He faced Sam squarely. "He has lost the will to fight."

Sam swallowed. "He's just woken up. The pain and the meds...he'll be fine in a day or two."

"No, he won't."

Sam let out a huffed laugh. "And what makes you think you know him so well?"

"I explained to him...I explained why we brought him back. He didn't take it well."

Sam gave him a curious and disbelieving look. "Have you met Dean? He hates being told what to do unless its from..." he broke off and looked away. "Unless it was from Dad." He seemed to have some internal battle and then his curiosity won out. "So what is it then? Why was he brought back?"

It was an awkward position. Logic and common sense dictated that he simply tell Sam. It wasn't anything that the demons didn't know anyway. But he had a slight worry that Dean wouldn't like them discussing it.

He was starting to understand why humans lied. But he still was uncomfortable with it.

"You're brother is the one who can stop the apocalypse."

Sam's jaw dropped a little. "Dean?"

Castiel nodded calmly.

"Huh." Sam started to move around and pack, his arms shaking a little. Every so often it seemed as if he was about to talk but nothing happened.

"Dean?"

"Yes."

Sam nodded again. "How?"

"I am not sure. It is simply a prophecy that we are following. We are not omniscient."

Sam rolled his eyes a little at that. "Yeah, I remember. But...so what is the prophecy?"

Castiel shifted and looked at the window. "I would suggest you ask Dean for the details."

Sam nodded. "Yeah, I'll ask when I discharge him." Sam muttered absently. "How did he take it then?"

"He asked me to find someone else."

Sam smiled a little. "Were the words dick, no way and get lost involved?"

"No."

Sam faltered a little. "He just told you to find someone else. That was it?"

The sight of Dean's apathy hit Castiel again. "Yes. I fear that all of this has finally taken its toll on your brother."

Sam sat down slowly. "And what? You couldn't wait to add to Alastair?"

"Evidently Alastair said something to Dean which distracted him in the first place, I did not feel it was wise to lie to him about it."

He could see that Sam was desperate to pick a point in what he had said and argue it but then the fight seemed to ebb out of Sam too. "I'll go and talk to him," he said with a monotone voice.

"Would you like me to take you?"

Sam shook his head. "No, I...I'd like to have some time on the drive...I need to get my head around it." He stood up a little shakily and grabbed the car keys.

"Sam," Castiel called to him as he opened the door. Sam turned enquiringly. "There is more."

Sam closed his eyes and took a deep breath, "What?"

"I think...it would be better that Dean himself tell you. I just thought you should be aware that there is more to it."

Sam snorted. "There always is."

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Dean was discharged three days later. Castiel was careful to stay away from them for a while and give them some space. He allowed a week to pass before making his way to where they were staying.

Dean was asleep when he arrived while Sam was on his computer, his face frowning at the lit up monitor. It was strange when Sam didn't acknowledge his arrival like Dean always seemed to. And then the young hunter happened to glance up and let out a yelp.

"Man, do you guys knock?" Sam asked standing up hurriedly. "How long have you been there?"

"Not long." Castiel glanced at Dean. "How is he?"

Sam placed himself in between the bed and Castiel. "He's getting there. What are you doing here?"

For one insane moment he debated throwing Sam across the room for getting in between him and his charge. But it was begrudgingly understandable in the circumstances.

"I wanted to make sure he was recovered."

"You mean whether you could twist him into following another moronic plan?" Sam asked, folding his arms.

Castiel felt his own patience ebbing. "How is he?"

Sam let out an angry breath. "Physically? Fine. Mentally, my brother is a step short of a zombie!"

Castiel looked down.

"So whatever desperate crusade you want him on is going to have to wait--"

"Leave."

Sam burst out laughing, "Leave him here with you? You have got to be--"

"Leave with Dean."

Sam was stunned into silence. "Excuse me?"

Castiel sat down on Sam's bed. "Dean is important. We will need him and we aren't sure exactly what will happen. I have convinced those above me that it would be better to allow him the time and space required to fully heal from this. Go and find somewhere to recover for a few months."

Sam opened and closed his mouth in disbelief. "Are you telling us to stay out of it?" He looked as of he couldn't decide to argue it or pack their bags right then and there.

"Yes. The seals are falling and we need every available hand. It would be easier for us if you were out of harm's way for a while."

Sam turned and looked at Dean who was sleeping like the dead. "And you won't...you'll just let him rest?"

"You and he both."

Sam took in a deep breath. "Where would we go? I mean is there anywhere really safe?"

Castiel looked down. "I would stay away from old areas, older towns and any cities. Is there no where that you can think of?"

Sam shrugged. "I'll look into it...." He gave Castiel an unsure look. "Thanks."

Castiel simply nodded and stood to leave.

"I'll tell him you stopped by and suggested it," Sam offered.

Castiel glanced down at Dean. "No. Tell him it was your idea. To tell him anything else might lead him to believe that I have agreed to give up on him. Just...tell him I will return soon."

Sam just gave him a half-hearted smile. "I'll make sure that we're gone within the week."

Castiel nodded and with a last look at a half-hidden Dean, he left.


	10. Chapter 10

Discalimer: I do not own supernatural!

_Hi!_

_Sorry for the delay. I've been slightly terrified of this chapter and a complete coward over it (which i know isn't a glowing recomendation for people to read it!). I kinda urge you to read it all the way through and get to the bottom of it before casting judgement as there is a point to what happens._

_uh...and i think i told those who disliked slash to turn away a few chapters ago but...i would leave now if you haven't already gone..._

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Zachariah had banned Castiel from communicating with the garrison. Evidently they didn't wish for him to enter the battlefield in his unpredictable state.

He was older than could possibly be imagined and yet he was being ignored like a naughty child. It was embarrassing and frustrating. It was made even more difficult by his attempt to keep his promise. But he would obey; he would leave Dean in peace. Give him time to recover and heal in an appropriate manner. He hadn't seen his charge in over a month, the longest time he had spent away from him ever. He felt oddly sad the more that he thought about it.

And then, in the middle of another fruitless search, it changed. He could hear Dean screaming. Castiel had never felt it as fierce or as desperate. Without hesitation he finally allowed himself to feel out where Dean was.

He stepped into the building and winced when he saw it was another large and deserted warehouse. The dust flew up around his feet and he could hear the sounds of things being knocked over above him.

He climbed the steps, listening. There didn't seem to be anyone else, all he could hear was Dean making sounds of pain and protest.

As he entered the room where Dean was he could see his charge was bent over a table, the various detachable things in the room had gone flying. Dean was breathing deep and his fingers were curled around the table edge as if to let go would mean to be damned forever.

He stepped a little closer and Dean whipped his head around.

Dean's eyes were darker and his throat muscles were tight. For a flicker of a second they darkened to pure black and then faded to green.

Dean was possessed.

Castiel steeled himself trying to think how it was that humans managed to do this without harming the person within.

But then Dean let out a scream and the demon smoke appeared by his mouth with great reluctance. Slowly it fought it's way back in until Dean's body let out a small shudder and the smoke flew into his mouth once more.

Castiel felt his vessel's mouth fall open. Shock. He, an Angel older then civilization, was experiencing shock.

It felt very strange.

Swallowing deeply and trying to right himself he slowly walked forward, not letting his eyes pull away from the man in front of him. "Dean?"

Dean drew in breath that was so ragged he sounded as if he were about to die. His body convulsed and the demon smoke appeared again. Dean looked desperately pale in comparison to the smoke and the fading bruises. Desperately pale and desperately tired.

Slowly Castiel stepped next to Dean and put his hand on his forehead.

Dean's head was thrown back and the demon screeched as it left his body. It was a terrible sound; the scream of anger and pain and range. It went on and on until Castiel felt sure that Dean's body could take no more.

And then just like that it was gone, the smoke disappearing through the ceiling.

Exhausted, Dean slumped down, his body giving up the battle to remain conscious. Castiel caught him as he went and ended up with Dean sagging in his arms in a rather undignified way. Ordinarily Castiel would feel the need to readjust the human but his mind was too busy trying to work out exactly what he had just witnessed.

How had this happened? How was it that Dean couldn't understand his true voice yet could throw a demon from his body? He looked up and around for symbols that would lessen a demons power, anything to explain how the hunter had thrown the demon out of him.

Without warning Dean's eyes flew open and he started to try and move in panic. Castiel tightened his grip fighting easily with the hunters weak attempts to move.

"Dude get the hell away from me," Dean's voice was terribly hoarse. He sounded as if his throat had been scratched raw.

"You need to rest Dean, what you just did--"

Dean wriggled and squirmed, "No....just...." He started to pant and close his eyes.

"Is the demon back?"

Dean shook his head. "Just leave Cas," he whispered, "It's...go!"

Castiel let the hunter fly out of his arms and stumble as he stubbornly tried to put as much distance between them as possible. It seemed that Dean was regaining his strength remarkably quickly.

Too quickly in Castiel's opinion.

"You are being foolish. I will take you to Sam--"

"God no!" Dean turned instantly his eyes terrified and hooded. "Please just..."A loud whining noise came out of Dean's throat and his human seemed to wince at it. Dean whirled back and continued to put distance between them, grabbing at anything for support as he went.

"Dean you just exorcised a demon out of you. Sit down."

"NO" Dean growled out, his voice so harsh that it must have hurt him to get to the tone. "Cas go, for Christ's sakes."

Castiel stood awkwardly "The demon may come back. We cannot risk--"

Dean shook his head, "The bitch ain't getting back in."

Castiel stared at the human, "Did you know it?"

Dean nodded, seemingly better when he had something to focus on. "We'd met before."

"Who was it?"

Dean's tilted his head back to stare at the ceiling with an odd groan. "If I tell you will you just go away?"

"Your safety is my priority Dean."

"Well will you leave cause I'm pretty damn sure if you stay I'm gonna be struck down by some wrathful dick."

"Dean--"

"It was the fucking demon of lust Cas. Now go and if you take me to Sam I will hunt you down and kill you."

Castiel blinked in surprise. "If you are infected by a demon's power I need to stay."

Dean started to laugh in a way that almost sounded as if he'd lost his sanity.

"Dude, go." Dean ground out in between hysterical laughter.

"You need help, I cannot leave you."

"Do you actually know what she's done?" Dean asked, "I mean do you even know what lust is?"

Castiel hovered uncertainly, feeling as if he was missing something.

"Right," Dean said with some triumph his smile flashed and then caught on something and disappeared with a strangled groan.

Castiel took an experimental step forward and Dean immediately took one back. He wasn't even looking at Castiel any more, instead his eyes where scrunched up shut as if there was something in front of him that he desperately didn't want to see.

"Do not come closer." Dean said, his voice sounding fierce and demanding. Desperate to be clear in his message.

"This demon's spell could have done anything to you, I need to know what it is to find out how long it will last and if there is a cure." Castiel replied, feeling slightly more on balance. Dean was his to protect and cure. The human was simply being stubborn and difficult, the two qualities that defined him.

"Are you really that....Cas I'm in a lust...thing. For gods sake just leave me alone."

"I'm aware that lust makes humans do embarrassing and reckless things."

Dean huffed out a laugh and then a groan and muttered something about naivety shouldn't be cute. It seemed to take him a while to get his breath and in that time his entire body was utterly rigid as if in deep fear.

"If you are aware of the cure then tell me and I will help."

At that Dean slid down the wall, his body becoming even tighter if it was possible and shook his head wordlessly.

Castiel made his way over to Dean now that it seemed to hunter was no longer moving. It looked as if Dean was in deep pain but he wasn't screaming or crying or anything like that.

Simply breathless.

Dean seemed almost unaware of him as he knelt down on his level. The strain that Dean seemed to be putting on himself had to hurt. Slowly he reached out and placed a hand on Dean's shoulder.

"I need to know--" Castiel begun urgently.

And then all of a sudden the hunter had moved with such speed it was almost as fast as an angel. And it was only pure confusion and shock that kept Castiel rooted to the spot while the human jammed their mouths together and tried to worm his tongue in.

Ah.

If Dean had simply mentioned that lust was to do with sex then he would have understood Dean's reluctance and he certainly wouldn't have made it quite so--

He flinched as Dean seemed to attach himself to his vessel and his tongue did...interesting things. The vessel's body was certainly responding...

The vessel.

He pushed Dean back trying not to allow his eagerness for haste make his movements too strong. Still Dean was slammed back against the wall with some force.

"Dean."

His human's eyes were heavy and the pupils looked almost fully blown, but not as bad as they had when he was possessed. He was panting and Castiel could tell the instant that realisation flew into the hunter.

"I'm going back to hell." Dean breathed out banging his head back against the wall. "Just throw me back now."

Castiel continued to keep Dean pinned. "I assume the spell requires another body for you to...indulge in."

Dean winced and then shook as a wave of something seemed to go through him. "You gonna go get me a hooker?" he asked with some amusement and horror.

"The demon is not doing this for fun Dean, letting you fulfill the spell cannot possibly end well. You simply need to ride it out."

Dean winced and let out a half snort that told Castiel he'd said something strange or wrong again. Then he huffed and groaned. "Can't," he muttered shaking his head.

"You can." Castiel looked him in the eyes, "Dean I know you can I just watched--"

And Dean was fighting to lean forward again. Castiel broke off and frowned at the struggling hunter as he wriggled ineffectively against Castiel's hands. It took a few minutes for Dean to seem to become aware of something besides the spell again. Dean turned his head to the side and his quick breathing lessened a little.

"Could you not have picked some ugly ass, old dude to walk around in?" Dean complained staring intently at a shelf to his side.

Castiel glanced down momentarily. He had barely even seen what this vessel looked like to others. "It was the closest willing one at hand."

"You couldn't just pop out of it for a moment if he was that willing?"

"Do not be crude Dean." Castiel replied almost instantly fighting down a small smile in relief that Dean seemed to be a little more like his normal self.

Dean shook his head and his body gave a small thrust. "Dude's dead anyway right. Be a bit gross." he muttered seemingly desperate for anything else to focus on.

Castiel released his hold a little in surprise, "What gave you that impression?"

Dean whimpered and his eyes were crushed shut again as the spell crashed through him. "What d'you mean?" he asked teeth clenched.

"The vessel is not dead. We need permission."

"Fine, dying then." Dean shook his head and bit his lip.

"The vessel is alive and well Dean. I keep him from harm."

Dean's eyes flew open in shock, "That poor bastard is still in there?"

"He is...muted. Almost asleep. I imagine that he catches flashes and is occasionally aware but we do not tend to bother each other."

Dean huffed out a sharp laugh. "Don't tend to bother...Wow that makes it easier you son of a bitch." he spat out angrily.

Castiel remained silent for a moment. "Trading one sin for another is not going to help end the spell Dean."

"Fuck you." came the ragged response.

Castiel remained silent as Dean seemed to be unwilling to continue any conversation to make this easier for him. He glanced over at the table.

How had Dean thrown the demon out? It had to have been Dean, there was nothing else about. The demon had clearly used this as some last resort and he could feel something close, waiting and hovering.

He had not felt the demon while it had been in Dean...

He frowned looking back again. One hand was clasped around Dean's throat now gently restraining him and the other held his hands motionless by the wrists. The hand around Dean was pale and looked nowhere near as strong as Dean's, nor as weathered and used. Holy Tax accountant. Maybe it would have been better to have found a willing hunter. Should he ever be constrained to this body...

The righteous man who started it shall be the one to end it.

And all of a sudden there became one blindingly obvious reason why Dean was able to fight off a possession.

It took a special person to be able to hold and truly contain the power of an arch angel, such as a person who could not be possessed.

His grip loosened in shock, unfortunately just as another wave hit Dean who forced himself forwards. The tongue was back and Dean's hands were everywhere.

And as his mind raced in stunned horror that the man he had been protecting was destined to become a mindless meat suit as Dean had once called it, his power suddenly started to fade.

He had no idea what it was, Dean's emotions, the spell, his own reluctance with God's plan but his strength started to leave him.

And his previous academic musings became far more practical than he would have liked to imagine. Because in truth this body was not as strong as Dean.

His back hit the far wall and Dean's hands were frantically tearing at the trench coat he had grown rather fond of. And it hit him crystal clear that Dean tasted interesting. Not bad as he would have expected. And while he had no idea what the feeling was that drove Dean it felt almost nice to have the human that he cared for so much this close.

But it wasn't his body that Dean was pressing against, running his hands over and stroking with his tongue. The body reacted but all Castiel could feel was that it was pleasant, that Dean was grabbing in a nice possessive way and that having Dean in his arms was partly a relief because it meant that his human was safe.

The demon.

Dean pulled away from the kiss and started to work his way down the throat in a way that was a little ticklish and odd. When pushing against Dean's chest didn't work he tried talking to him.

"Dean."

But his charge was far too lost in the spell and seemed oblivious. Rolling his eyes Castiel looked heavenwards and wondered if he would have to swallow his pride and ask for some help. Zachariah could probably remove whatever was affecting Dean but it would mean calling him down and into the room.

Things weren't quite that bad yet.

He tried to close his eyes and regain whatever it was that he'd lost. But the realisation that Dean might be simply be destined to become a vessel threw him out of any centre that he managed to create. He couldn't imagine that after all he had done, after rescuing this human from hell, saving him, getting to know and care for him that destiny expected Castiel to just allow Dean to become a mindless piece of flesh.

Not to mention that he started to feel some concern and a faint trace of panic for both Dean and his vessel as the hunters fingers started to pull at his belt.

Suddenly Dean ripped himself away and stared at him with huge shocked eyes. "What the..." he shook his head, "Push me away you dick!"

Castiel stared back and moved, bruises starting to flower. He waited hopefully for his powers to heal the body but nothing happened.

"Christ, are you infected?" Dean looked a little fearful as he sat his back against the wall opposite.

Castiel shook his head and was slowly becoming aware that his vessel's lips were aching. Slowly he put a hand to them in curiosity to see if they were bleeding. His hand came away clean.

Dean was panting again, a clear sign that it wasn't yet over. He was shooting disbelieving and wary looks up at him.

"It seems that you are having an unusual affect on me."

Castiel watched the green eyes widen with stunned amazement and then...? Confused at Dean's reaction he felt that it was only prudent to elaborate. "My strength has faded."

A muscle in Dean's face twitched a little and his face was carefully expressionless. "How much longer do you reckon?"

"I am unsure."

Dean nodded and wouldn't look at him. "Bring Sam here."

"Do you believe that is wise?"

Dean stared at the floor. "Dude, I'm not gonna tongue my brother. If I can resist...Just get him here."

"It would be easier for me to take you."

Dean stiffened, "No it wouldn't." He leaned back. "Besides the car's here," he added clenching his fists and staring at something past Castiel's shoulder.

Castiel nodded but it was clear that he had missed something again. "I apologise."

Dean gave a brief and sharp nod but said nothing.

"I will go downstairs and attempt to refocus. If anything attacks you--"

"What? Call for you so that you can use your vessel tax filing powers?" Dean's voice was heavy with scorn. "Just bring Sam when you can."

Castiel turned and walked out of the door and down the steps, only to freeze when he saw Zachariah waiting outside. He shot a glance back at the room where Dean had been unsure as to what his superior would make of the...incident.

But Zachariah had an amused triumphant expression on his face. "That was certainly informative."

Castiel blinked and refocused, "You mean the possession."

"What else would I mean?" There was a slightly lewd smile on the angel's face. "It certainly clears up some things."

Castiel nodded looking down at the floor. "Dean is a vessel," he said quietly.

"The vessel." Zachariah's voice was triumphant. "It certainly explains how he is meant to end it."

"We will simply have to ensure that it doesn't become an option." Castiel said, a little surprised at the fierceness in his voice.

Zachariah's musing look vanished as his beady eyes snapped to his. Castiel could feel his superiors power roll over him, looking for something that he didn't quite understand.

"It would be better if Dean did not remember this. If word was to get round that he could resist possession it would become obvious."

"The demon of lust--"

"She has been suitably dealt with while you were...busy."

Castiel ignored the not so subtle dig. "If you remove Dean's memory of this he will know that something is missing."

The smile that formed wasn't all that comforting. "I believe it is time to reinvigorate the boys. After all they are our strongest weapons in the coming time. All they need is a little push."

"Dean has asked me to fetch his brother." Castiel began uncertainly.

Zachariah smirked. "I will return them soon."

And when he left Castiel knew he had taken Dean with him. An hour later he discovered that Sam was gone too. It made little sense to Castiel for Sam to have gone with his brother but then the boys did seem stronger when they were a team.

Whatever cruel game Zachariah played with them worked. They returned a week later, both with fire in their eyes and determination in their souls and Dean with absolutely no memory of what had happened in that warehouse.

He never asked.


End file.
